Web daugava.com
Thursday 01/25/96
Metody entropii:
Esli chto-to ne poluchaets'a, ona razduvaet znachimost' sobytija
i ja zagnivaju ottogo chto ne mogu dostich'.
Esli zhe chto-to poluchilos', ona momental'no pytaets'a prinizit'
znachimost' i primenimost' dostizhenija.
(TOCHNO! TAKIM OBRAZOM TERA'ETS'A UDOVOLS'TVIE OT POKUPOK
I DOSTIZHENIJ).
Takim obrazom, Entropija v sovershenstve vladeet iskusstvom
Iskazhenija Perspektivy i za nej nado sledit', bor'as'
ee zhe oruzhiem. Perspektiva pod kontrolem vybjet pochvu iz-pod nog u entropii.

Tuesday 02/13/96
Ideja - kogda dumaesh' o chem-to grustnom, a potom govorish' sebe
"Pogovorim o chem-nibud' drugom", temy ostajuts'a grustnymi, potomu
chto ty smenil topik, no ne sostojanie (!).
Poetomu, kogda nadoelo dumat' ob etoj teme, nado break state, chtoby
perejti na chto-to bolee veseloe. Inache zastr'anesh' v trevogah i
volnenijah.

Wednesday 02/14/96
Vchera kruto pogul'al, pogovoriv s umnym chelovekom.
Nametil celi, sejchas udarno vypoln'aju.
Opredel'aju otnoshenie k zhalobam pol'zovatelej - kladi ih v kuchku
i obrabatyvaj, kogda namecnehhyue celi dostignuty. Inache oni
men'a otvlekut, soznanine chto otvleks'a budet portit' state i
glavnoe sdelano ne budet.

Wednesday 02/14/96
Zapominaem sostojanie bezuderzhnogo kajfa.
1) Ulybka - nemnogo pohozha na solnechnuju, kak budto iznutri chto-to
ne daet mne perestat' ulybat's'a, hot' zav'azochki prishej.
Nos chut' morshits'a.
Dvizhenija ruk, kak pri muzykal'nom taske.
Prygan'je, kannibal'skie pl'aski.
Golova vverh/vniz.
Obe ruki vverh - rot front!
LINK30
(KAK INSTRUMENTY VSTUPAJUT ODIN ZA DRUGIM V KLASSNOM HITE)

Thursday 02/15/96
Need a special technique against overwhelming.
If I am attacked from several sides in a short period of time,
I lose it.
Ideas:
1) Priority - if new one is urgent, immediately make the others
low prior and stop thinking about them.
2) Define a separate confidence anchor (apart from good mood).
3) Use a Self Talk cassette to get back to normal (get batteries at
lunch, 12:00).
4) Metafora: cel' - eto dalekij istochnik sveta v konce koridora; vyzovy - eto malen'kie barjerchiki na puti - tak kak vokrug temno, to
kazhdyj raz pereprygivaja barjerchik ja ponimaju, chto prodvinuls'a
blizhe k celi. A postoronnie vozdejstvija - eto zabavnye kartinki na stenah,
kotorye ja osveschaju fonarikom vrem'a ot vremeni.

Thursday 02/15/96
Poznakomils'a s reb'atami (v Taco Bell) - oboih zovut Zhen'a,
telefony v organizere.

Tuesday 02/20/96
Ideja: slova nesut informacionnuju i emocional'nuju nagruzku.
Being able to separate them as well as seeing other person's intent -
bol'shoe delo.
LINK31

Thursday 02/22/96
Esche ideja - since singing is like breathing exercise, try to sing
when out of air - see what happens.

Kogda mestnye (tipa Fila) hr'uchat 'commies', mozhet eto to zhe,
chto my shutim: 'prokl'atye kapitalisty'.

Anytime you have to choose between solving immediate problem and
interrupting the pattern, DO IP! It will even help you solve the ch
faster. And you'll get a lot more pleasure out of doing it.
On the other hand, if you rush thru chs in bad state, solving them
won't improve a thing.
(LINK1)

And more general idea: - feeling good while trying to solve the ch
is THE way, because it will let you sit on it longer.

Ideja Jurika - primenit' "kajf v dvizhenii" k processu downloada fajla.

Friday 02/23/96
Iz serii "Metody Entropii".
Entropija (cel' kotoroj - haos i poter'a sv'azi s Universal'nym Duhom),
(ETO JA ESCHE DO POHODA V CENTR TAK EGO NAZVAL ?).
preuvelichivaet trudnosti zadachi, kogda ja o nej dumaju.
Esli zhe zadacha razreshima, ona podkidyvaet somnenija v ee pol'ze.
Esli zhe i eti somnenija razresheny, ona nachinaet ssylat's'a na
drugih l'udej - "Vot tak i s'ak oni budut vozrazhat' protiv tvoej idei".
A esli ja vse taki zadachu sdelal, ona zudit "Vot vidish', narod
neblagodaren, zra' starals'a".
(LINK2)

E., ja vizhu teb'a naskvoz'!
Nichego u teb'a ne vyjdet!

Da, esche ona pytaets'a sbit' moju effektivnost' - mne nado chto-to
sdelat', ona vnushaet mne, chto esli stanu delat' eto kak sleduet, to
kogo-to pobespokoju, tak chto luchshe sdelat' v LITE versii ili spustit' na
tormozah.

I esche - kogda chto-to sdelano (kak sejchas - ja pochti nakor'abal:
neu**ennyj konverter iz table file v HTML table), ona pytaets'a
iskazit' cel' - deskat' "Nu, rabotaet, zato vot etogo ona sdelat' nikogda
ne sumeet".

Possible, the moment you listen to E., UD otstupaet and you are on your own.
(SEPARATION ?)

Wednesday 03/29/95
Metody Entropii, part sledujuschaja.

U men'a neskol'ko interesnyh del (zabav). Delaju odno, nado podozhdat',
poka komputer ugonit's'a za mysl'ju. Tem vremenem, entropija govorit "Ej,
poka zhdesh', zajmis' vot etim!". Ja pereskakivaju na drugoe delo,
rasschityvaja ulozhit's'a momental'no, poka pervoe esche zhdet. Eto ne
poluchaets'a nikogda - vtoroe nedovol'no nahrapom, toprmozit, ja zl'us' i
brosaju. Sostojanie isporcheno, ja uzhe zabyl, chto delal v pervom. Bolee
togo, ko vtoromu tozhe otnoshenie ne to, potomu chto ja odin raz za nego
uzhe brals'a i poterpel k'u.

Zachem entropii eto nado ? Chtob kak mozhno bol'she ostalos' nesdelannym +
ona rastet, potomu chto ostajuts'a neprosmotrennye listingi i
neochischennye fajly.

Ona primen'aet etot sposob kogda u men'a srazu neskol'ko idej, chem
zan'ats'a.

"Bashka murnaja".
"U kogo net kon'a, sadis' na men'a".

Monday 03/04/96
Novyj metod (Ada).
Predstav', chto svetit gor'achee solnce (kogda holodno).

Tuesday 03/05/96
Kstati, soglasno "dvizhenie - vse", radost' zakl'uchaets'a i v otladke.
I dazhe bol'she v otladke, chem v pochinennoj programme.
Otladka - gimnastika uma, ohota, razvlechenie, pogon'a i shvatka.
(NESLABO!)
(LINK3)
Bugs are like DarkSide Crackers that I am chasing :}

Wednesday 03/06/96
When prg (page) does not work, users send you mail - this is good.
It means you've been heard and they want to help you make it better.
Yourself, don't bother too much with finding little glitches - concentrate
on content.
Remember, favors done in assumption are NOT acknowledged or even valued.
Delaj to chto tebe prijatno i to, chto konkretno popros'at.
LINK32

Drugoj vopros - kak naschet obnovlenija ?
Stoit li toropit's'a donesti to mass kazhdoe izmenenie ?
Po moemu net, ne davaj etomu poryvu vstavat' na puti vdohnovenija.
Kogda nechego budet delat', togda.
JA }TIM PRINCIPOM POL'ZUJUS' V OBNOVLENII STRANICY

Kstati, k diskussii o 'useless page' - esli chuvak izvlekaet pol'zu dl'a
seb'a ot togo chto spisok na webe, to eto naoborot samaja chto ni na est'
poleznaja stranica.
Po suti, vse svodit's'a k "Vot chto mne nravit's'a, smotrite, mozhet i vam
prigl'anets'a."
LINK33

Thursday 03/07/96
Chitaju ubijstvennogo muzhika.

"Most of the time I remind myself that the journey is all there is."

"The key to enjoying work is to have a job you can think of as play."

"God is order imposed on a universe of chaos."
That's a good way to say it. Snachala byla tol'ko temnaja storona,
vladela vsem i byla spokojna. Zatem pojavils'a Dog, on zhe Svetlaja.
Temnaja zabespokoilas' i s teh por ne spit ni sekundy. Ona ne uspokoit's'a,
poka ne vosstanovit polnost'ju svoe byloe velichie - to est', nikogda.
(KSTATI ETO SOVPADAET I S NASHEJ NOVOJ TEORIEJ MIROZDANIJA -
HAOS EST' CHISTO KINETICHESKAJA ENERGIJA).
(ZAN'ATNO, RAZVE ENERGIJUI DEL'AT' NA DOBRUJU I ZLUJU ?
VNACHALE BYLA TOL'KO KINETICHESKAJA, ZATEM SOZDALI IZ NEE
POTENCIAL'NUJU... RAZVE BOG STAL OT ETOGO DOBREE ?
MOZHET, ESLI IMENNO TAK I OPREDELIT: DOBRO: KIN=>PON - SOZIDANIE
ZLO: OBRATNO - RAZRUSHENIE).
POLUCHAETS'A, ZAVESTI IGRUSHECHNUJU MASHINKU - ETO HOROSHU, A ZAPUSTIT' EE
- PLOHO. GMM. NE, NE POLUCHAETS'A.
Ne iskl'ucheno, chto i vojny javl'ajuts'a ee porozhdeniem - razvitie
civilizacii pretit Temnoj, no ona podkidyvaet l'ud'am idei, kak razrushit'
sozdannoe.

"In communication, intimacy and access to private thoughts of a partner are
a privilege and not a right. Even if access has been freely given on prior
occasions, each communication is a new venture and requires permission for
intimacy."

"I like driving slow. I can enjoy the scenery better. I used to walk when
I was on the road, a long time ago. I learned that life passes
regardless."
(ASPHALT PHILOSOPHER?)
(O, JA }TO ISPOL'ZUJU!)

"If someone is in too big a hurry, it is hard to assess where they are."

"I realized that the world could destroy itself.
I realized I could destroy myself - thus ending the world."

"It is easy to teach the inspired; it is more challenging to inspire
those who do not wish to be taught."
LINK34

"Assumed similarity" v uchebe - osobyj vid uproschenija.
"Stereotyping" - obobschenie.
"Halo effect" - variant udalenija, don't notice some things because
one attribute overshadows them.
"Attribution error" - associacija s kem-to drugoj, prisvaivaesh'
ej chuzhie dostoinstva.

Friday 03/08/96
Razmyshlenija na temu "God is an order imposed on the Universe of Chaos".
Ja zadumals'a nad voprosom, chto motiviruet Entropiju.
U men'a poluchilas' vot takaja kartina: Haos/Entropija - reka, kotoraja
byla vsegda i do nekotoroj pory tekla bez pomeh. Zatem pojavils'a
Bog/Celtnieks/Duh, kotoryj postroil plotinu. Plotina - eto mirozdanie i
kazhdyj chelovek - ee chast'. Nashi slabosti - eto schelki v nashem uchastke i
skvoz' nih proryvaets'a pervichnaja reka. Chem bol'she i krupnee slabosti,
tem vol'gotnee ej na nashem uchastke. Za glavnoj slabost'ju est' drugie -
zatknuv odnu dyrku mozhno vmesto spokojstvija obnaruzhit', chto techet v
drugom meste. Eto normal'no - voda vsegda budet pytat's'a tech', esli est'
put'.
Kstati, eto ob'jasn'aet, pochemu l'udi umejut byt' neschastnymi, dazhe
kogda u nih vse kazalos' by horosho.

Da, vozvraschajas' k idee Struktury. Pravitel'stvo/b'urokratija - odin
iz makro primerov struktury, naznachenie kotoroj mnogimiu zabyto
(dazhe Sovetskoe pravitel'stvo - ved' nachalos' to "dl'a naroda").

Granica mezhdu horoshej i temnoj len'ju byvaet razmyta.
Primer - ja hotel poslat' pozdravlenie na 8 Marta, sejchas
kinda peredumal. Chto eto - otsutstvie vnutrennej potrebnosti ili
nezhelanie poshevelit's'a ?
Yh.

Ku!
Segodn'a my s Jurikom proveli opereaciju "8 Marta".
VSEM ZHENSCHINAL NA RABOTE PODARILI CVETY.
Mne bylo lenivo, no on men'a ubedil. Ku.
Ku. Ku. Ku.
Za Kontrol'!

Monday 03/11/96
Dopolnenie k "poka odno delo stoit, mozhno otvlech's'a na bor'bu
s entropiej" - eto mozhno sdelat' togda, kogda 2e delo (igra) malen'koe
i budet momental'no sdelano, poka 1-e zhdet. Esli zhe net - make a note
and forget about it! Potomu chto dazhe esli eto prosto ostanets'a v bashke,
eto budet sposobstvovat' peregruzke.

Tuesday 03/12/96
Pacashki na rabote sklonny k peregruzke v 10G.
A vprochem, mozhet i v etom est' smysl - esli ja mogu sohranit'
spokojstvie sredi etogo, to eto men'a zakalit.
LINK35

Otzyv rastet - i zamet', vse eto ja poluchil bez soliciting.
A posmotret' prijatno.

Monday 02/12/96
Otkuda nenavist' k raspisaniju ?
Shkola kak iznachal'nyj faktor ?

Sv'az' - esli drugomu chto-to diko nravit's'a, u men'a mozhet
pojavit's'a antipatija. Drugoj smotrit regul'arno - ja v
rezul'tate voobsche videt' ne mogu.
Sv'az' - struktura i smysl! Zabyvaju iznachal'nuju cel' raspisanija.
Sv'az' - peregruzka. Zanimaesh's'a chem-to drugim, prihodit
srok, namechennoe sobytie otvlekaet.

Done, logging is back, it is in index.htm (note that it will
miss direct access to indexr).
Remember the goal - positive charge, since there is reportedly A LOT
of users.
Esli mnogo - "na dele esche bol'she!"
Esli nikogo - "Eto potomu chto oni lazajut napr'amuju"


Wednesday 03/13/96
Everytime you want to share worries (or submit temporary solution for
odobrenie), think 5 times - this creates extra problems.
Primer - ja pozvonil Dzhojs s vremennoj versiej, a potom smenil reshenie
i vse prishlos' pereigryvat'.
Snachala primi Final'noe reshenie, a potom uzh ego soobschaj.

Monday 03/25/96
Ogranichenie svoego baldezha mozhet byt' zlokachestvennym effektom:
"Drugim baldet' nel'z'a, tak i mne neudobno".
Podrazumevaet, chto est' link, a eto ne tak.
(KONFLIKT S TEM, CHTO GOVOR'AT V CENTRE ?)
(ILI LINK GORAZDO BOLEE TONOK, CHEM POVERHNOSTNOE
POVEDENIE?)

L'udi s negativnym vzgl'adom nikogda ne ocen'at tvoih usilij,
no ne dumaj - oni i seb'a tolkom cenit' ne mogut.
(KU :)
(WORKS THE OTHER WAY TOO - MNE TRUDNO CENIT' DRUGIH,
KOGDA ZAGNIVAJU)

Kogda delaesh' chto-to nepolozhennoe i pridumyvaesh' ob''jasneninija
po hodu, eto plohaja praktika - potom nachinaesh' pytat's'a
ob''jasn'at' vse podr'ad => ogranichenie svobody.

Podt'agivanie hvostov - horoshij otvet entropii, kogda
ona hochet chtob ja voobsche nakryls'a zipunom.

Tuesday 03/26/96
Primer otricatel'nogo myshlenija - Gosha prislal info o svoej novoj stranice,
ja ni v zub nogoj. Segodn'a ot nego prishli pl'ushki v nepon'atnoj kodirovke
i srazu t'anet otvetit' i pripech'.

Ideja - predstav' bolevuju tochku kak entrypoint sily v telo.
O!

I redefined probka - sejchas eto dl'a men'a tihoe i spokojnoe vrem'a.
Sdelaj to zhe samoe s rabotoj, a konkretnee, s otvlechenijami.
Mozhet, l'udi prihod'at, chto sdelat' tebe IP, kogda ty gde-to
zastr'al.
Esli zhe u teb'a por'adok, to i pomoch' netrudno.
Tak zhe, otvlechenija vlekut raznoobrazije i peremenu obstanovki,
pereryvchiki.
LINK36

New for "chto-to proishodit po hodu, kogda ja zanimajus' drugim" -
eto mozhet byt' legkij ch, reshiv kotoryj ja usil'u Self Esteem => legche
reshit' bol'shuju. A mozhet eto clue k resheniju bol'shoj.
LINK37

Ja vybral slovo dl'a moego opredelenija: Light/Svetlaja.
Light is Love.
Kak solnce, kotoroe daet svet vsem i vsegda.
(KAK PRIRODA, KOTORAJA VYRASTIT L'UBOGO REBENKA, DAZHE ESLI
EGO BOL'SHE NIKTO NE L'UBIT).

Redefine povtor'ajuschies'a telefonye soobschenija.
1) Mantra
2) Pesn'a - rap
3) Zastr'ala plastinka - "hochesh', rasskazhu tebe skazochku".
"Chto sdelal, chto sdelal, chto sdelal veterok, veterok, veterok"
LINK38

Red sluchaj, kogda lezesh' v staruju programmu chto-to chinit' -
mozhno najti zabytye, no poleznye sabrutinki.
Same with uborka - poka ischesch', pop
(-MUZYKA IGRAET)
(POKA ISCHESH' - POP, KAK NASHEL - EPISKOP)


Giperbola can be used for intent readjustment.
(ETO KOGDA JA NAPOMINAJU SEBE, V CHEM, SOBSTVENNO MOJ ISHODNYJ INTENT.
PROTIV POTENCIAL'NOJ VINY).

Mysl' - a ne javl'aets'a li detskoe krivl'anj'e formoj Interrupt Pattern ?
(STABIL'NO JAVL'AETS'A)
(LINK39)

A vot sovsem krutaja ideja - ispol'zuj nedostatok vozduha
kak tochku vhoda sily.
Interesnoe oschuschenie.
(LINK4)
(O, MOZHNO TAK ZHE SDELAT' S PODRAGIVAJUSCHIJ GLAZOM!)

Wednesday 03/27/96
Metody }ntropii
Ona prilagaet bol'shie usilija, chtoby predotvratit' tvoe
samovyrazhenie.

1) Kogda tol'ko sobiraesh's'a sdelat' chto-to novoe, ona govorit
a) "Len'"
Otvet Chemberlenu: "Kak govoril Karlson, "Delo zhitejskoe" o pirogah ne govor'at.
b) "Slishkom mnogo"
Otvet: "Tem luchshe! Too much of a good thing is wonderful"

2) Zatem, kogda nachinaesh' delat', ona putaet teb'a naschet celi -
jakoby ja ]to delaju dl'a drugih i nuzhno bystree, i materialov malo.
(V rezul'tate obledenevaet kajf processa).
}to ne tak, ]to (kak i vse ostal'noe) ja delaju dl'a svoego
udovols'tvija, drugie mogut tol'ko pol'ubovat's'a na konechnye rezul'taty.

3) Nakonec, kogda ty na finishe, ona govorit "A komu ]to budet interesno ?".
Otvet - ]to interesno mne.
Perechityvaja, mne budet prijatno, vyrazhajas' (po narodnomu) ja
pomogaju Svetloj.
(SVETE SMIRNOVOJ. TAK JA TAM I NE "POUCHILS'A". RAZVE CHTO V 4M KLASSE...
ILI V 3M ? NE, V 3M BYLA RUM'ANCEVA, A 5M BYLO PODPOL'NOIE UVLECHENIE
PETROVKOJ. NU, GDE TO V ETI GODY MOLODYE).

Drugoj sposob - kogda ty reshaesh' problemu, ona teb'a vovlekaet,
sostojanie portits'a, a ona govorit "Nichego, vot reshish' - i
ispravit's'a". Fault - esli snachala ispravit', to i reshit's'a
bystree.
Speshka ishodit iz togo, chto mne polegchaet, kogda cel'
budet dostignuta. Nepravda. Otricatel'noe sostojanie
ostaets'a, ja berus' esche za grudu zan'atij (nekotoryh
odnovremenno) i zagnivaju okonchatel'no.
(LINK5)

Inogda dostatochno prosto identificirovat' ]ntropiju - i
stanovit's'a legche. No ne vsegda. Ona versatile.
(DA, MIF O TOM, CHTO ONA NE SAMOOBUCHAETS'A UZHE RAZVEJAN).

Analogija - slow gentle typing/"ucheba" na p'atom.
(NESLABO! *POPROBOVAL - KRUT'AK!*).
LINK41

Otnoshenie k REXX - nevazhno, skol'ko u nego juzerov (pust' dazhe
ja odin) i pofig, kakoe buduschee. Poka on udoben, ja
ego ispol'zuju.
Nichego defensive, net sravnenija.
Otkryty glaza i dl'a drugih jazykov.

Priorities: - chto vazhnee, ne otvlekat's'a ili
1) Delat' zaranee zaplanirovannoe ?
2) Delat' chto-to dl'a seb'a, vmesto chego-to dl'a drugih ?

Primer ]ntropii v dejstvii:
Ja sobrals'a pochinit' shtuchku dl'a Dzhojs, po pohodu
prishla drugaja mysl', dumaju - "nu, ]to my migom". Zastr'al i
nachal ter'at' kontrol', a ej tol'ko ]togo i nado.
(EJ - }TO }NTROPII, A NE DZHOJS)

Obschenie s temnymi - kak sovmestit' dobrozhelatel'nost' s tverdost'ju,
chtob tebe ne seli na sheju ?
Kstati, mozhet byt' otvet na ]to budet i otvetom, kak
govorit' s temnoj storonoj - otkazyvat's'a podchina't's'a, no ne
razzadorivat'.
A chto esli poprobovat' kontrast ?

Ozarenie - ]ntropija ispol'zuet tvoi chuvstva ptoriv teb'a.
Po]tomu est' dvojstvennost', tipa pravil'noj i zlokachestvennoj leni.
Len':
+ nezavisimost' ot drugih, svoboda, prijatnoe vrem'aprovozhdenie
- blokirovka sobstvennyh zhelanij

Chuvstvo dolga:
+ uporstvo v reshenii ch
- bespokojstvo, speshka

Chuvstvo jumora:
+ Vesel'je, bezzabotnost'
- Zlye shutki

L'ubov':
+ Fantasticheskij motivator, pomosch' drugim, vdohnovenie
- Neuverennost' v sebe, finty, plohie vospominanija


Ochen' popul'arnyj priem - simvolizm, "neobhodimost'" zagnivat',
chtoby dokazat' chto-to. Dokazyvat' nezachem. Sam ja ]to znaju,
drugie vid'at to, chto na samom dele moe. A bol'she nekomu.
(LINK6)

Thursday 03/28/96
Citata:
"Will to love is either desire to share out strong self-love,
or desire to support our shaky self-love".
Genial'no!!!
LINK39

I drugaja chast' -
"Nado - net takogo slova!"
Esli ja chto-to delaju po vnutrennej vole - eto "hochu".
Eslo po vneshnej - ]to vremennaja ustupka.
Net takogo momenta, kogda propadaet vneshn'aja sila,
a ja prodolzhaju delat' to, chto mne ne nravit's'a.
Takim obrazom, agressory (bud' to huligany ili policejskie) ne ostavl'ajut
sledov v pam'ati i soznanii.
(NE, S }TIM JA ESCHE NE SPRAVILS'A. PO-PREZHENMU NEPRIJATNO
VIDET' MASHINY POLICAEV).

Ja vspomnil dialog iz "Vam i ne snilos'".
- Zachem dolg ? Chto-to zhe dolzhno pobuzhdat' nas rastit' detej, uhazhivat'
za starikami...
- Tol'ko l'ubov' vprave pobuzhdat'!

Soglasie - vrode by ustupka, a na samom dele - drugim tozhe huzhe.
"Ne znaju kogda" - promezhutochnoe zveno.
Postojannoe soglashenie sposobstvuet peregruzke.
Kontrol' forever!

K slovu o prioritetah - samoe glavnoe -
ustanovit' horoshee sostojanie.
Ne mozhet byt' argumenta "net vremeni" - na vse ostal'noe
mozhet ne byt' vremeni, no na state cotnrol vrem'a est' vsegda.
Kontrol' imeet absol'utnyj override.
(KU!)

Esche odin primer zabytija celi - sizhu, skaniruju novye VMD fajly.
Lezut mysli - a kak ih polozhit' na sajt ? A pravil'no otklassificiruju ?
Pofig!
Cel' - protaschit's'a ot novogo muzona, raznoobrazit' repertuar.

Vrem'a kogda my zhdem kompjuter/printer/avtobus - shans
otdohnut' ot speshki.

Monday 04/01/96
Nedel'u nazad, na servise Fillis skazala "Birds sing after storm, why
shouldn't we ?".
Vot ved' interesno - zhivotnym ne podvlasten kontrol' sostojanij, no
u nih net i teh negativnyh sostojanij, kotorye l'udi izobreli sami i
peredajut drugim.
(DA, OB }TOM ESCHE STOIT PODUMAT'. GDE STOJAT ZHIVOTNYE
NA LESTNICE DUHOVNOGO RAZVITIJA ?)

Podumal - konechno, prosto zhenit's'a i naplodit' detej - ]to ne omyslennaja
zhizn'. No vot al'ternativa - pon'at' seb'a, najti pravil'nogo partnera,
sozdat' moschnuju paru i vyrastit' svobodnyh detej - vot vklad v delo
Svetloj Storony!

Reshil, chto s rezkimi suzhdenijami imeet smysl konfrontirovat'.
Ne ob'azatel'no s rogatinoj, no naprimer ostanavlivat' obobschenija
("Vse?").

Razvlechenie v vozhdenii - mozhno spokojno razgl'adyvat' l'udej, vsegda
raznoobraznoe zrelische.

Nezdorovyj shablon - snachala nadejat's'a na buduschee, zatem, kogda ono
prishlo i nichego ne izmenilos', vorchat' o staryh dobryh dn'ah.
Pri pravil'nom podhode vse dni dobrye. Ja by skazal, neu**ennye.

Fraza "Len' - podruga solnca" priobretaet novyj smysl. Solnce - simvol
Sveta. Len' protivopostavl'aets'a speshke i motivacii putem viny.
Znachit, dobrokachestvennaja Len' - nasha sojuznica.

}ntropija ispol'zuet moi sobstvennye kachestva protiv men'a (v Science of Mind)
ee nazyvajut }go, ochen' pohozhe). V chastnosti, po]tomu - 2 tipa leni.
Mne skazali, chto Sila tol'ko odna, no ona vkl'uchaet
seb'a vse, i }go imeet dostup k ee otricatel'nym zapasnikam.
I snova citata is SW - "You feelings can be made serve DarkSide!".
Psihologicheskaja storona fil'ma kazalas' takim primitivom vnachale, no
imejuschij ushi, da poshevelit imi.

"Want is reason". Dostatochnaja prichina chto-to sdelat' - esli ja
hochu ]togo. Zdes' est' spontannost' (=> connection), vesel'je i
raznoobrazie. Ob''jasn'at' sebe bol'she nichego ne nado.
Ob''jasnenie drugim, esli ponadobit's'a, pridet - v takie momenty
vdohnovenie vsegda vyruchaet.

Napisal "svoboda can defend itself" i ne mogu vspomnit', po kakomu povodu.

Otkrytost' - na rabote zametili, chto ja chitaju Self-Love i razgovor ot
mury pereshel k knigam i drugim interesnym temam.

Vizualizacija - predstav' muzyku kak vhod'aschuju v teb'a ]nergiju.

Istorija pro cheloveka, kotoryj hotel uznat', chto takoe zhizn', i nakonec
odin mudrec na vershine Gimalajcev skazal, chto zhizn' - ]to zapah
zhasmina posle dozhd'a.
- No drugoj mudrec i beregov Nila skazal, chto zhizn' - ]to ostrie igly!
- Hmm... ]to ego zhizn'!

U vsego 2 storony, esli pozitivnoj ne vidno, polezno nauchit's'a razgl'adet
ee, ona est' vsegda - look beyond.

Chopra (moj praded) govoril: "When we touch new level soznanija, new world
is created".

Hell is limitation, fence around ourselves. Zdorovo!
Kakoj esche state of mind huzhe, chem limitation.

Esche Chopra: we are thoughts who learned how to have physcical bodies.

Vnutrennij svet - ego chastota - ]to uroven' soznanija.
V sv''azi s ]tim ja pridumal vizual: vvintit' novuju lampochku, krunatun'
potenciometr, smenit' lampochku na bolee moshcnuju.

Mysl' - ogrady, znaki "no tresspassing" mogut byt' popytkami zaschitit'
vneshn'uju svobodu. Interesnyj vyvod - esli ty narushish' vneshn'uju
granicu, no pokazhesh' cheloveku, chto uvazhaesh' ego vnutrenn'uju, u nego
vr'ad li budut prichiny vozrazhat'.

Ocheredi imejut tot zhe smysl, chto probki - zamedli beg, posmotri na
l'udej, na okruzhenie.

Chuvak iz hora skazal, chto ja vsegda smejus' - vot te raz.
Peresmejal amerikancev :)

Sposob popast' v resourceful state - ostanovis' i prislushajs'a.
Primer - na stadione ja zakazal Pepsi, u nih ne bylo kryshek dl'a
malen'kogo stakana.
Ja zameshkals'a, zatem prishla ozornaja ideja - ja styril s prilavka
obrazcovyj bol'shoj stakan i perelil kolu tuda.

BTW, you can tell the state by quality of typing - the more errors,
the worse. Exercise - slow down typing, gain accuracy.

Tuesday 04/02/96
PERL debugging could be the best exercise in self-control :)
If you can debug PERL, you can face anything.

Novosti: ja uluchshil logging na svoem sajte i okazalos', chto chitatelej
dohrena!
Tol'ko za segodn'ashnij den', 2e aprel'a ko nam vlezlo 7 chelovek!!!
Ocenka:
1) Uraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
2) Ne men'aet stil'a raboty - vol'nyj.
Otvetstvennost' - nikakoj.
Nagruzka - otsustvuet.

Give - and they will come.
Told you :):):)

Wednesday 04/03/96
Chuvak v zhurnale OBE rasskazyvaet, chto deti ego vid'at.

Thursday 04/04/96
Pomosch' drugim - novyj podhod.
Otvlechenie ot bol'shogo ch, reshenie ih - SE goes up.
Net peregruzki - t.k. net ob'azannostej.
Zamet', ja takzhe ne ob'azan pomogat', ja eto delaju po dobroj vole i
dl'a IP. Poetomu, ja ne poddajus' ih ocenkam, kogda eto dolzhno byt' sdelano.
Net takogo slova kak 'dolzhno'.
Kogda pomozhesh' (svoimi tempami), oni poblgadora't - boost!

JW.Dunne, 1970..An Experiment with Time - teorija
parallel'nyh mirov.

Saturday 04/06/96
Poter'a kontrol'a pohozha na 1j chih vo-vrem'a allergii -
dumaesh', raz i vse, a potom uzhe diko trudno ostanovit's'a.

Ocherednoj uspeh - izbavlenie oit allergii/chihanija/nasmorka
s pomosch'ju Malen'kogo Gnoma!
A, JA I ZABYL OB ETOM. V ODNOJ KNIGE PODSOSZNANIE OPISYVALOS', KAK
CHELOVECHEK, SID'ASCHIJ ZA STEKLOM, V OGROMNOJ BIBLIOTEKE.
POKA EGO NE POZOVUT, ON CHITAET SEBE ZHURNAL. NO ESLI POPROSIT' O
POMOSCHI, ON PEREKOPAET VSE ZNANIJA I VSPOMINANIJA, NAJD'A OTVET.
JA DAL EMU IM'A "MALE'NKIJ GNOM".

Wednesday 04/10/96
"Life energy - the animating force that is common to all
living beings... the organizing, anti-entropic essence of life".

Tuesday 04/16/96
Horoshij sposob pinpointit' svoi i chuzhie slozhnosti -
kogda o nih zahodit razgovor, my stanovims'a defensive.

Wednesday 04/17/96
Tol'ko chto byl ]pizod - vozvraschajus' s obedu, rashpil' stavl'u u steny,
Pola gopvorit: "Zvonila Natasha, iz Vashingtona".
Ja medlenno vypadaju v osadok, dumaju "Neuzhto ?", nachinaju planiroat',
kak zhit-'to dal'she...
Okazalos'm, chto zvonila AviaAgent iz Chikago.

Thursday 04/18/96
Interesnyj variant igry so vremenem:
predstav', chto problema uzhe reshena, get into that state, a zatem
vspomni, kak zhe ty ee reshil.

Friday 04/19/96
Osnovy vnutrennej svobody.
1) Esli ja chego-to ne hochu delat', men'a nel'z'a zastavit' - ja uvernus' s
d'javol'skoj izvorotlivost'ju.
2) Ja mogu byt' polnost'ju bezrazlichen k chuzhim otricatel'nym emocijam,
when I choose to.

Regarding "pravil'noe ispol'zovanie voobrazhenija" - pridumyvaj
momental'nyj otvet na "pochemu eto proizoshlo" po principu
BOFH.
(CHERT-S, CHTO ZA BOFH TAKOJ ?)

Saturday 04/20/96
Po povodu viny - kak chast' kampanii, oslabl'aj ee u drugih.
Oni govor'at "I feel bad", otvechaj, chto ne vinish' ih, chto
tebe tak horosho.

Monday 04/22/96
Ja pereopredelil zadachu voobrazhenija i podsoznanija voobsche.
Vmesto togo, chtogy zasischat' men'a ot vozmozhnyh provalov
i podstilat' podushki, ja poruchil emu zana'ts'a tem, chtoby on pomogalo
mne taschit's'a v tekuschij moment.

Chatlanskaja pol'za ot togo, chto men'a vyzyvajut v telefonnuju komnatu -
mozhno povolynit' po puti obratno, nikto tolkom ne znaet, gde ja dolzhen
byt'.

V centre za men'a pokoldovali po povodu vuza. Ona skazala, chtoby ja
vypisal harakteristiki vuza, kotorogo ja hochu vstretit'. Poehali.
1) Romantik
2) Interesuets'a samo-razvitiem, idealistka, otkrytoe soznanie
3) Dobraja
4) Zhelatel'no (no ne ob'azatel'no) russkaja

My skoro vstretims'a!

Tuesday 04/23/96
Snova ubezhdajus' - problemy vazhny tol'ko postol'ku poskol'ku
I believe in my ability to solve them.
Poetomu peregruzka - neprostoj faktor, esli s konkretnoj problemoj
mozhno soznatel'no znat', chto reshish', kogda navalivaets'a kucha,
pravil'nee vsego VERIT', chto mozhesh'.

Wednesday 04/24/96
Perebiraju organizer, tol'ko nachalis' zapisi s keyword PSI.
1) I am responsible for intent, not interpretation.
Bezuslovno. Ots'uda poshlo pon'atie 'internt readjustment' - chego, ja
sobstvenno donivajus' - pomogaet v sporah, daet bols'he svobody i
samovyrazhenija. Polezno pomnit', zachem vse zatejal (dl'a seb'a)
- inache mozhno poter'ar' kajf v processe.

2) Superconscious - 1j raz ja uslyshal etot termin v Centre, kogda
tovarisch iz hora ob''jasn'al mne smysl emblemy. Zdes' srazu prozvuchala
sv'az' s "kollektivnym soznaniem", krutaja ideja vezde vokrug.

3) Polezno verit' v izobilie - kogda znaesh', chto tebe hvatit s izbytkom,
legche ustupit', podelit's'a s drugimi.

4) Net sravnenija v muzyke (etot belief uzhe ustanovlen!)

4) Vysokaja samoocenka - net nuzhdy podvertzhdat' i dokazyvat'.
Moja suschnost' - konstanta. Moi opredel'ajuschie cherty (jumor,
igrivost', nahodchivost') neujazvimy i vechny.

5) Expression - to whom ?
Vot vazhnyj vopros.
Pomnish' eti nadpisi i risunki na stenah vdol' zhelezki ?
Ved' tozhe, avtory ne ischut nagrad i vr'ad li uznajut mnenie
zritelej, no vse-taki ostavl'ajut svoi tvorenija tam, gde ih mozhno
uvidet'.

Monday 04/29/96
Baza tak nazyvaemogo rebounda, a takzhe zagnivanie
posle horoshego postupka - reakcija "I didn't do my best".
Prichem, ]to rabotaet dazhe zadnim chislom - naprimer,
kogda ja dal stariku deneg i sn'al emu komnatu v motele,
potom men'a pripeklo "A chego ty emu ne kupil bilet ?".
Podumaem.
Chto znachit "best" ?
O chem rech' ?
Rech' mozhet idti tol'ko ob intente.

Tuesday 04/30/96
Kak rabotaet peregruzka.
U men'a chto-to sprashivajut. Ja prinimaju vopros blizko k serdcu,
poputno brosaju, chto ja delaju.
Pytajus' pomoch', ne ob'azatel'no uspeshno. Nastroenie idet vniz,
syp'ats'a novye voprosy, zagnivanie progressiruet.
V konce koncov vstupaet ]ntropija i posylaet sprashivajuschego na
BAM.

Zametki na manzhetah:
1) Esli v kriticheskoj sekcii svoego ch, ne otvlekajsa bez krajnej
nuzhdy. Ili zhe otvlekajsa tolko esli uveren, chto ch drugogo
prostoj i dast mne boost.

1.5) Ne otklikajs'a na zhaloby, esli oni adresovany v vozduh -
nam zaschischat's'a ni k chemu.

2) Esli otvleks'a, pomni, chto eto ne tvoj ch. Net absolutno
nikakogo linka. Kak govoril Berimor, "A mne vse ppp**uj!!!"

Wednesday 05/01/96
Prazdnuem 1go Maja.
Prazdniki - protivopolozhnost' strukture.
Mozhet, ona ih i porodila (hot'a vr'ad li), no oni
stanov'ats'a l'udskimi.

Thursday 05/02/96
Sign - kogda negativ perekluchaetsa s
"ne vyjdet" na "mozhno bylo po drugomu" ili "zachem eto nuzhno?",
eto oznachaet, chto ja blizok k uspehu.

Friday 05/03/96
Ja pon'al vse: ]go - eto struktura.
I kak l'ubaja struktura, ee glavnaja cel' - samosohranenie.
Set of beliefs and values put together for a purpose,
but once it got settled, forgot the original task it was
supposed to do and assumed that it IS me.

V zakone sohranenija - dvizhuschaja sila ]go, no ]tot zakon
drozhit i rassypaets'a pered ponimaniem.
Identificirovat' chto-to, kak strukturu - pervyh shag k
ee pereosmysleniju.

}go daet mne prichiny, po kotorym nado izbegat' kontakta s l'ud'mi -
men'she nelovkosi, styda, viny. No ono zabyvaet dobavit', chto vse
]ti chuvstva - tozhe chast' ]go i oni MOGUT byt' izmeneny.
Obhod'a obshenie, ja ne podvergaju testu neperfektnye beliefy => oni lezhat sebe i ne men'ajuts'a.
*
Delaju programmu dl'a izdanija pechatnoj versii stranicy.
Napisal pervuj proc, blest'aschij uspeh,
srazu perekl'uchenie s "ne vyjdet" na "komu nuzhno".
He.

Monday 05/06/96
Pochemu ]go hochet vneshnej svobody - tol'ko
pri polnom otsutstvii vneshnih vozdejstvij
mozhet ono nadejats's'a sohranit' vse cennosti/ubezhdenija
v neizmennosti => sohranit' svoju strukturu.

Ku, nashel pozitivnye novosti v realaudio.
V pervom zhe klipe upominaets'a religioznaja nauka.
"The power of positive linking".

Web - always for interesting topic you have to find one
link and that one will point to others.

Positive Page - otlichnaja stranica!

Robbins:
"Many educational enterprises fail to achieve the results they desire for
lack of one simple idea: Most people would much rather be entertained than
educated. The 21st century educator must be an extraordinary Entertainer
who Educates people with the finest tools, and Empowers them to act upon
them. I call this philosopy, E3".

"Tony's programs vary tremendously and have a large scope. His
material varies from changing your values and beliefs to managing your emotional
states. One simple technique he teaches is called "Morning/Evening
Questions". The idea is that when you wake up in the morning, you ask
yourself questions that will put you into a peak state and focus you on the
positive, exciting, truly motivating aspects of your life. For example you
might ask, "What am I really excited about in my life?" or "What am I
really grateful for in my life?" or "What could I accomplish today that
would really make life better for myself and those around me?""
(PROBOVAL, TOL'KO MNE NADOELO }TIM ZANIMAT'S'A.
OSOBENNO, KOGDA V ODNO UTRO MNE }TO NE POMOGLO)

alt.self-improve - ku!

Tuesday 05/07/96
Vot vopros, kotoryj polezno reshit'.
Ja zan'at, chto-to chin'u, ko mne podhod'at, sprashivajut
"V chem delo ?", "Skoro pochinish'?" i dr.
Ochen' legko r'avknut' v otvet i obespechit' sebe vneshnee spokojstvie.
Tol'ko ]to ne metod. Oni ni pri chem, ih pripekat' ne za chto.
I mne ]to vnutrenne ne pomogaet, naoborot, dobavl'aets'ja bazarnyj
moment, tipa "esche i sobaka laet": Vot ne rabotaet, a esche rugnul
kogo-to.
Kak zhe pravil'no ?

Wednesday 05/08/96
Entropija:
otvlekaet men'a ot izuchenija novogo - libo prit'agivaet vnimanie
k chemu-to drugomu, libo ispol'zuet vneshnie faktory - "kak drugie
posmotr'at na to, chem ty zanimaeshs'a".

Monday 05/13/96
Fizicheskoe sostoianie men'aet sil'naja emocija.
Dve temnye: gnev i strah stabil'no eto delajut.
So far odna svetlaja - seks drajv.

Asphalt philisopher:
The world of the past forgets pain and remembers success.
The world of the future is a dream of perfection.
The world of the present is a choice. I choose to see life as good.
*
Simpatichnyh ad - "medvedica ischet medved'a".
*
Slushaju po telefonu ob'javlenija sluzhby znakomstv.

Odna zapnulas' v seredine predlozhenija:
"I am a homo... home owner."

Drugaja:
"I've got 2 kids!")
(ton toch' v toch' kak voditel' taksi iz Total Recall,
kotoryj povtorjal "I've got 5 kids to feed!").
*
Mnogie govor'at: "I am told that I am attractive"

"I am looking for man who's looking for true woman
in box 1002".
*
"This is box 953".
"In this box you will find a single black female"..

"I am box number 662".

Tuesday 05/14/96
Ne vydavaj juzeram krutyh objasnenij poka ne uveren, chto ispravil -
oni mogut okazatsa i nepravil'nymi, a narod volnuetsja.
I uzh tem bolee, nezachem ih vovlekat' v process otladki - tol'ko shum
i bazar.

O prokrastinacii. Primer - obnovlenie kompa v NJ.
P&P assesment -
1) Zvonit' samomu - bazar
2) Dat' Juriku - tozhe bazar, vse ravno uchastvovat'

Cel' - chtoby men'a ostavili v pokoe.

Neizbezhnyj rezul'tat - proktastinacija.
Ne tol'ko ona prijatnee drugih variantov,
no ona pr'amo sleduet iz celi.
Vyvod - inogda trebuets'a pereocenka ne p&p, a celej.
Naprimer, sprosit' "esli eto takoj bazar, kak eto voobsche popalo
v spisok celej ?".
Ili posmotret' dal'she - iskazit' vrem'a tak, slovno cel' uzhe
dostignuta. Sejchas poprobuem...

Itak, kak ty pomnish', my ustanovili Win95 inet host.
Chto my teper' mozhem delat' ?
1) RC over TCP/IP
2) FTP
3) IPHONE => adv of inet.
4) video conf
5) Drive sharing (win95/tcp) => batch processing to automate updates.
Ku.
Zvonim.
Ogo!
Iskazhenie vremeni - eto sila!

Wednesday 05/15/96
Note the distinction between solving problem and worrying.
If there is meeting planned and you are ready, you are better
off not thinking about it - pure waste of time.
Eto ne prokrastinacija, potomu chto ty ne otkladyavesh' reshenija
na potom.

Drugoj moment: javnyj bazar luchshe potencial'nogo - kogda
boishs'a podojti, sprosit', luchshe eto-taki sdelat', potomu
chto inache v igru mozhet vstupit' negativnoe voobrazhenie,
a ono sposobno narisovat' kartiny kuda mrachnee, chem chto-libo, chto
mogut skazat' tebe.


">Is what's going through my head common? Anybody else experience that?
>And where is it coming from/how can I change it...
Sounds like low self-esteem. See if you can visualize a win-win.. Where
you both are made happier by sharing time together."

"In fact that reminds me vividly of the
best person I have ever known...who had the amazing gift of making
people happy. He didn't do or say anything special...and yet after
spending some time with him a person would come away simply feeling
happy. What a wonderful gift! What on earth was it? I don't know. It
seemed that when someone was near to him they picked up some of his
serenity...his deep peace...his happiness. So his gift to the world was
his own happiness. By simply being happy himself he made others happy.
And that certainly made the world a better place."

"In his Date With Desiny course, Tony Robbins describes his fear
of changing the order of his values so that happiness was above
ahievement. At the time, achieving was *very* important to him
and making happiness a bigger priority seemed threatening to his
identity as a super-achiever.
He chose to try it on a trial basis and quickly found himself
"happily achieving" more than ever."

Metod - predstavit' attirbuty, kotorye hotel by imet',
razbit' na neskol'ko kusochkov. Zatem, predstavl'aju, kak
"ja s etimi kachestvami" dogon'at i slivaetsa so mnoj ili
vypriguvaet iz-za ugla i ostaetsa vo mne.
(NI HRENA SEB'A VIZUALIZACIJA)

Otlovil frazu iz Garazha, kotoraja mogla byt'
nejavnoj otricaterl'noj komandoj:
"Nam, intelligentam, svosjtvenno sdelat' gadost', a potom
dolgo o nej raskaivat's'a". Chush' sobach'ja, vot i ves' skaz.
I skazala ]ta glavnaja Cin'a.

Thursday 05/16/96
Internet - kak chelovek, esli budesh' neterpeliv, nichego ne vyjdet.

Monday 05/20/96
Pozitivnye izmenenija za etot god:
0) Taschus' ot novogo mira - prostranstva l'usidnyh snov
1) Perestal nervnichat', kogda gud'at voditeli szadi
(NU, POCHTI PERESTAL. JA NAD ETIM ESCHE HAKIRUJU)
2) Spokojnej otnoshus' k policii
(OTNOSILS'A, POKA MEN'A SNOVA NE OSHTRAFOVALI)
4) Nauchils'a ispol'zovat' jakori
5) Snova zan'als'a literaturoj, v neslyhannom dosele masshtabe
6) Snova nachal pet'.
7) Ujasnil principy peregruzki, vnutrennej svobody, entropii
(VERNEE, NACHAL UJASN'AT')
8) Nashel mnogo novyh krasivyh mest v gorode - u magazinchika s vidom
na avtomobil'nuju reku, ploschadka nad KrivKerskim ozerom, rucheek v lesu
za 6 flagami.
9) ?

Wednesday 05/22/96
Lucid Dream Playshop - can explain basics on 1st meeting.
Even better, assemble Lucid Dreamers of the area, share dreams and
methods.
(ETOGO NE SDELAL, NO ZATO L'USIDNAJA STRANICA RASTET NE PO DN'AM,
A PO NEDEL'AM)

New hacking things learned in past year:
1) Windows95
2) HTML+CGI, page development, REXX HTM generation, intranet server,
PMR page
3) Perl
4) Peer to Peer networking
5) Internet gateway
6) Netscape, IE, plugins, streaming data.

Wednesday 05/22/96
New useful interpretation - pomosch' drugim, kodga oni panikujut,
a problema prostaja - napominaet o tom, chto na samom dele ja
kuda vyshe problem i oni ne mogut men'a serjezno zastoporit', poka
ja sam im etogo ne pozvol'u.

Thursday 05/23/96
Poka nepon'atno, chto delat' v situacii, kogda poobeschal odnomu,
a potom okazyvaetsa, chto i drugomu nado pozarez, i on imeet vse prava.
Note that this is an internal ch - if you end up scolding
the 2nd for breaking your 1st appointment, you'll spoil
otnoshenija with both and will be responsible.
Net result - feeling guilty towards one or both and avoiding them.

Absol'utnaja i sravnitel'naja tochki zrenija.
Kogda iskrenne hvalish' drugogo, tvoi sily pribavl'ajuts'a, potomu
chto tem samym enforce abs tochku. Iskrenn'aja pohvala nevozmozhna v
sravnitel'noj tochke - tol'ko esli l'stish' ili nabivaesh's'a na otvetnyj
kompliment.
(KRUTO!)

Cmp is useful kogda abs mnenie nizkoe - "Ja ne interesen"-"A ty znaesh'
kogo-libo interesnee ?"-"Net"-"Well, then".

Friday 05/24/96
Kogda drugoj govorit, chto u nego tot zhe nedug, stanovits'a
fizicheski legche.

Kohda navalivajut ogranichenija, eto povod dl'a projavlenija
izobretatel'nosti i voobrazhenija. Naprimer, men'a pripekli,
chtoby ja ostavl'al zapisku, kogda uhozhu na obed - ja napisal CGI dl'a
]togo.

Edinstvennaja zaschita, kotoraja nuzhna - ]to stop other from
interrupting your creative state.
THAT IS, MAINTAIN CREATIVE STATE DESPITE OTHER'S INTERVENTION.


Monday 06/17/96
Do not debug while talking to others - guaranteed overload.

Bigotry could be an attempt to convince self and others that you have
made right choice. Take OS/2 - it was good system and we parted peacefully
- there is certainly no reason for me to hold anything against it, but
I seem to skip Warp news automatically, same way I used to do with Windows.
IS THAT BECAUSE I WAS OS/2 DIEHARD, MORE THAN IT REALLY DESERVED ?

Guarantee against overload would be to learn pacing.
For example, I got bunch of email. Email - klevoe delo,
no esli nakinuts'a na vse srazu i dumat, chto nado nemedlenno
vsem otvetit', budet peregruzka.

Feeling resp for everybody is dangerously close to trying to
ctrl everybody. Those that affect your state seem as candidates for
readjustment, while in truth, it is only state itself that needs to be
changed. Besides, when in bad state, you can't help anybody else to change
anyway.
(KSTATI, 'RESP FOR EVERYBODY' PODHODIT POD OPREDELENIE
'CODEPENDENCY').

Can I apply this to hacking ? Not controlling computer, but
freely expressing knowledge and creating together ?
(SIL'NAJA IDEJA. MY DOPOLN'AEM DRUG DRUGA, VMESTE MY SIL'NEE,
CHEM PO OTDEL'NOSTI, KAZHDYJ UMEET TO, CHEGO ME MOZHET DRUGOJ).

Prokrastinacija primenitel'no k kompu - on ne znaet,
kakoj iz moih processov vazhnee i v rezul'tate podvisaet.

Use memory book tech to remember todos ?

Metod "Need help ?" works straight with subc and bezotkazno -
Jurik keeps using it on me and I can't resist. Ku.

Monday 06/24/96
Ne iskl'ucheno, chto po obrazam, kotorye ja delaju iz oblakov, mozhno
takzhe opredel'at' nastroenie.
(VSE PROSTO - V IZOBRETATEL'NOM SOSTOJANII MNE OCHEN' LEGKO
VIDET' KARTINKI V OBLAKAH. V UNRESOURCEFUL... VOOBSCHE TRUDNO
SMOTRET' NA NEBO KAZHET'S'A TAKOJ BESMYSLENNOJ TRATOJ VREMENI.
KSTATI, HOROSHO BY PODN'AT' SHTORU NA RABOTE, JA I PRAVDA DAVNO V
RABOCHEE VREM'A NEBA NE VIDEL).

Same dist - either altering perception to make them (oblaka) form pic or
trying to change them (which sorowfully fails).

Ocherednoj urok - molodaja belka, kotoraja hvatala kazhdyj novyj kusochek
hleba, brosaja staryj. V rezul'tate ona tratila bol'she usilij,
koncentracii i s'jela men'she. Tipichnyj primer peregruzki.
Squirrel shall learn her lesson. Will I ?

Chto za chert, pohozhe, chto za vrem'a otpuska u men'a uluchshilos'
zrenie. Ot vody, chto li ?!
A, OKEANSKOJ.

Document times when you are succ handling overload or other
weakness. Later you'll be able to find out, what key elements were
(beliefs i dr.).

Tuesday 06/25/96
Metod Jurika (pervym delom predlagat' pomosch', kogda tebe chto-to nuzhno)
rabotaet fantasticheski i bezuslovno na podsoznatel'nom urovne.
Vozmozhnye prichiny:

1) Ja ne proch' pomoch', esli u men'a vse v por'adke, a chelovek
pokazyvaet, chto on tozhe ]togo hochet i dazhe predlagaet utr'asti
moj challenge.
2) Dzhust shows that he cares => I am more likely to help
3) Predlozhenie pomoschi - ]to kak by predupreditel'nyj udar - po sebe
znaju, chto mne prijatnee chto-to delat', kogda ]to proishodit po moej
sobstvennoj iniciative.

Nachni ispol'zovat' ]tot metod sam.

Entropija uzhe uspela podkinut' prichinu not to -
"Esli uslyshat, chto ja predlagaju pomosch', reshat chto mne nechego
delat' i zagruz'at".
Vyhod: predlagaj, no ne demonstrativno. Vsem ]to nezachem slyshat'.

PSI- L'udi iz sfery obsluzhivanija taschat's'a, kogda ih blagodarish' po
imeni - do that.

PSI- Prijatno soznavat', chto obgon'aesh' entropiju.
No dazhe esli otstaesh', kogda est' spisok, ona ne mozhet
pobedit' - medlenno, no verno ja otvoevyvaju territoriju.
Would be useful to concentrate on task and get others tmp
out of mind - how ?

Vyvedi otnoshenie k vlozhennomu hakirovaniju - fun, no inogda uvodit
ot celi. Mozhet takoj zhe kriterij, kak s obychnymi kukishami -
(btw, I use transformational vocabulary a lot!) - otvlekajs'a
tol'ko esli uveren, chto bystro sdelaesh' i ne zabudesh'
ob original'nom taske.
O, JA I ZABYL PRO TRANSFORMATIONAL VOCABULARY.
THIS MAKES ME PEEVED.

Mozhet, komp kak sobaka - kogda ty ego boish's'a, kusaet ?
OCHEN' VOZMOZHNO.

Te, kto prihod'at k nam s ch - pomoschniki v bitve s entropiej.
OTLICHNAJA INTERPRETACIJA, JA DO SIH POR EE ISPOL'ZUJU!
DA, I ESCHE NEKOTORYJ PACING - KOGDA U MEN'A ZVONIT TELEFON,
JA DAJU EMU NEMNOGO POSHUMET', A POTOM PODNIMAJU.

Worry, guilt and fear are the vibrating shariki v kuvshine
soznanija. Oni diko prep'atstvujut normal'nomu resheniju
vyzovov.

State is not directly related to amount of probs solved -
I have list, mostly done and nothing.

Wednesday 06/26/96
Esche odin metod ]ntropii - when faced with overload, I may
discard useful evidence that could assist me in fixing ch.

You lose when you start taking self-assigned task too seriously.
DA, KOGDA ZABYVAESH' O TOM, CHTO }TO IGRA, PRICHEM JA SAM EE NACHAL.

Sdelaj jakor'a na slova "crash" & "froze" - oni men'a bes'at,
a juzery ispol'zujut ih napravo i nalevo.
KAZHETS'A DELAL, NO ONI USTARELI. DAVAJ ESCHE RAZ.

VMD is a LifeSaver.
DAZHE NE POMN'U, O CHEM RECH'. O MUZONE ?

Konflikt between leaving task because of unresourceful state
& jumping between.

Interesno, kak malo ja pozvol'aju sebe poradovats'a dostignutomu.
Srazu "No nado eshe vot eto sdelat'!" i sha.
Kak by eto izmenit' ?
Eto diko vazhno - kakoj smysl v achievement esli ono ne prinosit radosti ?
Mozhno cheredovat' serjeznye i neserjeznye dela iz spiska.

Vesch', kotoraja perestaet rabotat', legko ispravit', poka ona
teplen'kaja. S techeniem vremeni kazhets'a chto ch ser'jeznej+
zabyvajuts'a detali implementacii.

Fixing little things that bug me is taking ground back from the
entropy.
TOCHNO!
STABIL'NO
Ja boleznenno vosprinimaju pripekanija, kotorye kasajuts'a slabyh mest
(vina, ocenka). Chasto zanimajus' tem, chto v golove pripekaju seb'a ot
lica drugogo. Zachem ?

"Perfect child of God" mozhno prin'at', kak odno iz opredelenij identity.
(Nar'adu s "fighter against entropy").
I OHOTNIK ZA {NTROPIEJ.

Kstati, por'adok ne javl'aets'a protivopolozhnost'ju entropii.
Zlostnaja struktura - takoe zhe orudie entropii, kak i polnyj
haos. Protivopolozhnost' - ]to svoboda.

Going back in time, my love for OS/2 was probably just a reflection
of my love for REXX, since they were the ones to make it sys language
(after VM/CMS).
VPOLNE VARBUTNO.

Ne iskl'ucheno, chto ja ne mogu polnost'ju podat's'a v optimisty,
potomu chto eto associiruets'a s sovetskim zhizneradostnym bredom tipa
"Plan Vypolnen!"

I k bogatstvu u men'a tozhe est' kakaja-to pretenzija.

Guy from RFL:
"To think that the physical world is all there is seems somewhat silly to me. I find
it hard to believe that the only thing that exists is what we can see. I think
it was
more than fear that led humans to sense the existence of a supernatural force.
Long ago, I made the assumption that there IS more to life than meets the eye.
Once I made that assumption, I was free to examine the possibilities.

Sceptics who poo-poo whatever is out of the ordinary, be it psychic
phenomena, alternative therapies or non-traditional lifestyles, tend to have a
very patronizing attitude towards those of us who are pioneers of
consciousness. Perhaps you've seen the fellow named Randy who makes a
career out of debunking the odd and unusual. Invariably, whoever happens to
be interviewing him shares his disdain for those he is "exposing."

I haven't found that many sceptics whose lives I would want to model. They are
caught up in the same negativity, dis-ease and materialism that pervades the
world. Their scepticism isn't making their lives -- or the world -- any better.
However, a lot of people I know who are walking uncharted paths have found
a peace and satisfaction that only comes when one is willing to reach out
beyond that which is known and provable.

I think that the majority of people feel the "more" of life and want to believe that
it exists. For many who were brought up in strictly religious households, a
punishing God doesn't work for them. They want to believe in something, but
don't know how to express that belief."
*
Missouri
Vedanta Society of St. Louis
205 S. Skinker Blvd.
St. Louis, MO 63105
314-721-5118
*
Sharing is important. Ja tol'ko chto nashel interesnuju shtuku
na Nete, a posharit' ne znaju kak. Vedanta - ]to drevn'aja
indijskaja religija, slovo v slovo kak nasha Nauka Soznanija.
*
Chitaem instrukcii dl'a meditacii...

Otr otnoshenie k slovu flow - ot Ady.
Misenterpretacija, moj flow - ]to chistaja intuicija.
Ona zhe imeet v vidu zhizn' na avtopilote.

RFL/Spirit - sovetujut men'at' avtopiloty - ku, ja i sam doper.
IP, diff states, diff moods.

RFL:
"I honestly believe that The Universe (or whatever you call The Force that
created this whole show) supports us if we support ourselves." - Kak voda!
POMN'U - ONA PODDERHGIVAET MEN'A, ESLI JA SAM HOCHU }TOGO.

"Each day, when you catch yourself in little untruths, tell the truth
instead. The Truth will set you free. Use it at work to acknowledge your
truth and you will free your Self."
Obanaa! Is there dist between being true to yourself and
upholding universal truth ? For me lying - norma zhizni, no hochu
li ja, chtoby ono ostavalos' moej harakteristikoj ?
*ULYBAETS'A NASCHET "NORMA ZHIZNI"*

Thursday 06/27/96
Looking at list of files with timestamps helps to remember
scheduled events.

Kstati, bez Sharpa ja pojmal seb'a na tom chto op'at' ne pomn'u dn'a
nedeli.

Jumping between tasks is especially dangerous when combined
with extra distractions: less concentration => easier to get
distracted => less hacked => blame others.

Motivation for jumping tasks could be "if there is many of them,
there is got to be one that's easy to solve". Another - "if I
pick one, I'll really commit to it and will feel bad if I can't solve it."
PR'AMO KAK JUMPING BETWEEN "VUZY". NEVER WORKED WELL, EITHER.

Solving - I often feel content that "I tried something, even if
it didn't work". History - zadachi, kotorye ja ne hochu prover'at' -
"ja zhe ih uzhe proboval".
DA, A ZADNIM CHISLOM KAZHETS'A, CHTO JA VYLOZHILS'A I PROBLEMA BYLA
SIL'NEE MEN'A.

}mocii, kotorye ja ispytyvaju v techenie nedeli:
1) Prokrastinacija (ja sejchas tam)
Berus' to za odno, to za drugoe, ochen' skoro brosaju.
Rush, trouble slowing down when I do start something.
Combined with unr state. And unwiligness to express.

Think of a way to get resourceful when there is no clouds.
1) Read my page ?
2) Collect anekdoty iz arhivov Purvy
*
Reading backwards helps from jumping ahead - chto vperedi, ja uzhe
prochel.

Men'a nel'z'a perenabl'udat' - v l'ubyh uslovijah ja nahozhu
vrem'a i dl'a baldezha, i dl'a raboty.
V SMYSLE, KAK BY ZA MNOJ NE SLEDILI, JA VSE RAVNO SAM BUDU RASPREDEL'AT'
SVOE VREM'A. }TO FAKT!

New def for those that call with problems - they help to fight
against entropy by providing specific targets to strike and
focusing my att on something I might have missed.
OTLICHNO!

Metody entropii
When I don't know something and it is brought to my attention,
1st reaction is to feel bad and next - to prove to myself that
I don't want to know it anyway. This limits my horizon to things
I can find by myself, because external (useful) input is largely
rejected.
* PERECHITYVAJU I CHUVSTVUJU ODNOVREMENNO "VOT KONCHAT'S'A
ORIGINAL'NYE IDEI, BUDU POVTOR'AT'S'A" I V TO ZHE VREM'A "DA KOGDA ZHE }TA
BITVA KONCHIT'S'A ?" *
BACK TO TEXT, 'LIMITS MY HORIZON' - EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

To avoid jumping, stay on target and add branches to BITVA as
they come along.
KLASSNAJA IDEJA!

AR asked his friend "There is so much to do, how people can
ever be bored ?"
I say, for that very reason, can't handle the overload.

Obs: I start feeling bad when I realize there is something
newer and I am still using cur version. Instant loss of air.
Otnoshenie - going for new is reqd only when curr is limiting.
In case of 4DOS, it isn't.

I almost combine strive for new (from hacking mentality) with
responsibility (from rabota) - combination is dreadful.
I am not responsible to have newest. I don't have to.
I do this when I feel like it and have fun doing it.

Another LoA - when adding feature that seems simple, but
it doesn't work instantly. The truth is - nothing ever does.
This is the law of the Hack.
KU. V KAMIN'.

Come up with a polite way to otfutbolivat'.
Otherwise overload is unavoidable.

It seems like I feel need to match level of user's panic.
What for ? Rapport ? It usually leads to rugan' and blaming instead.
And sure as hell kicks me out of resourceful state.
Formula: znanija obratno proporcional'ny panike.
Esli ja podnimajus' na odin uroven' paniki s juzerom,
mne nuzhno gorazdo bol'she znanij, chtoby ee nejtralizovat' -
bol'she chem u men'a est'.
Vyhod: uspokoit' juzera i spokojno reshit'.
Uverennost' v sebe baziruets'a ne na real'nosti, a na fokuse -
fokuse na vospominanijah, podkrepl'ajuschih tochku zrenija.
Avtopilot lezet v proshloe i nahodit podvterzhdenija dl'a
nizkoj ocenki - there are always some. But there are also
(and many times more) positive memories - to focus on them
is my task.
GLUBOKO SKAZAL. }TO POLEZNO POMNIT', JA }TU IDEJU UZHE PODZABYL.

Metody entropii - as new things come up, they seem more
interesting/easy than the one I am working on, I jump to
them and sometimes never come back.
*POSMOTREL NA RAZMER FAJLA - BOL'SHOJ, O! TUT ZHE PODUMAL "DA, A NA KNIGU
NE HVATIT"*

Tuesday 07/02/96
When you say "I am sick of", you cannot make a good judgement
of what really is the trouble - you look for netscapegoat.

Find new def for external distraction that are not really
directed at me.
STILL LOOKING.

Na temu "Len' - podruga solnca".
Story: Uronil monetu v fontan. If you splash around, looking for it,
you won't find it. But if you do nothing, you'll see it thru clear
water.
VOT }TO DA! DAVNO BY TAK!

"Hard work is not a virtue in itself" - yeaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

"By not doing the usual, we discover the unusual that clears
the differences."

".. having made room for Truth, it comes".

When you find yourelf striving for perfection too hard,
stop and look back, at the part that is already perfect.
Instantly feel better.

Asphalt Philosopher:
"The joy in a journey is in the travel itself. The destination provides a
goal and a direction, but to me, the joy is not at arriving but in the
struggle to get there.
VOT TE NA. A JA DUMAL, CHTO }TO CHISTO MOJA IDEJA.
NAVERNOE, ONA STALA MOEJ, KOGDA JA DOZREL I SAM EE VYSKAZAL.
KSTATI, IZ }TOGO SLEDUET, CHTO GOOD IDEAS THAT I REJECT AT THE TIME ARE
NOT WASTED - THEY STAY INSIDE, READY FOR THE TIME I CAN ACCEPT THEM.

"Fire ants and humans are very similar. Humans are an extreme pestilence
problem here on Earth. Their sting is very painful. They are aggressive
and show no mercy. Little has stopped them and they have destroyed many
other native species. To many other creatures, and often to each other,
they represent a plague upon the land.

And yet God takes pity upon these humans. Watching our struggle God feels
mercy. He offers the hand to raise us up above the slick and insecure and
sets us aright on level ground. Like the ant, we often scurry away and
return to our mound.

And, when we sting Him, I am sure He wishes we would remember He is our
friend."
KUU...

"Darkness always yields to light. Light is the force, not darkness.
Darkness is the result of the absence of light and darkness is banished when
light appears. A single spark or a small flame will illuminate a vast
cavern."

Jasha said "They will come to you". Eto verno - pomosch'
drugim luchshe vsego pashet lichnym primerom.

Wednesday 07/03/96
Metody entropii.
When there is little time, it will tell you "Skip it, you'll
miss other things!"
When there is lots of time, it says "No rush, you'll do it later!"
When other people are involved, it brags "Don't do that, you may
affect them.

Ispravlenie kuda vazhnee objasnenija, so this is where most efforts
should go. Expl will come once you are confident.

By offering help yourself you'll make sure you give to all,
not just to those who are demanding all the time.

Suzanne vega - "Blood makes noise".

There is ocean of diff between sosnatel'noe bezdejstvie
- meditacija, contemplation, daydreaming and malicious one,
caused by procrastinacija.

Thursday 07/04/96
Konflikt between "stay on target" and "konechnaja cel'-nichto,
dvizhenie-vse".

Monday 07/08/96
Instead of submitting or denying False Self, ask it
"Why do you want to do that ?".
Ask it: "What do you expect to see ? What would please you ?".

Neg state - collect others neg emotions, maybe
"esli mne ploho i drugim tozhe, to mne plegchaet".
Na samom dele stanovitsa huzhe - negativnyj zar'ad usilivaets'a.

Dyhanie - IP - vmesto "ruki mezhdu kolenej", pot'anis' i shiroko
rasstav' lapy.

"If you have built your castles in the air, you don't have to change them -
this is where they should be. Now build the foundation under them".

Ocenka - take me and KEDIT. I love it, I can't imagine
hacking without it. But I only call Mansfield when I find a bug.
And my intentions ARE good, but how will they know it ?
I bring problem for them.

SUBMITs are no more important than myself finding new things.
My looking is even better because I do selection.

Talking to False Self:
- What would make you happy ? How many hits does my site
need to get to satisfy you ?
- A lot! There are sites with more hits!
- Are they better ?
- No... most of them are no good whatsoever... but some are!
- What are they ?
- Searches and adult ones.
- There you are. I am not crazy about building my own search engine (though
idea isn't bad). As far as adult site, I could easily start one and get
thousands of hits myself, but then what ?
- Then... nothing. I'd feel bad about suppressing expression in favor
of numbers.
- Well ?
- But what about writers ? They have bigger audiences!
- What about them ? First, do you know a modern writer, who
is funnier than me ?
- Zadornov!
- Perhaps... but he is not on the Net. Zhvaneckij is, but
I don't find him funny. So, if you take both, I am totally
in the lead. Even if you compare.
- Eee. No na bumage ty ne pechataesh's'a.
- A chto mne ]to dast, esli budu pechatatsa ?
- Bol'she poklonnikov - bol'she obschenija - bol'she pohval.
- A chto vazhnee ?
- Pohvaly. Oni motivirujut.

Tuesday 07/09/96
Dve storony ordena: kak ja ne mogu trebovat' blagodarnosti ot
teh, komu chto-to daju, tam i mne nikto ne mozhet prikazat'
protaschits'a ot togo, chto mne prinesli.

Strah shutit' projavl'aetsja v teh oblast'ah, gde ploho znaesh' otnoshenie
sobesednikov k predmetu. Poetomu v mestnoj kompanii i ne vyhodit osobo.
Primer - shutka o Iisuse, kotoruju my tolknuli v Centre - zabavno, no ja ne
uveren, mozhno li ee spokojno ostranichit'.

I feel good when I realize I can now myself do something that I used to
depend on others. Naprimer, lejbly - mnogo let u men'a ne bylo luchshe
lejblov chem ot Sandry, nakonec ja sdelal ih sam: Regina/Word
(KASSETA.REX).

Do not hesitate to use Bitva for something that you don't
know how to solve yet - sols come easily once I focus.

Konflikt - uhod za svoimi veschami i sobstvennichestvo (tipa d'adi Sashi).

Garantija poteri kontrol'a - otnosits'a ko vsemu
tak, kak budto eto vopros zhizni i smerti.

Bojazn' "men'a spros'at, a chto ja delaju" ischezaet, kogda
ja sam tverdo uveren, chto delaju to chto nado.
Ili to chto ne nado. Fakt tot, chto ne prokrastiniruju.

Friday 07/12/96

Zakovyka v metode Jurika - predlozhenie pomoschi, kogda i sam
ne mozhesh' pomoch'.
Tut prilozhila lapu ]ntropija - kogda mne redisochno,
nado men'at' state a ne lezt' reshat' problemu drugih.

Nizkaja samoocenka - zapadla ne tol'ko dl'a men'a, no i dl'a vseh.
Ja stanovl'us' diko oboronitel'nym i kusajus'.

Obs- when in unr state, I jump to other task before
even getting to the middle of 1st. This is diff from res
state when I am really open to possibilities.

Neverie v svoju sposobnost' reshenija throws you right back
into unr.

boo-Personality Plus

Monday 07/15/96

SE is directly linked to giving (am I guoting Dyer?) -
if I don't like myself, what value is my giving ?

Obs: SE drops when something unexplained happens in
my area of expertise.

Unr state - pridumal zan'atie, naprimer vybrat' anekdoty -
vstupaet vina - "Chitat' na rabote ?" i low SE -
"nu i chto, kto budet chitat' to chto ty soberesh' ?".

Detskoe privetstvie s Jeckyl Island - try it with dyhanie.

Use elevator again. You forgotten - it is part of my SL exercises.

Staryj bilif - chtoby ne tol'ko u men'a, no i u l'udej vokrug men'a
ne bylo problem - togda mne budet horosho. Utopizm v stile Prudona.

Not living in today - when there are problems, wish they were solved.
Once they are, feel bored that there is no challenges.

When something is going slow, define it as "Ja uskorils'a".
Computer, traffic, line in the store.

UNR state - tell others what to do not to solve their problems,
but to elim source of personal dissatisfaction.

Esli sharish' prezhde chem zacenit' samomu, mozhesh' podelit's'a
musorom - komu ot etogo klevo ?
If you rush thru process yourself, what's the reason to do it at all ?
Even knowledge will bypass me that way.

Prochital stat'ju o chuvake, kotoryj nastol'ko ovladel
kontrolem vo snah, chto upravl'al imi, kak vidikom.
I emu stalo skuchno.
On otkazals'a ot l'usidnosti i zat'anul volynku chto dl'a
udovols'tvija nuzhno stradanie.
Nash otvet Chemberlenu.
1) Lichno ja vystradal uzhe dostatochno na neskol'ko zhiznej vpered.
Hvatit.
2) L'usidit' budu i dal'she, kak vo sne, tak i najavu.
Kstati, to chto on govoril - ]to kontrol' nad drugimi -
Temnaja Storona! Ona emu i naskuchila. Ku.

Res state -
a) Oblaka momental'o skladyvajuts'a v kartinki

O kommitmente - ja bojus' zakl'uchat' ego, a
zakl'uchiv, begu ot nego. Primery - gruppa l'usidnyh snov,
usatoe n'an'stvo.

1) Imagine a relationship with God that inspired you to love mankind in new
and beautful ways, what would that relationship be like?
Rycar' sveta will do.
Ja - soldat Dobra.

2) What's one creative way you can show love to someone of a differant race?
Igrat' s ego det'mi. Ku.
(chto tam bylo s zhenami u chukch ?)

Danger of task-jumping - you may be on good task
and distracting will take you hopelessly away from it.

Tuesday 07/16/96
Konflikt - zhelanie pomoch' i task jumping.

Entropy also uses my yearn for independence - whenever
good idea happens to coincide with what someone else told
me, she whispers "Don't submit to others! Go your own way!".
Of course, by my own way she means HER way.

Kogda vnutrenne spokoen, net potrebnosti toropit' drugih.
A kogda vzvinchen, hochets'a vseh vognat' v dikij ritm.
Poluchaets'a, chto ja streml'us' k sinhronizacii ?

OBS - Frastracija (Bonifacija) - pojavl'aets'a, kogda
chto-to chin'u, a ono vmesto ]togo esche bol'she
razvalivaets'a.

Mne legche, kogda ja znaju, chto reshenije ili
nereshenije etoj problemy ne zadenet moej cennosti.


Wednesday 07/17/96
Real thinking about others comes when you are secure in yourself.

}to mozhet byt' nelegko, no pomni - ja nikogda ne sozhaleju
o tom, chto postupil, kak nado. Bikos its samfing aj ken
fajt for.
Op'at' polozhitel'nyj krug - v rezul'tate ja nravl'us' sebe.

Konflikt - pravda i krugovaja poruka.
Vot on, mirovoj konflikt!
A otvet takoj - Pravda, za kotoruju nado stojat' -
]to vnutrenn'aja pravda, moe nastojaschee ja.
Esli ono mne govorit "vri sil'nym, zaschiti nevinnyh",
ja budu vrat'. Vot tak!
Analogija ? Tom Sojer i razlitye chernila.
"}ta lozh' dostojna shagat' r'adom s pravdoj Vashingtona o jablone".

Peregruzka - kogda prisylali kritiku, ja vorchal.
Sejchas perestali - i ja nahozhu veschi, kotorye iskopon
ne pashut, a nikto ne skazal. Vyvod - radujs'a kritike -
esli po delu, to ]to otlichnaja pomosch'. Tak zhe,
kak i testery.

Thursday 07/18/96
Obs - razdrazhaet, kogda drugoj uslozhn'aet i bez togo
slozhnuju situaciju.

When in unres state, avto priznanie v l'ubvi ne vyzyvaet doverija.
Interesting.

Watch out for projavlenije True Self. They are omnipresent in any state
and they may show way out.

Dig this - NEVAZHNO, reshena problema ili net.
VAZHNO, nahozhus' li ja v res state. A eto zavisit celikom ot men'a.

Friday 07/19/96
State of positive expectation
1) Vperedi - krutizna
2) Otkryvajutsja novye vozmozhnosti
3) Pohakiruem
4) Pokorim ves' mir

Monday 07/22/96
Chitaju "Closet Rebel's Guide to Personal Freedom" - all
keywords are there - true self, personal freedom, oneness... i avtopilot tozhe!
And inner child.

"Nothing external can throw you off track; only self doubt can do you harm."

"MY LIFE IS MY WORK.
Everything else, and everybody else, comes along afterward.'

"No good thought is ever wasted, no action goes unrecorded..."

Chuvstvo radosti (energii) - kak ot klassnoj muzyki ili trogatel'nogo
rasskaza.

"By holding onto negative and fearful belief systems, we leave no room for
joy, like filling up all your computer memory with swear words or stuffing
all your kitchen cupboards with mouldy bread..."

"All roads lead to Heaven, anyway, so pick the
one that feels right. Trust yourself."

"Some are plumbers and some are rocket scientists and some are dog
catchers, but everyone is equally important, because the one who is
the bum this time was probably the head honcho the last time.'

Ideja o tom, chto reinkarnacija - eto vybor:
"You see, everyone signs onto this crew, so whether or not we are aware
of it, if we are living here in this time, WE HAVE CHOSEN IT. We may
not remember volunteering, but we must have or we would not be here."

"The laughing and crying part is to exercise our
magnificent human emotions, in all their many colours, for to feel is
the most glorious part of being human, and the more we feel the
stronger we get."

"Guides are OUR support crew -the part of the team that you don't see,
whose job it is to help us play our part in the Earth movie."

"I don't know how it happens, but just trust that your wonderful self has
this ability too. Remember the 95 % of our brain that we don't use?
Well, hey....."

"Wherever your body hurts or is tense or is injured will be where
emotions have been stockpiled -gently search them out and release
them, for in the process of learning to free yourself, that wonderful
body is your best friend." - Vozduh ?

Ja beru na seb'a otvetstvennost' za vseh drugih, navernoe potomu chto
dumaju "Vot im budet horosho, togda i mne polegchaet". Beznadega.
Vo-pervyh vsem horosho ne budet, a vo-vtoryh kogda komu-to i stanovitsa
horosho, mne legchaet nenadolgo.

Tuesday 07/23/96
Zamechaju v sebe anxiety, kogda nechem popolnit' stranicu.
Segodnja prosnulsja ot klassnogo l'usidnogo sna
i pojmal sebja na tom, chto sozhaleju o ego nepechatnosti (he-he).

Pravil'nyj podhod k obnovleniju - kogda u men'a est'
chem podelit's'a, no ne skem - kladi na stranicu.

Logi, iz-za kotoryh super mozhet pripech' pacashku -
tipichnyj primer sluchaj, kogda l'udi ne gotovy dl'a tehnologii.
Vechnaja dilemma uchenyh.
Pozhaluj, stoit zamorozit' k chertovoj babushke etot durackij
proekt so vremenem.

Obs: I am annoyed when things act up unexpectedly. Result:
no air, razdrazhanie, nezhelanie ni s kem obschat's'a.
Tak zhe bojazn', chto mne zagl'anut za plecho i chuvstvo,
chto pered vsemi nado objasn'ats'a.
Also impatience.
Takzhe nedovol'stvo soboj i strah. Full package.

Wednesday 07/24/96
New def dlja juzerov, kotorye lyka ne vjazhut:
1) Jumor.
2) Praktika v ob'jasnenii.

Metody entropii - when I act as TrueSelf, entropija podkidyvaet
expectation opredelennoj reakcii i zagnivanie, kogda reakcija
ne sleduet.

Interesno, mozhno li ob'jasnit' smeh za kadrom v shou,
kak popytku zaruchit's'a vneshnim odobreniem ?

Moe otnoshenie k plagiatu - ne daju horoshej shutke
pokryt'sja peskom vekov.

Otnoshenie k stranice i gazete - "Ruki Vverh!" - prosto novyj razdel,
edinstvenno chto formatirovannyj dlja pechati.

Interesno, ja otn k popolneniju str, pochti kak k commitment.
Po suti, edinstvennoe voistinu regul'arnoe.
Ja ]togo hochu i ona ot menja nichego ne trebuet.

Poz jakor' - prazdnovanie - kulak vpered i shepotom: "Yeah!".

Obs - kogda delaju "ruki", kak-to bol'she davlenija,
mozhet potomu chto ja-taki uvizhu reakciju.

Thursday 07/25/96
Hakerskoe sostojanie
I am exploring, new capabilities ahead.

I can improve things.

*

Inogda sharing peregibaet palku - kogda ja esche ne uspel dopisat',
a uzhe dumaju, kak by zasharit'. Chto eto, op'at' gremlin vmeshivaets'a ?

If True Self projavl'aets'a in actions, but not in thoughts,
I may do right things, but never be able to enjoy their results
or even follow thru on them.

Ja: Nedostatki - eto to, chto tebe v sebe ne nravit's'a.

Monday 07/29/96
Volnovat's'a, na chem derzhat's'a dejateli, predostavl'ajuschie
besplatnye servisy tak zhe bessmyslenno, kak komu-to
perezhivat', chto ja pomru s goloda, izdavaja svoju stranicu.

Kstati, raz uzh bitva s entropiej prevratilas' v ohotu,
mozhno metodfy pereimenovat' v ulovki. Ona boit's'a, zaputyvaet
sledy i hitrit, bojas', chto ja ee... togo... skushaju.

"Prepare to treat all your emotions kindly...
because they are another colour in our personal palette- would we want
a world without gray or brown in it? Your inner world has all colours,
too; it's built that way, so don't judge yourself, ever, ok?."

"I can see I am judging myself, and now am judging myself for judging
myself, I will love me, for being confused, love me for trying my best
to grow. Good Self, you are doing your best."

Znanie opredel'aet uroven' terpenija.

K slovu o lozhnoj morali - inogda ja myslenno pytajus'
nava'zat' drugim fal'shivuju vezhlivost'.

Esche odno objasnenie pjanstva - baldezh vestib'ularnogo
apparata. Tak kak kacheli i karuseli "ne pristalo", ostaets'a
butylka.


Distinction between true sharing and drawing attention to get
approval.

1) One more example of creating reality: TCSH.
2) Jackie Chan
3) Internet - after I graduated, I needed it badly, so there it is!

Tuesday 07/30/96
Govor'u sebe: "}to ih problema, mne pofig, ja ne dolzhen
ee reshat', mne ne vletit za ee nereshenie'. Kuu!

Udalenie is a lot like KILL feature in newsreader -
articles still exist, but you'll never see them and
they don't exist for you.
And I hear entropy "no gde zhe realizm ?".
Realizm ne oznachaet, chto nado fokusirovat's'a na vsem
bez razbora. Realizm - ]to otborka togo, chto mne
nuzhno dl'a rosta.

Entropija vozrazhaet protiv moego THE/REGINA hakirovanija
v Unixe, deskat', nado pol'zovat's'a rodnymi tools.
Na psul! Ja imi pol'zovals'a 3 goda i chto tolku ?

Wednesday 07/31/96
Calm state - terpelivost' dosele nevidannaja, pechatanje
bez oshibok, legkoe dyhanie.

Take whistling ability - on confident state I whistle loud
and take all notes easily. In unr - gm!

Konflikt, kogda zhelanie TS ne sovpadaet s tem, chto polozheno delat'.

"What is commonly called willpower is nothing but temporary domination
of one desire over another".

"Stop thinking that you must sacrifice yourelf to get (list). You must not
pay 99 cents to get a penny".

"If doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it
is - infinite...".

"If it occurs to one man in a million that he can be poor, alone,
unsuccessful, in poor health, and still be happy, that one man is a true
genius".

Inner calm "is like a revolting beam from a lighthouse that casts light on
surrounding storms, but is perfectly unaffected and stands undaunted".

"When anxious thinking, planning and deciding come to an end, anxiety also
terminates."

Thursday 08/01/96
O!!!
Ja legko brosaju delo, kogda ja im zan'alsja iz-za viny,
a ne iz-za zhelanija ego sdelat'! Kak tol'ko vina otstupaet,
mne pofig i ja brosaju.
Esche odin udar po mifu, chto vina - motivator!
Ona bolee srodni pripekatel'u, kotorogo ja uspokoju i puschu
pyl' v glaza, no delat' to chto on mne skazhet ne budu.
Interesno...

Hacking state -
unstoppable, fingers fly, insight is with me, see no obstacles.

Another good aspect of hacking - when you go back
to fix bugs, you have more tools to play with.

Tot fakt chto ne l'ubaja para v zooparke zahochet imet'
malyh dokazyvaet, chto zhivotnye l'ub'at, a ne prosto
prodolzhajut rod.

Conf state - spokojno smotr'u WWW s kartinkami -
uveren v tom, chto znaju, chto delaju i nefig pritvor'at's'a.

Konflikt - not jumping tasks & flexibility.

Friday 08/02/96

Konflikt - putting time into solving problem and
not getting distracted by it because something else is
to be done.

Reason why technique "what would I do in my best state" works is that
in best state true self is much more likely to be heard.

Cmp how persistive I am in hacking with regular life.
What's the diff ?

If you envy somebody's skill in page creation, link him!

Monday 08/05/96
What's the diff between mystery in hacking mode and
in fixing ?

Recept dl'a porazhenija - srazu posle pobedy ne prazdnuj,
ne hvali seb'a, ne radujs'a, a nyr'aj srazu v sledujuschuju problemu.
Rezul'tat chuvstvo, chto moi usilija ne oceneny, peregruzka i
grohochuschij proval.

Rannie simptomy - mnogo oshibok v pechati, zatrudnennoe dyhanie,
razdrazhitel'nost'.

Ideja - to impr state, use right hand anchor - this
will both slow down and do + charge.
(Type with left hand only)
It also prevents me from swapping letters => speed doesn't suffer much.
Feels kinda like Omnigo typing.
Obs: zhdu, chto sejchas pridets'a objasnat', pochemu ja
tak pechataju.

Obs: U Anny standartnyj vopros "Chto ne tak ?" - otr po umolchaniju.

Vina po povodu zamorozhennogo proekta "HOURS" -
ja delaju exactly to chto zaplaniroval - poslat' featuru
k chertu!

"Moe zadanie zakl'uchaets'a v vyjasnenii moego zadanija" (Shekli)

Tuesday 08/06/96
Obs - net vozduha, kogda kto-to vozle men'a diko neterpeliv.
Obs - nachinaju volnovat's'a, kogda u drugih chto-to ne ladits'a.

Gde-to po puti ja pozaimstvoval chuzhoj belief nachet nizogo
kachestva "liftovoj muzyki". Bred! Ona mne ochen' nravits'a!

FalseSelf ljubit, shoby mne podrazhali, no v konechnom itoge
mne eto sovsem ne nravits'a.

Thursday 08/08/96
Anxiety shows up when things are not going as fast
as I expect them to.

Randalf is right - being right is pretty exhilirating.
Maybe I feel bad when I am not because I miss the
ego rush ?

Friday 08/09/96
When I attempt meditation, a seconds tick, I feel bolee
uncomfortable and anxious that I am wasting time.

Monday 08/12/96
Samoe interesnoe (tol'ko chto zametil) - kogda ja nazyvaju
chuvstvo - "Ja chuvstvuju seb'a vinovatym iz-za...", i sam
ne judge, vnutrennij golos, pohozhe, zanimaets'a tem, chto
proidumyvaet argumenty pochemu mne ne stoit byt' vinovatym.
On perehodit na moju storonu ?!?!?!

Prokrastinacija s pochtoj nachinaets'a kogda ja poluchaju
neinteresnoe pis'mo - otvechat' nechego, hot'a v principe
nado by. Vot ono i lezhit v jaschike mes'acami.
Secjhas to zhe proizoshlo s norvezhskim chuvakom, kotoryj
pishet po povodu l'usidnyh snov.

Primer "oba pravy":
"She's there!"
"I couldn't find her!"
"But she's there!"
"But I couldn't find her!"

Wednesday 08/14/96
Good hacking state:
1) Effortless fast typing, no mistakes
(this one disappears at 1st sign of anxiety).

Vot te na, "chulannyj povstanec" tozhe predlagaet raspoznavat' emocii.

"There will be some releasing to do around past resentments, but just forgive
and go on; when the show is over we all go for a beer, like the World
Wrestling Federation guys do!"

Posle togo kak TS iskrenne chto-to predlagaet drugomu, FS
vedet v 2h napravlenijah:
1) Privodit prichiny, pochemu-taki ne stoit davat'.
2) Prigotavlivaets'a obidet's'a, esli dar ne budet prin'at.
Realizm ?

Zamechanie o stranice - kogda ja ee vremenno brosaju,
ja takzhe ne chitaju pochtu. Kogda vozvraschajus', polno
i novyh materialov i hitov => spokojno mozhno prodolzhat'!
Ne voruj, a hapaj.

"...use everything, say "I release all fear" when you're sneezing, and then
let people bless you. Works great."

"Gajd: Think about what makes you feel happy and do that thing."

"everything that looks like a diversion
from the Path, is just practice in flowing through obstacles."

Sovetujut dyshat' zhivotom, ne podnimaja plechi.
Plechi - eto znakomo. Vsegda podn'aty, kogda net vozduha.

Esche odin konflikt FS: bespokojstvo chto drugoj takoj
horoshej knigi ne budet (chto knig malo, vot-vot konchats'a)
i chto knig slishkom mnogo, vse ne prochtesh'.

"It is very important you not jeapordize your own connection or your physical
well-being for the sake of a precipitous entry into the healing business."

"If you really want to do something, just because you want it, not
because you should do it, or it's logical, but only because it turns
you on, excites you, and totally engrosses you, then you know you are
doing one aspect of your life's work."
O!!!
Ni figa sebe!!

"If it's scary, it's important to do, that's what I'm learning, so I
tell myself, I'm just going to go along into this experience, and see
what's here for me to learn, no expectation of performance, no thought
of judging myself, just go along and be there. "It's ok to be afraid",
I say to the little one inside, "It's ok to be afraid, but I will take
care of you, and we will come through this feeling good, you'll see."
And we do."

"Many of us carry undeserved guilt for being sensitive to other"
people's pain, but not being able to help them. I drained all my
energy trying to rescue other people, but it never worked...
Boy, that sounds familiar!

"What does work is to BE A GOOD EXAMPLE of a person living a happy
life; this is the only thing worth offering each other, when all is
said and done.

And when we feel tempted to try "saving" someone, we can remind
ourselves:

1. SEEING SOMETHING DOES NOT MAKE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR IT.

2. RESPECTING SOMEONE MEANS LETTING THEM HURT IF THEY WANT TO

***FREE WILL IS PARAMOUNT!!***"

"...you need do nothing but hold your course, just go to work and do
your best with the rest of your life and all will fall into place,
you have long ago planted the seeds for this harvest which is about
to take place, you need do nothing, just hold to your path, gently,
easily, gracefully, and everything will be laid out before you."

"By free will alone does the Universe
move through its sequence. On every level we must live this credo,
though it causes frustration to not just humans but those of us on
other levels, and perhaps even the Mighty One himself, who may grow
impatient and mutter, "Why can't they just Do It?""

"Gajd: All is well and moving smoothly, you are loved, so loved in your
world and ours, we find it amazing you can ever think otherwise."
A ved' kak trudno poverit'!

"So clearing involved letting go of that old
scene and the emotions that are not relevant to the present day; it's all about making us CURRENT, like bringing your bank book up
to date. What matters is today's balance, and it doesn't really
matter about all the ins and outs that have gone on, we can just
let go of them."
Horoshee sravnenie!

Thursday 08/15/96
Kak otkazyvat's'a, ne obizhaja
Ja: Hochesh' poprobovat' dryn ?
Dzho: Konechno, esche by! Ne segodn'a, no ob'azatel'no!
(Zamet' sv'az' s metodom ]ntropii - "Sdelaem potom, ob'azatel'no
sdelaem!).

Friday 08/16/96
Ckuvak iz MS, posle peregruzki serverov:
"We feel badly about the problems customers have experienced
downloading Microsoft IE".
Podtevrzhdaet moju versiju o tom chto my schitaem, chto
okazyvaem uslugu, chuvstvuja seb'a ploho.

Monday 08/19/96
Konflikt:
esli postavit' task 'find something', I'll fail if I don't.
If I say 'look for something', I might stop early.

Nabl'udenie za chuvstvami without saying "you shouldn't
feel that way" is like listening to a friend without judging.
Raspolagaet k razgovoru.

Est' smysl govorit' pravdu, kogda nabuzil - teb'a
ne mogut tak sil'no pripech', kak pripechet chuvstvo viny.
Vo vsa'kom sluchae, kogda ono usil'aets'a, eto moget byt' signal.

Konflikt - brat' vinu na seb'a, kak sovetuet Karnegi i
ne pozvol'at' slabym l'ud'am zabirat' u men'a ]nergiju.
Vprochem, v sluchae s Tinoj i Keti ja nichego ne ter'aju -
men'a tronut' ne posmejut.

Nabl'udaju - odna chast' men'a rvets'a v boj, dokazat'
Keti, chto ja prav.
Drugoj pofig i ona skoree hochet pojti i pochitat' novosti.
Len' s nami. CNET it is.

I feel that - the more I fight, the more significance I give to
this fact - the worse I feel.
GLUBOKO KOPAET!

Kogda pishesh' o chuvstvah, eto uzhe ne observation, a more
like endorserment, with battle plan to follow. Brr!

Wednesday 08/21/96
Confs that I create reality:
1) Fall of client-server in favor of Intranet.
2) Demise of online services with the rise of Internet.
3) Gl'uk of commercial software, as shareware takes over -
practically every vendor offers free trials.
4) Creation of streaming audio (remember my idea of playing MOD
by processing as it downloads ?).
5) Prihod Dzheki Chana v Shtaty.

Soobschenija NMA na holde - unimajut anxiety v teh, kto zvonit.

Esche odna prichina, pochemu pravil'naja schedrost' snachala
pomogaet sebe - kogda udruzhil sebe, ne obidno esli drugoj
ne zametil.

BOO: "Finite and Infinite Games - A Vision of Life as Play and Possibility"
by James P. Carse

Synergy - sostojanie garmonii, bez konfliktov => s usilennoj
creativity.

AP: "... guilt is something I rarely have the pleasure to experience.
Either I do not worry about what I do, or I do not do what results in worry."

Monday 08/26/96
Obs: nachalo prokrastinacii - hochets'a sprosit' soveta, no pripekaju
seb'a, chto nuzhno sdelat' samomu, a samomu-to kak raz i ne hochets'a
nichego delat'. Deadblock.
Naprimer, ja podumal, chto mozhno vz'at' pejdzhesy i posmotret', kuda
pozvonit', no tut zhe vozrazil, chto zazh*pat.
Sprosil Dzho. Mertvyj zamok otkryt. Gy.
Dzho soglasils'a pomoch' - pr'amo kak Karrde - "dolgi moej organizacii -
eto moi dolgi". Ku!

Dzhust, kotoryj nastaivaet na tom, chto on sorry nachinaet razdrazhat',
potomu chto ego postojanno nuzhno uver'at' v obratnom - komu ohota ?

Kogda entropija pritvor'aets'a jumorom, it muddles your intent.
V rezul'tate - obida.

Tuesday 08/27/96
Popul'arizacija mopedov lichnym primerom - pravil'nyj podhod
k sharingu.
Good side effect - somebody may buy it by referral i
dast mne pokatat's'a.

Talking to Closet Rebel Lois:
> But also, who are these people who do call themselves Masters ? Are they
> frauds ?
> Or is it possible to reach spriritual peak and totally forget what was the
> reason for climbing ?
hey, you're good. i heard there is an astral layer where people can do
parlour tricks and pull in a lot of power to use, without heart...

Closet Rebel Lois is in
> > victoria, BC,Canada

Situacija: "Zvon'at v panike, pros'at pomoch'. V seredine ubegajut.
Men'a ]to drumvure, a Jurik skazal: "Ja k ]tomu otnoshus' poh*isticheski. U
nih est' bolee vazhnye dela, i u men'a tozhe.".
Ja: "Chto, spustit' na tormozah, poka sami ne vspomn'at ?".
Jurik: "Vo".

Friday 08/30/96
Konflikt - hasty sol to relieve pressure of indecision VS put away
and never get back to it.

Thursday 09/05/96
Luchshij sposob slushanija, kogda perebivajut:
Momental'no zamolchat' i sdelat' zainteresovannyj vid.
Dzho tak delaet i mne, kak sobesedniku, eto ochen' fartit.

Chuvak poet: "One day I shall be released by my Creator".
Assuming that we can't find freedom ourselves, until we are given
permissiuon from above. And there is plenty of evidence that we can't.
And some examples that we can.

Odin umnyj chuvak skazal (ne mne):
"You use the word, "we," a lot. I've got news for you. We are going to do
nothing. You're going to do your thing, and I'm gonna do mine."

Monday 09/09/96
Unr state - sut' mozhet byt' ne v otricanii, a v protivorechii
tomu, chto govor'at drugie.
Tipa "You don't!". "I do!".

Tuesday 09/10/96
Two only feelings - Love and Fear.
These are light and dark sides.

Wednesday 09/11/96
Ja i biznes. Vot kombinacija.
Dzhusty iz Dimension Edge (luchsj motor) skazali, chto
esli ja refernu, to poluchu s etogo procent.
I srazu vse zaverte...
Snachala - kajf - ogo, nicego delat' ne nado, a den'gi
budut idti!
Zatem energija - obnovit' afishku na bike machine!
Zatem somnenie - a ne poter'aju li ja udovols'tvija ot ezdy ?
ne budu li terzat's'a, gde bol'she exposure ?
ne poter'aju li druzheskogo otnoshenija k tem, kto
l'ubopytstvuet ? After all, ot stepeni ih interesa
i ot ih vybora zavisit, poluchu li ja eti tridcat' rallodov.
A sled vopros - 'stojat li den'gi volnenija ?'.
Posmotrim na eto tak - produkt - the best to my knowledge => honesty.
It is something I'd (and possibly will) kupl'u sebe.
Pokupatel' ne karaet, kak raspredel'at's'a ego den'gi, esli on kupit.
Firme horosho, chto bol'she pokupatelej.
Otrkrovenno govor'a, eto to, chto AR nazyval "sozdanie cennosti".
V chem zhe zakovyka ?
Vozm, v cel'ah.
Opredelim cel'.
Cel' ne izmenilas' - taschit's'a i otdyhat' on my magnificient
Bike Machine.
Ezdit' i lazit', gde, kak i kogda hochu.
Dl'a teh, kto ser'ezno zainteresovan, sredi prochego podkidyvat'
referral. No ne krivit' dushoj - ja ved' znaju, chto
TSI bike legche, TSI motor deshevle i EV Warrior has more gadgets.

Thursday 09/12/96
I chuvstvuju, chto govor'a ob obschechelovechskih
problemah, govorit' v 1m lice - eto pravil'nyj podhod.
It fils rajt and when I talk about self, I can actually
change something rather than just bragging about how bad world is.

Tuesday 09/17/96
Jurik tolknul ideju: "Sochin'at' v l'usidnom sne".
Rashirennoe voobrazhenie + bol'she shansov zapomnit', chem
v obychnom.

"My head is bloody, but unbowed".
"I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul".

"He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes, but he who never asks
a question remains a fool forever."

"A journey of a thousand miles begin with a single step."

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the
source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a
stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as
good as dead: his eyes are closed."

"There are no guarantees. From the viewpoint of fear, none are strong
enough. From the viewpoint of love, none are necessary."

"Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare."

"We more frequently fail to face the right problem than fail to solve the
problem we face."

"When one door closes, another opens.But we often look so regretfully upon
the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us. "

"Your current safe boundries were once unknown frontiers."

"The best way to predict your future is to create it!"

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life
in your years."

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

"One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the
work of one extraordinary man."

Wednesday 09/18/96
"... take an event that stands out on your path in life, step back, and try
to describe it using a metaphor from nature."

Chto by ja delal, esli b razbogatel ?
1) Vz'al by psihologicheskie kursy v kolledzhah.
(izmenenie napravlenija ne tak strashno, esli finansovaja
sud'ba ot nego ne zavisit).
2) Oplatil by nash dom do konca (ku, impul's!)
3) Sgon'al by na seminary AR i drugih dzhustov.
4) Sdelal by TPN i kupil by kuchu knig i kasset po psihologii.
5) Sdelal by ISDN ili esche kakoj bystryj dostup.
6) Otkryl by dilerstvo mopedov, bike machines, elektrodrynov,
gopedov i skuterov.

Tuesday 09/24/96
Ideja - priznavat' chuvstvo tipa "Hochu posmotret', skol'ko
chitatelej zalezlo vchera", no ne delat' etogo.

Vsegda est' chto delat', potomu chto esli dolgo nichego
ne hochets'a delat', to za eto vrem'a nakopits'a zan'atij, v tom chisle
interesnyh i poleznyh. Ku.
Kogda vozvraschaesh's'a k etym delam (a ih mozhet byt'
kucha za mes'ac), vrem'a letit i nachinaet snova rabotat' free assoc => drugie zan'atija.

Wednesday 09/25/96
Vozmozhno, horoshij sposob pisat' vospominanija - prosto s cel'ju
vspomnit', kak bylo. Zatem, kogda ja nachinaju pisat', jumor prihodit sam
soboj.

Did aj miss samfing ?
Segodn'a prosnuls'a rano, vyshel na ulicu - krasota ubijstvennaja.
I mne ]to napomnilo utro v Asari.
c:\page\shkola.htm#dacha

Vo sne ezdil na kakom-to mokike - hod horoshij, no
nogam neudobno, bo diko melkij. I po-moemu eto byl Revi -
ja zaplatil za nego vse 3000 (prichem kupil v muzee), a potom
nachal podumyvat', ne vernut' li i natknuls'a na disclaimer -
vozvrachaem tol'ko 3 2/8 deneg (togda mne eto pokazalos' chem-to
vrode 80%).

Politicheskaja policija - mnogo l'udej pomogajut odnomu
pr'atat' ego nizkuju samoocenku.

A pomnish', kak ty hotel sdelat' Omnigo stranicu ?
Moja nastojaschaja stranica perezhila momental'noe uvlechenie...
hot'a mopednuju podstranicuy ja-taki sdelal. Vprochem, moe fanatenie
mopedami sejchas v samom razgare.

Thursday 09/26/96
Kogda chto-to neprijatnoe (tipa zubnogo) zaplanirovano
na opredelennuju datu, mozhno taschit's'a ot togo, chto
]ta data esche neskoro. A potom, poka vpechatlenija esche svezhi - chto ona
proshla.
Pozitivnoe ispol'zovanie proshlogo i buduschego s cel'ju
ukrutit' nastojaschee.
}to pohozhe na to, kak kogda-to ja regul'arno ispytuval radost' ot togo,
chto sessija esche daleko.

Blin, moja rabota nad stranicej 'bike machine' prinosit plody!
(chuvstvuju strah, chto nastojaschaja bike machine vot-vot slomaets'a).

They way of the Dark Side - pinpoint somebody who's creating your problems,
call him evil, master enough anger and strike! Ultimately, destroy.
Then, wonder, why I feel so bad and why the problem is still here.

Friday 09/27/96
Kogda chuvstvuju, chto rabota poter'ala smysl i cel',
ja ne hochu takoj mysli dopuskat' i v rezul'tate
sozdaju napr'ag, lozhnuju vazhnost', nervnost', speshku
i zagruzhennost'.
Vse eto pobochnye effekty ne tak neprijatny kak mysl' o tom,
chto ja prosazhivaju zolotye gody ne na svoem mestee.
Dazhe pisat' ob ]tom protivno. No po krajnerj mere
I vyskazal ]to vsluh. Brr!

Cari uhoda't, rushat's'a gory, pogibajut i
vozrozhdajuts'a civilizacii, no L'ubov' vechna. Na nej derzhits'a mir, i
bez l'ubvi, ne stoilo by mir i sotvor'at'.

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity".

Tuesday 10/01/96
Ja tol'ko chto povesil juzeram lapshu na ushi i
spokojno prodolzhal zanimat's'a svoim delom.
Jurik mne na eto ukazal.
Dejstvitel'no, shag v pravil'nom napravlenii.

Web dl'a men'a horosh tem, chto vspyshki aktivnosti
ne propadajut, a ostajuts'a na stranicah. Samyj
podhod'aschij sposob.

Thursday 10/03/96
Maksim i fedor - istorija o tom kak Fedor vystaival ochered'
za pivom, a potom ne bral. Kak moja ideja "voobrazhenie sil'nee
real'nosti => ne ob'azatel'no pokupat' vesch', mozhno pofantazirovat'
o ee neizbezhnoj vozmozhnosti".

Friday 10/04/96
Sostojanie confidence- legkaja ulyubka i slegka prischurennye
glaza. Mezhdu prochim, tochno takaja fizionimija, kak kogda
schurus' ot solnca. Tol'ko smotr'u ne vverh, a v verhn'uju chast'
displeja.

Esche odno podtverzhdenie, chto ja sozdaju real'nost':
bym v elektricheskih drynah. S teh por, kak ja zajavil, chto
hochu skuter.

Rassuzhdenija vokrug Pucha.
Poka ego mozhno bylo kupit', bojals'a chto kupl'u, a on
okazhets'a polomannym.
Teper' ego net, i on kazhets'a ideal'nym.

Monday 10/07/96
Mysli v horoshem sostojanii:
I'm in ctrl
I am making things better
I am getting closer to my goals
I can make positive changes right now


Tuesday 10/08/96
Associacii - muzon - C:\PUB\MIDI\663-EINF.MID - dikij task.
I vdohnovl'jaschij too.
Mysli v horoshem sostojanii
1. Ot udachi nam ne uskol'znut'
2. Uspeh neizbezhen
3. Oshibki legko mozhno ispravit'
4. Vrem'a terpit
5. Somebody stop me!
6. Task!
7. Legko udivl'ats'a. Naprimer Internet - do chego zhe eto zdorovo
sdelano!
8. Veselo po doroge, nezachem toropit's'a (v principe I rediscovered
Sat on subdivison garage sale).

Talant delat' vid, chto delaesh' chto-to dl'a drugih,
a ne dl'a seb'a, mozhno ispol'zovat' dl'a otbojarivanija.

Rassmotrim konflikt.
S odnoj storony - vina, chto chego-to ne delaju (=> strah
posledstvij).
S drugoj storony strah dejstvija (=> vozn'a, proval)

O, pomnish' moe pereopredelenie:
Libo chto-to sdelat', dobit's'a, protaschit's'a v processe
Libo nichego ne dealt', otdohnut', rasslabit's'a, prijatno provesti vrem'a.

Kogda s obeih storon strah, vesam ne daet sklon'at's'a eshce
odin Strah - strah togo, chto primesh' nepravil'noe reshenie.
Esli zhe oba reshenija pravil'nye, to ...

Popal v tu situaciju:
razzadorils'a na aukcione, kupil razdolbannyj printer,
teper' ne znaju, hochu li ja ego.
Poka stavil, glavnym kazals'a protivnik.
Teper' protivnik ischez i ja ostals'a odin na odin
so svoim priobreteniem, which actually was the only
important thing to start with.
I get into this to fite other and once I've won
I realize that I don't want the plody pobedy and I desperately wait
for somebody to come and rescue me.

Primer, kogda iskazhenie vremeni would give me a good idea
whether I want this thing or not.
*
It is easy to do long thing when I know that things get
better with every step. Primer - ogromnyj list loterej -
s kazhdoj zapolnennoj vozrastajut moi shansy vyigrysha.

Jurik brav - kogda delaesh' chto-to interesnoe, imeet smysl
prervat's'a, poka esche est' energija. Esli zhe dosidet' do
opupenija, v sledujuschij raz etim uzhe neohota budet zanimat's'a.

Wednesday 10/09/96
Konflikt - s odnoj storony poleznee samomu reshit' i uzhe predlagat'
drugomu edinym frontom. S drugoj storony reshat' diko trudno i hochets'a
svalit' na drugogo neobhodimost' vybora.
Vot pridu k Dzho s variantami vybora, a on sprosit moju rekomendaciju,
a ja potomu-to i idu k nemu, chto ne znaju, chto vybrat'.


Nabl'udenie: nachalo holostogo hoda -
chto delat' dal'she ?
vot est' zadanija.
no ih delat' neohota!
*Styd (strah?), chto ne delaju zadanija blokiruet mysli, drugoe v golovu ne
lezet, zatrudn'aets'a dyhanie. Delaju to o chem ne nado dumat' - tipa pochty*.

Often I fix several bugs before finding out I am fixing
one copy and running another.
So, all I am doing is looking at the source more carefully few times.
And it DOES help.

State - kogda reshaju zadachu v dikoj speshke,
po okonchanii nastupaet nedolgoe molchanie. Ne znaju, chto
napisat' o reshenii, ne reshajus' pohvastat's'a.
Potom okunajus' v druguju problemu ili brosaju vse k chertu
Peace of mind otsutstvujut i vo-vrem'a reshenija, i posle.

Miting - stil' izlozhenija - esli govorit' medlenno i vdumchivo, juzery
vt'agivajuts'a v rassledovanie, a ne sid'at s lapshoj na ushah.

Thursday 10/10/96
Vozmozhno, obostrennoe vnimanie k mneniju drugih v momenty apatii - eto
popytka najti novuju cel' dl'a dvizhenija.
Zametil, chto kogda u men'a est' jasnaja cel', ne prihodit v boshku dazhe
mysli prover'at', kak na ]to smotr'at drugie.

Best ideas come up when I stop thinking about it on foreground,
but background is still active.

Dostal novuju programku s www.nlpinfo.com - MindSync.
Slushaju theta volny na 5Khz - uluchilos' nastroenie,
poshla igrivost' i seksual'nye fantazii. Sejchas poprobuem drugie
theta chastoty.

Friday 10/11/96
Mysli v horoshem sostojanii:
1) Kipa raspechatok s oshibkami
ne razdrazhaet a dazhe kak-to raduet - tipa razbora pochty.
Da, nemnogo razobral i brosil.
Navernoe ja l'ubl'u rabotu, kak Dzherom, perekladyvaju s mesta
na mesto i stiraju s nee pyl'.

2) Esche, poka nerazreshennye problemy pugajut, no ne ochen'.

3) Spokojnaja, nenev'azchivaja t'aga k por'adku. Ne "vse ubrat'!",
a ponemnogu.

4) T'aga k mul'tizadachnosti ponizhena.

5) Pofig, esli zasekut, pridumaju kak otrugat's'a.

6) Peace of mind, spokojstvie sredi buri.

Kogda slushaesh' shum iz MindSync, golosa donos'ats'a kak
kakoj-to dohtur.

Kstati, pri l'uboj chastote MS budet uspokaivat', potomu chto
on vyravnivaet kolebanija. No eto moe lichnoe mnenie.
*
Est' horoshaja prichina zaslushat' kassety s sentimental'nymi progulkami -
tam est' kucha shutok, kotorye ja zabyl zawebit'.
*
-/LINK1 - sv'az' mezhdu IP i resheniem problem
-/LINK2 - entropija i reshenie zadach (za dachej).
-/LINK3 - novoe opredelenie otladki
-/LINK4 - Sila i dyhanie
-/LINK5 - Zadaniaj i nastroenie
-/LINK6 - K slovu o Vselenskom Pritvorstve.
-/LINK7 - Interrupt Pattern
-/LINK8 - Ob otsustvii kontrol'a nad drugimi

Primer s kontrolem nad drugimi - on idet cheres seb'a.
Kogda u men'a est' zhelanie i vdohnovenie, ja chto-to delaju
sam, a drugie za mnoj sledujut.
Kogda zhe ja seb'a ne mogu ubedit' chem-to zan'at's'a,
to u men'a net nikakih shansov ubedit' drugih, chto ]to stoit delat'.

Monday 10/14/96
Dzho primenil metod sravnenija dl'a vneshnej motivacii:
"Slishkom mnogo l'udej v mire imejut delat' this for ju not tu".
(Pro vozhdenie motocikla).
Ja, estestvenno, otvetil, chto mne pofig, umejut li ostal'nye ili
net. No, konechno, sovral. Sravnenie esche sil'no vo mne i ]tot
agrument podlil masla v ogon'.
Teper' pokupka mopeda budet vygl'adet' kak porazhenie.
Bardak. Mne ved' motocikl ne ponravils'a, nezavisimo ot problem.
Dazhe kogda ja normal'no ezdil, ne takoj uzh ]to krut'ak.
*
Right after commitment is made, there is exhilirating feeling.
Feel sure and confident that this is right thing to do. Let's see
how long it lasts.
*
Westport Most na Page, east peshehodnaja dorozhka - ujma bitogo stekla.
Ross - most of the way a nice shoulder, both ways.
St Charles Rock - shoulder sucks, but there is two lanes,
so I can ride on one.
Lindbergh - partially big shoulder, partially crap - share lanes
(blago there is 2).

Wednesday 10/16/96
Vv'azals'a v teologicheskuju diskussiju s Ann.
Sotvorenie vselennoj i vse takoe.
Derzhis', bat'a!

Tol'ko sejchas, prechityvaja WARN.ALL ja pon'al, naskol'ko men'a
zadel pereezd naverh - eti beskonechnye skandaly, marazmaticheskie
trebovanija, defekty i nerealistichnye ozhidanija.
No my vozvraschaems'a. I meshaem lozhechkoj chaj. Na kuhne.

Priznak hakerskogo sostojanija - igraju na klaviature, kak na
rojale, taschus' ot pechatanija. Mysli begut esche bystree pal'cev.
Kajf ot samogo fakta interakcii s komp'juterom.
Skorost' est', no boleznennoj speshki net.
Komp'juter rabotaet kak raz s normal'noj skorost'ju.
Snova chuvstvuju seb'a hoz'ainom komp'juternogo carstva.

Thursday 10/17/96
Uznat' chto-to, chto mozhno bylo delat' all along, no juzery
ob ]tom ne znali - vse ravno chto hakernut' from scratch.

Primer Javy:
1) I don't see usage for it.
2) I postpone learning.
3) Looking back, I think that I haven't learned because it was
too hard.
4) I think less of my programming ability.
*
V horoshem sostojanii, nastojchivost' gorazdo vyshe -
willing to try more things, men'a kak-to podzadorivaet
to, chto cel' esche ne polnost'ju dostignuta.
*
Posle dolgogo proslushivanija wave 4.5 ob obostr'aets'a sluh.
*
Gej gop, smotri, chto ja nashel: talk.religion.course-miracle.
*
Ja neredko otvergaju ideju tol'ko potomu, chto oni ne moi.
A byvaet ne otvergaju, no prosto nedovolen, chto ne mne eto prishlo v golovu.
Jurik govorit: "Vse idei - moi".
(ku, eto podvetzhdaet bozhestvennuju suschnost').
Kogda gotov k vosprijatii idei, ona pridet - libo iznutri, libo snaruzhi -
s tochki zrenija Kollektivnogo Soznanija.

Monday 10/21/96
Kogda hochesh' pohvaly, slushaj - daj drugomu dzhustu skazat'.
A to esli vse vrem'a sam chego-to govorish', u nego i shansa
net.
Pohozhe, chto men'a ne prosto nado hvalit', a esche i po moemu
raspisaniju.

Tuesday 10/22/96
Novyj vzgl'ad na nasmeshku - mozhno zav'zat' raszgovor, naprimer v sluchae
s molodezh'ju, kotoraja perla po Kriv Ker Mill, mozhno bylo vyjasnit', s
kakogo koncerta oni edut.

Wednesday 10/23/96
Creation and creativity has same root.
Nashe voobrazhenie sozdaet miry, kotorye zhivut nezavisimo ot nas
i posle nas.
Primer - "Otpetye moshenniki", istorii kotorye rasskazyval Freddi Benson -
on vral, no oni zhili svoej zhizn'ju, byli trogatel'ny i pobuzhdali l'udej
na dobrye postupki. On tozhe byl tvorcom.
*
Ja chuvstvuju seb'a otvratitel'no po povodu togo, chto ja
uzhe skol'ko let dripaju newlist, a on vse fignej stradaet.
Hot'a na samom dele, eto govorit ne o moem neprofessionalizme,
a o lenivosti, ibo na samom dele moe zalezanie v kod newlista
bylo samym chto ni na est' minimal'nym, potomu chto ja nikogda
ne l'ubil razbirat's'a v chuzhom kode.

Kogda ja seb'a tak chuvstvuju, absol'utno net izobretatel'nosti,
l'udi men'a dostajut men'a oh*enno i nichego ne hochets'a delat'.
I diko razdrazhajut popytki drugih pomoch' - deskat' oni chto,
ne ver'at, chto ja sam mogu razobrat's'a ?

Thursday 10/24/96
"First do what's on your mind, then - what others want you to do".

Edu po Olivu, napolovinu taschus', a napolovinu zhdu, chto kto-nibud'
odobritel'no posmotrit na moj moped. Bac - prokol!
Tut zhe prekratil tratit' vrem'a na muru i skoncentrirovals'a na tom kak
chinit':
1) Dovesti do raboty
2) Vecherom vernut' domoj
a) V bagazhnike Mazdy
Mozhno - s etoj rezinovoj derzhalkoj..
b) Prisobachit' bicycle holder k svoej mashine.
Chuvak iz Sun & Ski govorit, chto ne vyderzhit.
Sovetuet pozvonit' v motocikletnyj magazin.
(30 MINUTES LATER)
c) Yay! V World Cycle prodajut special'nuju mopednuju
podstavku (bike hitch) - $50! Por'adok!
Esche on skazal, chto mozhno tow za $50, no podtsavka konechno luchshe!
Esli pozvol'at segodn'a sgon'at'... hold the horses, na chem sgon'at' ?!
Gy.
Ne, vyhoda net - tol'ko ostavit' dryn zdes' na noch', a utrom poehat'
v WC, kupit' holder i snova privesti.
Vecherom, poves' tablichku "punctured tire, I'll pick it up
in the morning".

Hochets'a dostat' holder segodn'a, no nejasno, kak. Siku otorvu.
(30 MINUTES EARLIER)
Problema byla myslenno reshena za neskol'ko minut.

A teper' vopros - chto esli eto byl primer togo kak Sila ispoln'aet moj
vysshij prioritet - "byt' v izobretatel'nom sostojanii, no matter what ?".
Ja ehal i byl anywhere but resourceful.
Sluchilas' nepoladka - i ja, pozabyv pro konflikt, ves', kak odin atakoval
problemu.

Podtverzhdenie o vazhnosti 'release' - reshenie prin'ato, znaju chto budu
delat', no do etogo esche 8 chasov and in the meantime I can
do nothing but worry that it won't work.

Vot sejchas pytajus' vernut's'a k rabote, a v boshke tol'ko volnenie.
Mozhet ]to znak, chto I didn't do my best yet ?
Chuvak posovetoval pozvonit' v motocikletnyj magazin.
I voobsche-to ]to ne takoj uzh plohoj sovet...
No jou, potom. Posle mitinga.
Ili do, no posle togo kak hakernu koj-chto.
Hot'a konechno, vopros, chto huzhe - poter'at' nekotoroe
fizicheskoe vrem'a ili byt' unresourceful.
*
Kstati, hakirovat' vse zadanija za poslednie polchasa chem-to luchshe
chem razyskivat' proshlye zaslugi po fajlam - daet boost pered samim
otchetom.
*
Est' li zhizn'; za zerkalom - est' li zhizn' za strokoj
'connection' v Netware Monitor. Pokazyvaet li on chto-to,
kogda ja na nego ne smotr'u ?
*
Skazal Juriku o tom, chto Vselennaja mozhet podkinut' ser'eznuju problemu,
chtoby ja mog dostich' vysshej celi - resourceful state.

On tolknul ideju, chto togda mozhno voobsche nichego ne bojat's'a - kak
tol'ko zhutkaja problema proizojdet, ja perestanu voevat' sam s soboj,
mobilizuju vse svoi resursy i nanesu sokrushitel'nyj udar po l'ubomu
prep'atstviju. Mir, beregis', vot on ja!

I ]to vsegda tak - kak tol'ko beda dostatochno ser'ezna chtoby zatronut'
moj kajf, ja vooruzhajus' i vskore oderzhivaju reshajuschuju pobedu.
*
Men'a diko zlit, kogda men'a pripekajut, chto chto-to nado pochinit',
a s drugoj storony ne dajut spokojno s ]tim povozit's'a.
*
Unr state - things that might help me feel better I don't want to do.
Speshka, neterpenie.
Sostojanie ostaets'a i posle togo, kak razdrazhitel' ischez.
*
Celoe bo'she summy chastej - mozg reshaet odnu bol'shuju problemu s legkost'ju
(100%), no zastrevaet na kuche male'nkih, pytajas' reshit' vse
odnovremenno, razbivaja svoi vozmozhnosti na neskol'ko frontov.
*
Impul's - iskrenij kompliment - pohvalil Polu, kak ona
vsegda ostaets'a spokojnoj, kogda govorit po telefonu.
I mne klassno i ej prijatno.
I nikakoj lesti.
Men'a odin zvuk zvonka, byvaet, besit, a ej not' by hny.
This is as iskrenne as it gets, potomu chto napominaet mne,
chto net sravnenija. Esli u kogo-to est' dostoinstvo, ego
spokojno mozhno pohvalit', unless ja perezhivaju chto
u men'a takogo net.
*
Sostojanie Nirvany - obostrennye organy vosprijatie - sluh,
vzor, obon'anie.

Smotr'u na okruschajuschee i figeju - kakaja klassnaja grafika!
Kakoj mnogokanal'nyj stereo zvuk!
Kak mnogo vozmozhnostej u men'a, igroka!
A ?

Prichem, prefektno zaprogrammirovamno - dvigajus' i prespektiva
vseh ob'jektov neizmenno men'aets'a. Kak blizko ne podhozhu,
izobrazhenie sovershennoe, bez zernistyh pikselej.

V prikl'uchencheskoj igre, razve ja otkazhus' ot shansa poprobovat'
chto-to iz-za togo chto bojus', chto ne poluchit's'a ?

Ah da, esche chuvstvo vkusa. Chego tol'ko ja ne mogu ispytat'.

A sostojanija, tipa orgazma ? Ili igrovogo azarta ?
Ili romantiki ?

A kak ja mogu pritvorit's'a, chto ispol'zuju komp'juter VNUTRI
komp'juternoj igry ?

A peredvizhenie po ]tomu miru ?
Na bike machine ili pehom ili na mopede ?
I shans bystro doehat' na mashine, kogda v igre emuliruets'a dozhd' ?
(Da esche i kakoj dostovernyj!)

A potr'asajuschij vkus i zapah Fudge Rounds ?

A fakt, chto ]tot mir men'aets'a i pereprogrammiruets'a - ja
mogu snova vernut's'a v mesta, gde byl davno i uznat', chto
tam vse izmenilos' i ih snova mozhno issledovat'!

Vsem igrokam dan shans peredelyvat' igru... i obychno ona
ot ]togo tol'ko horosheet! Esli zh net... to glavnyj programmist
beret iniciativu obratno - i vot uzhe zaros travoj voennyj ob'jekt
i prevratilos' v dzhungli kladbische avtomobilej.

A jumor ? Razve on ne dl'a togo, chtoby napomnit'mne, chto v igre net
nichego ser'eznogo ?

Friday 10/25/96
Porochnyj krug - chtoby dokazat' svoju l'ubov' ja daju ustnuju kl'atvu.
Potom dumaju "Ogo, zagnul! A kak ja ee budu sderzhivat' ?".
Potom mne nachinaet kazat's'a, chto men'a zastavili davat' ]tu kl'atvu
i resent that.
Primer v dannom sluchae - tolknul chto spokojno vylozhu 500 na remont
dryna, vo im'a l'ubvi. Potom podumal: "Jou, poluchits'a 700, a za 600 ja
mog kupit' novyj Kinetic!". I pochuvstvoval nedovol'stvo pokupkoj i
rashodami (hot'a ne imeju predstavlenija, kakie budut rashody). Poputno u
men'a uhudshilos' mnenie o remontnikah, kotorye zalamyvajut s men'a takie
den'gi (]to uzhe kak by stalo real'nost'ju).
*
Na jarkoj note - SMT (Spiritual Mind Treatment) works beatifully:
ostanavlival dozhd' uzhe
ne raz. Krome togo tolknul SMT, chtoby moped vlez v bagazhnik - por'adok.
Sejchas poslal v Zakon Soznanija utverzhdenie, chto moj moped pochinili
bystro, nadezhno i deshevo.
V to zhe vrem'a uzhe zl'us' na nih, chto oni sobirajut's'a
valandat's'a celuju nedel'u, kogda ja i den' ne mogu prot'anut'
bez dryna. B*'a.
Poputno beshus' ot togo cxhto na doroge val'ajuts'a gvozdi.
Dumaju chto ne ploho by podmesti koj-gde, gde steklo bitoe,
no srazu kontrargumenty: "A v drugih mestah ?", "Ja zhe ne tam
prokolol!", "Ja chto, nanal's'a ?"
*
Interesnoe nabl'udenie: kogda ja vo sne huligan'u,
narod okazyvaet koj-kakoe protivodejstvie. No kogda ja
hochu "rabotat'", vozrazhenij obychno net. K chemu by ]to ?
*
Good assoc: Real McCoy, another night (goes damn well as interrupted song,
I paused MIDi and it keeps ringing, yeah!)
*
Confirmed again - some cphones don't like some lines.
Swapped mine with #2 and it works fine.
Is that how "inaminate" objects tell us that they want to travel ?
Or to get a raise by moving into our room ?
*
"Winning attitude show" - they walk on that thin line between
being optimist and stupid. And they cross that line :{
*
"What you don't know, will hurt you".
*
Jim Rohn speaker - mozhet i ne durak, no stil'... ne togo.
Pohozh na Windom Earla.

Monday 10/28/96
Mysl' - ne kazni seb'a za plohoe nastroenie utrom, prosto bud'
otkryt k tomu, chto mozhet ego ispravit'.
Primer - kto-to privel na raboto melkogo, tot oret durnym golosom.
Ja razdrazhen. Rugaju seb'a za neterpimost'. Vmesto ]togo prosto
mozhno nasladit's'a tishinoj, kotoraja nastupaet posle togo, kak gosti
ushli.
*
Razdrazhenie uzerami - byvaet chto ja na kogo-to svalivaju rabotenku
(skuchnuju), a potom zl'us' na nego, kogda on naputal.
Skoree vsego, ja zl'us' na seb'a, chto uslozhnil sebe zhizn'
vmesto togo, chtob uprostit'.
*
Pomnish' byvalo, ja chego-to ispravl'aju, narod sochuvstvenno govorit
"Boy you must be frustrated". But I wasn't!

Gde-to zdes' nabl'udenie processa - naprimer smotr'u na printer, poka on
borets'a s lejblami.
Kogda nabl'duja, zamechaju, chto voobsche-to est'
na chto posmotret', mysli idut spokojnye i dazhe umnye.
You can almost think that things also want to attract attention, just like
people. And they do it ... by breaking.. also not caring that attention
could be negative.
Mozhet oni pytajuts'a mne skazat', chto zalog uspeha - v
interese k nim ?
Sledstvie - esli samomu projavit' interes, to, mozhet, u nih
ne budet zhelanija lomat's'a.
Kstati, ]to sovmestimo i s faktom, chto ]ntropija narastaet -
esli dolgo ne trogat' programmu ili printer, on zagnivaet i portit's'a.

Neudachi (zaderzhki) na rabote ne imejut osobogo znachenija, esli
one mne ne ugrozhajut.
*
Iz serii "past doesn't equal the future" - tot fakt, chto ja mes'ac
t'anul jashu za h**ashu i ne otvetil na nekotorye pis'ma, vovse
ne oznachaet, chto ja ne mogu ]togo sdelat' segodn'a. I sdelal.
*
Answering to pending letters is absolutely the best way to get a flux
of new ones. Surprise!
*
RFL pacashka skazala "stranno, chto est' strana, gde cultural
bias against prosperity".
A chego tut strannogo ? Esli vsem ne hvatit, to konechno tot
kto imeet bol'she, obiraet drugih.
Potom, mne pokazalos', chto RFLka zahotela na mne podzarobotat'
(skazala tipa "telefonnaja konsul'tacija" ili "book"), mne ]to ne
ponravilos' i ja pis'mo krahnul.

}to k slovu o delovyh otnoshenijah. Oni u men'a konchajuts'a
posle prodazhi (v otlichie ot obychnyh druzheskih).
A konchajuts'a oni potomu chto cel' dostignuta (esli ja s ]tim chelovekom
soshels'a tol'ko dl'a prodazhi).
*
Kogda u men'a chego-to net, podumaj - "A hochu li ja ]togo ?", prezhde chem
ogorchat's'a. Primer - edu mimo predvybornyh plakatikov i dumaju "Y, a ja
ne izbiratel'". Potom vspomnil, chto mne iskopon vekov plevat' na politiku.
*
Chto esli nerabotajuschie chasy vo sne govor'at o tom,
chto vrem'a ne suschestvuet ?
*
I've found some pages of "Groundhog Day" fans!!!
*
Attituda "Sobaka na sene" mozhet byt' protestom protiv
licemernogo zhuzhzhanija o tom, chto nado davat' drugim, no ne sebe.
*
Nado zhe, skazano chto fenomen Travolty - eto ideal'nyj chelovek
s tochki zrenija cerkvi scientology. Ku!
Esche interesnej, oni tozhe govor'at, chto obobschili vse religii.
"workable philosophy that can be applied to help one achieve a happier and
richer existence"
Nu jo-moe!
Tak ]to zh nash lozung!
"the function of Scientology: to enable man to improve his lot through
understanding."

"Man's knowledge of the physical universe had far outdistanced his
knowledge of himself."

Scientology is an applied religious philosophy. It holds in common many of
the beliefs of other religions and philosophies, and considers man to be a
spiritual being, with more to him than flesh and blood.

Scientology believes man to be basically good, not evil.
YAY!

Scientology believes that an individual placed in a position where he has
higher intelligence, where he can confront life better, where he can
identify the factors in his life more easily, is also in a position to
solve his own problems and so better his own life.

* Otricatel'nyj nastroj o skandale scientology s intertnetom nachinaet
tajat'. Oni delo govor'at! *

The goal of Scientology is to ...
wake the individual up.
YAY! Nashi v gorode!

Scientology means literally "knowing how to know."

"Man does not HAVE a spirit. He IS a spirit"

"man is a spiritual being who aspires to understand and improve life."

Egipetskaja kul'tura zhila 27 vekov - nu ni figa sebe!
A mestnaja poka tol'ko 5j.

There, the Persian religion of Zoroastrianism was born around the belief
that only by defining "good" and "evil" could one hope to free himself of
ignorance and achieve true happiness in the afterlife.
Hm.

Pishut' o Budde i Zaratustre i Tao, interesno.

Tao: "When men are most natural, they move according to the laws of
interdependence and interaction of all universal laws, and so maintain a
perfect harmony and balance"

"Socrates held that neither he nor anyone else had the right to force
opinions on others. Rather, through systematic questioning, he sought to
lead others to cast aside preconceptions and reach their own conclusions."
Okazyvaets'a Sokrata kaznili. O.

Nado zhe, vse ob'jedin'ajut v obschuju kartinu. Skoro do Hrista dojdem,
posmotrim.

Oni tolkajut ideju, chto kul'tury razrushalis' iz-za togo, chto
narod ne slushal svoih prorokov.

Religija iudaizma - mat' Hristianstva i Islama (!).

"Hence, the special appeal of Christ's message that the Kingdom of God was
not only at hand, but lay within all those with faith.

Though crucified, the hope that Christ brought to man did not die. Instead,
his death became symbolic of the triumph of the spirit over the material
body and so brought a new awareness of man's true nature."
Ooo!
Triumf duha nad materiej - zdorovo!


Govor'at, chto Taoizm prep'atstvoval rasprostraneniju Buddizma v Kitae.

"Toward the end of this period, in 1215, English barons forced King John to
sign the famous Magna Carta. This historic document, a formal recognition
of the rights of others, was built on the belief that the basic nature of
man was good, not evil, and that he was capable of determining his own
destiny.
The provisions included the guaranteed freedom of the church, respect for
the customs of towns, protection of the rights of subjects and communities,
and what would later be interpreted as a guarantee of the right of trial by
jury. These represented the triumph of law over king, and thus reason over
force.

But the late fifteenth century ushered in the Inquisition, which again
sought to quell man's sense of reason and his reach for spiritual
enlightenment. Those subscribing to beliefs unacceptable to the Catholic
church were tried and tortured until they renounced their "heretical
views.
Anyone thought to have "strange" or "different" ideas could be labeled a
blasphemer or even a witch, then burned at the stake if they refused to
accept the established beliefs."

Poluchate's'a,chto Inkvizicija na samom dele na tom zhe urovne,
chto chuvaki, kotorye rasp'ali Hrista. Interesno, da?
Izbienie Hodzhi Nasreddina vo slavu Hodzhi Nasreddina.

"But man's desire to understand himself and the world around him could not
be stopped and men like Leonardo da Vinci pursued their studies in the hope
of finding the answers. A brilliant painter, engineer, astronomer and
botanist, Leonardo helped launch the Renaissance and a new age of
scientific discovery in the face of ridicule from the ignorant and bigoted.
Even the most seemingly innocuous studies had to be undertaken with
discretion, as the watchful eye of the Inquisition was ever present. In
fact, many of his notes were written out so they could only be read in a
mirror."

"Fleeing suppression and intolerance in Europe, pilgrims of several faiths
set sail for the New World where their aspirations of freedom were probably
best summed up by Thomas Jefferson's Declaration of Independence. He wrote,
"..that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator
with certain inalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the
pursuit of Happiness." The light of spiritual freedom was once again
burning bright."
Ish' ty kak vyvel!
Interesno, pro rabstvo skazhut ?

Poshli pripekat' Darvina i psihologiju. K'u!

"psychiatry was born, as a tool for tyrannical governments."
Nu reb'ata, chego-to by ne v tu step' poehali!
Na psihiatriju napadajut uzhe sovsem necivilizovanno.
Watch out!

"The psychologist believes in materialism."
Otkuda oni vz'ali takoj bred ?!
T'fu.
Machali za zdravie...

Govor'at, chto ih religija spaset mir.
Skromniki.

Interesno, kak oni mogut govorit', chto bazirujuts'a
na religii I nauke, i v to zhe vrem'a otvergat'
psihologiju i psihiatriju ?

"And the extraordinary achievement of Dianetics and Scientology has been
the development of exact, precise methods to increase man's awareness and
capabilities."
Ku!

Nu i samouverennye oni.
Pr'amo taki instrukcii k schas'tju.
Poka po delu nichego ne skazano.

"One must learn the axioms of existence by training in Scientology if one
is to attain a higher awareness of life."
Blin, tol'ko oni skazhut chto-to horoshee, kak op'at' l'apajut kakuju-to
fign'u.
Chto, pravda v poslednej instancii ?

Isn't this "don't call man a Master if he calls himself so ?".

I feel, esli sejchas ne prochitaju sho-nibud' po delu,
to zabroshu ih.

Mne diko ne nravit's'a, chto oni pripekajut psihologiju.

Stranno ]to, vo mnogom pohozhe na Religious Science, tol'ko
v RS govor'at, chto ne znajut otvetov, a ]ti govor'at,
chto vse uzhe najdeno. Zamanchivo, no podozritel'no.

Est' instruktory, no oni tol'ko slushajut i zadajut voprosy...
vprochem, zadavaja voprosy tozhe mozhno napravl'at' razmyshlenija,
ja sam ]to delaju.

Chert, oni k tebe kakoj-to pribor podkl'uchajut vo vrem'a auditing.
Jakoby dl'a proverki response. Kju!!!!!!!
Tipa detektora lzhi. "Detect level of upset or trauma". Gm-gm.
Nazyvajut ego "religious artifact".

Govor'at, chto obuchenie - ]to chtenie knig Hubbarda.
Nu ]to esche pol-bedy.

Govor'at, chto cel' traininga - sdelat' cheloveka auditorom dl'a
drugih. Tozhe mne cel'!

Govor'at chto oni otkryli "how to study".
A chego ne del'at's'a ?

Govor'at, chto mladenec spiritual'no ne togo.
Protivorechie s tem, chto mladenec naoborot ispol'zuet Silu.

Oni govor'at, chto ne ver'at v reinkarnaciju - k'u.

They mention "moral" couple of times. Definition ?

"The Church regards the media as an important element of society which,
responsibly run and responsibly employed, can do a tremendous amount of
good."
Huh ? "Responsibly run ?" By whom ?

BTW, it's amazing how much scandal Scientologists have created
(including bardak v sobstvennom rukovodstve).
Also makes you think.

Cult Awareness network - check their page.

They keep talking about some "ecclesiastical codes". Huh ?
Also, they can expel members (opravdyvajuts'a tem, chto vse ]to delajut).
Skandal'no, man.

Interesno, chto u nih est' svoi pesni.
Sejchas slushaju v realaudio.
Travolta poet. I sam inhij shef - Hubbard.

Sejchas zaslushaju ego rech'.
Na Robbinsa ne t'anet po stil'u izlozhenija.
Tormoz kakoj-to.
Povtor'aets'a.

Po-moemu ih napadki na psihoterapiju nesovmestimy so Svetloj Storonoj-
change yourself, not others.

Proslushal uzhe 4 otryvka iz lekcij Hubbarda - i vse
iz pustogo v porozhnee.
A govor'at, chto u nih chetkie instrukcii.
"Esli cheloveku nechego skazat', on gromche vseh krichit" ?
Zabavno poroj, no do sih ne slyshu zerna smysla.
"When you tell these little stories of yours, make sure
they have a point - it mnakes them so much more interesting!".

Vse vrem'a pi**it ob obschetve, i pochti nichego o self-improvement.
Zvuchit kak politik, a ne kak psiholog.
I etot bolvan budet men'a uchit' ?

Yyh, slushaem dal'she.
*
Closet Rebel:
> humans are designed to be reactive, not proactive. i think>this really
> gets in our way, we function best under stress, like leaving your studying
> to the last night....
That's me alright.
I never thought about it that way.
Maybe I DO procrastinate so that time finally comes when I am in trouble and
I have to use all resources to solve problem. This seems to imply that for
me it is ok that the challenge multiplied tenfold, as long as I myself am in
a powerful state to deal with it.
*
Wording for non-judging observation:
"human condition playing itself out".
*
Another good search for WARN.ALL, along with '!!!' - look for 'yay'.
*
Op'at' konflikt s mestnym jumorom -
Dzhoan v shutku povesila znak }nn, deskat' "opasno, ne vhodit'!".
Ja dumal, ytak, steb, a okazalos', chto }nn pravda bol'na.
I srazu ne smeshno.
What's the right decision - fajt or ignor ?

Note: spontannoe rejection takih shutok - spontannoe, a ne
osoznannoe. Tak zhe i u drugih, spontannoe prin'atie.
Tam gde net vybora, nechego sudit'.
*
Reading "Groundhog Day" fan pages...

"Groundhog Day Syndrome. Thinking that success is achieved
through. memorizing someone else's behavior and learning the
rules of someone else's game..."
*
Interesno, koe gde v rev'ju povtor'ajut poverhnostnoe suzhdenie
o tom, chto Phil Connors is "self-centered".
*
"The `getting it right' is simply making the best out of the
present. And as Phil lives a life-time of Groundhog Days until he
finally does get it right."

fanatov ]togo fil'ma - zhutkoe kolichestvo.
Tak i dolzhno byt' - genial'noe tvorenie dolzhno dohodit'.
*
"he does savor a moment irrespective of its
place in time when he says "I'm happy now," and that may have
been what was most significant."
*
Nachal publikovat' svoi zametki o metodah ]ntropii v razdele
"informacija k razmyshleniju". Yay!
*
Vspominaju kusok iz mul'tika "Simpsons" gde odin zloveschij
tip v vide nauchnogo ]ksperimenta prishil
krysu k ptice. Ptica poletela, krysa - pod nej.
Potom oni perevernulis', krysa pytalas' vlezt' v norku, no ne vyshlo -
ptica stuknulas' bashkoj v stenu.
*
Po povodu "smeshno vygl'adish':"
<< No doubt there are advantages to some of the helix design, but how cool
do you look riding down the street? You look like a queer!>> Definitely, the Helix design takes some getting used to. But looking like
a queer? What exactly do queers look like? Look in the mirror lately,
bud?

Ne tak uzh ploho pochitat' pro bor'bu s bigotami -
ukrepl'aet veru v to, chto nichego plohogo v tom, chotby otlichat's'a ot
vseh.
*
"kogda ty pokazyvaesh' na men'a pal'cem, chetyre ostal'nyh
pokazyvajut obratno na teb'a".

Thursday 10/31/96
Interesno, kogda ja dumaju, chto kto-to ne na svoem meste
i zasluzhivaet kuda bol'shego (naprimer Pola), argumenty
tipa "Chego bojat's'a ? S tvoimi sposobnost'ami ty nigde ne propadesh'!"
primenimy i ko mne. No kogda ja dumaju o sebe i o vozmozhnosti
raboty gde-to esche, strah zanimaet central'noe mesto i nikakih dovodov
ne slushaet.
*
Kogda kritikuesh' i s toboj ne spor'at, I feel heard.
*
Igrivost' pobezhdaet strah.
Igrivost' =?= element igry dazhe v ser'eznom dele ?!!
*
Lois skazala, chto mne nado by napisat' knigu.
Pomnish' moj razgovor s Dzho na tu zhe temu ?
A, NA LETNEJ KONFERENCII.
JA DUMAL, CHTO ON TAKOJ USPESHNYJ, UVERENNYJ CHUVAK,
A OKAZALOS', CHTO U NEGO TO ZHE SAMOE.

Konechno, ja poka ne nashel stabil'nogo schast'ja,
no mozhet pol'z'a budet uzhe ot togo, chto ja organizuju
vse idei ? Mozhet po hodu pojava'ts'a novye, dazhe bolee
global'nye.
A pomnish', kak ja hotel nazvat' svoju knigu ? Kogda ehal v Rigu ?
"Find yourself".

Kstati, polozhiv knigu na WWW ja spokojno smogu bumpanut'
ee na top, hakernuv kl'uchevye slova, kak ja uzhe
sdelal s mopednymi stranicami i l'usidnym snami.
(Naprimer, sejchas, kogda delaesh' poisk na
self improvement, lezut v osnovnom serinamy).
A mozhet i ne nado knigi ?
Ved' Asfalt'nyj Filosof prosto publikuet zhurnal.

Kstati, i psihologija i hakirovanie javl'ajuts'a
moimi temami - ja mogu chuvstvovat' polet govor'a i o tom,
i o drugom.
*
Breaking friend's trust backfires on myself.
It results in me not being able to trust.
To learn to trust, learn to be trustworthy.

Friday 11/01/96
If I look at the problem as something that MUST be solved before
I can feel good, than going one step at a time IS terrifiyng - Dog
knows, how many steps I have to make before I finally feel good.
Makes it easier to try to forget the problem altogether.
*
Potihon'ku nachinaem pomeschat' bols'he notes
v THOUGHTS/MYSLI.
*
Mysl' - byvaet chto kogda pridesh' v spokojnoe sostojanie (IP, giving),
kogda reshenija bol'she ne kazhut's'a diko vazhnymi, to vybor delaets'a
legko i sam soboj.
*
Pomnish' vspyshku izobretatel'nosti, kogda ja hakernul sebe v
komnatu telefonnuju liniju i sdelal dvernuju signalizaciju ?
I sveshival fonarik v trubu, chtoby posmotret', kuda ona vedet ?

Vprochem, ]to byvalo i potom, naprimer, kogda ja rezko pochinil faru i
tormoznoj signal na mopede.
*
If you listen to everybody, everybody talks to you.
Takim obrazom vse, chto kto-libo sprashivaet o mopedah na Usenete,
idet ko mne, dazhe esli oni obo mne esche ne znajut i posylajut
post v kakuju-to maloizvestnuju njusgruppu.
*
Comtemplate raznicu mezhdu moej pomosch'ju Keti s napisaniem knigi
o remonte mashin i tem, chto Paltron otkryl masterskuju po remontu mopedov.

Mozhet lichnyj primer i drugim napominaet, chto v nashih silah
izmenit' nastojaschee, a ne vorchat' po povodu ushedshego proshlogo ?

V sta'tje pro Paula govorili, chto kogda on ezdit, hot'at
kupit' ego moped. Tak teper' on dejstvitel'no smozhet
prodavat' dryny zhelajuschim!

Monday 11/04/96
Law of circulation nachinaet dejstvovat' - Rick Nixon sam
predlozhil mne pomosch' s poiskom detalej (posle togo kak ja poslal
emu paru mailov s informaciej).

Poduchit's'a 'letting go' ne meshalo by. To chto ja nepreklonen v svoem
zhelanii pochinit' dryn - ]to klassno. No to, chto ja ves' den' tol'ko
ob ]tom i volnujus' - ]to i neprijatno, i bespolezno.

Kstati, WWW dejstvitedl'no kak intellekt.
Pomnish', ja govoril s Elizoj ?
Segodn'a ja sprosil u Interneta, pro "letting go" i sejchas on mne
otvechaet na raznye golosa.
Prochital esche Petera Russela "letting go' - o cheloveke,
kotoryj vs'u zhizn' cepl'aets'a za verevku, kogda otpuskaet
ee, okazyvaets'a, chto on stoit na zemle. Po principu "podnimi
nogi, podmetu."

Chuvstvuju zavist' - vot chuvak pishet, publikuets'a, a ja vrode net.
I na samom dele raznica ne v priznanii, a v tom, naskol'ko smelosti
u men'a (nego), chtoby zasharit' svoi mysli.
AGA! VOT I PRISHEL MOJ CHAS!
JA OSMELILS'A I BUBLIKUJUS'!
Men'a von closet rebel pohvalila - kuda uzh bole! Malo kto pishet
kruche nee. No smelost' prihodit iznutri.
*
Primer "segodn'a smeshnoe, zavtra popul'arnoe" -
"ucheba" v Shkide.
*
Parallel' nasschet poteri seb'a - kak Luis ("Revenge of the Nerds")
provozglasili, chto on bol'she ne nerd, tak i ja otkazyvals'a ot zvanija
'haker' (i ot obschenija s hakerstvom) posle prochtenija
"crackdown" (do sih por vspominat' strashno).

Kstati, bojazn' nasmeshek i poisk popul'arnosti vedet k samomu
gnilomu - tipa otverzhenija druga, chtoby posmejat's'a nad nim
vmeste s nasmeshnikom. Znakomo ? Pomnish' kak ja zalozhil Kargina
Latkovskomu ?

"My name is not Chaz. It's Chester."

Realizing this stuff is both painful and enlightening.
*
Metody entropii:
Kogda otvechaesh' l'ubov'ju na to, chto teb'a obizhaet,
entropija dobavl'aet ozhidanie, chto drugoj chelovek
tozhe dolzhen rezko izmenit's'a. A ]togo kak raz
byt' ne dolzhno. Cel' - vnutrennee spokojstvie.

Takim obrazom velichajshuju pobedu E izobrazhaet kak
ocherednoe porazhenie.
*
Sravnenie - ja soglasen na ser'eznyj trabl as long as I am in
full strength.
Na rabote - pust' vse poletelo v tartarary, no esli mne
ne meshajut, ja berus' s ]tim spravit's'a.
Gorazdo slozhnee malen'kie problemki v zhizni, kogda
meshajut 90% viny/straha/zaboty.
I na rabote, kogda meshajut juzery i nado lavirovat' mezhdu nimi,
chtoby oni mogli rabotat', poka ja chin'u.
Tozhe, esli by mne dali spokojno hakernut',
ja vse reshil by bystree.
I tozhe v zhizni, esli ja po malen'koj problemke vdar'u iz vseh batarej,
ot nee skoro ostanets'a tol'ko pechal'naja kuchka.
*
Chto esli 90% - ]to poisk novoj problemy, kotoroj
mozhno otdat' vse sily ?
Poisk nesoznatel'nyj i ne rabotaet on nevazhno, no pohozhe -
obostren vvod informacii iz sredy.
I poka optimal'noe sostojanie nerazryvno sv'azano s dikoj
problemoj, vozmozhno tak i budet.
*
Kstati, kak bezuslovnaja l'ubov', tak i bezuslovnyj mir -
chto-to, ne zavis'aschee ot dejstvij drugih.

Tuesday 11/05/96
Metody ]ntropii:
Kogda vybiraesh's'a iz bolota i nachinaesh' chuvstovat', chto mozhesh'
reshit' problemu, ona srazu navalivaet goru ostal'nyh.
Gora - ]to prichina, po kotoroj I was stuck in the first place, because
it seemed overwhelming and I didn't know which to pick.
*
Giving helps to makes sure, chto ja budu v sostojanii poprosit' o pomoschi,
kogda ona mne ponadobit's'a.
*
Chuvstvuju vinu, chto nadolgo zabrosil issledovanbie voln
(nachal proshloj zimoj).
Prichem, pochuvstvoval ja ee kak raz kogda zapustil MIND.EXE.
*
Konflikt - s odnoj storony neploho by povstrechat's'a s Leo,
s drugoj - mysl' - "chem v ]tom gorode mzohno zanimat's'a ?".
*
Ja volnujus' ob uspehe nochnoj operacii i
chuvstvuju seb'a unizhenno iz-za togo, chto ]to navernoe
ja zaportil Shurika (moped, v smysle).
Chuvstvo, po suti, "I didn't do my best", kotoroe
razryvaet: "Vot polez i isportil" i v to zhe vrem'a
"Mozhet esche est' shans ? Mozhet ja mogu esche chto-to sdelat' ?".
Dyer govoril "na hren best, just do".
Dejstvitel'no, intent bezuslovno byl best - dovesti do sovershenstva.
No horoshij intent ne vsegda garantiruet horoshij rezul'tat.
No ne pripekat' zhe seb'a za nailuchshie pobuzhdenija !?
Ved' ja uzhe znaju kuda ]to vedet - predmet, kotoryj vyzyvaet
u men'a beskontrol'nye sil'nye ]mocii, preimuschestvenno otricatel'nye,
byvaet obrechen, potomu chto edinstvennyj sposob izbavit's'a ot
]mocij, kotoryj ja znaju - ]to zabrosit' predmet.
Vprochem, kak govoril Zejc, "tak "ucheba" ne konchaets'a".
Ona umiraet ot skuki, a ne ot ssor.

Vprochem, kogda u men'a budet esche i Puch, polegchaet,
mozhno budet ezdit' na odnom, esli vtoroj zabuzit.
No, konechno, imeet smysl podderzhivat' i avstrijca i nemca na hodu.
*
Esche odin zvuk, kotoryj ispol'zuets'a v nashem krugu, kogda
nechego skazat': ryg.
*
Chuvstvuju obidu, chto shef vrode by i ne poveril,
chto ja delom zanimajus' (hot'a ja bezuslovno zanimajus' -
note distinction - drugoe delo, kogda ja pritvor'ajus').

Zloe slovo, buduchi skazano, prodolzhaet zvenet' v ushah
snova i snova.
(hot' zlo i v glaze beholdera).

Vozmozhno, nalichie obidy govorit o tom, chto delo ne v konkretnom
sluchae, a v obschem beliefe o moem vklade v delo procvetanija.
(pomnish', kak men'a zadelo, chto pribyl' umen'shilas' ?
Mne-to ob'jektivno pofig, est' u nego pribyl' ili net,
no ochen' neprijatno soznavat', chto moja rabota
sposobstvovala upadku. Gnilo.)
*
O, tol'ko chto dezha-v'u bylo.
*
Konflikt - libo chistit' programmu srazu, riskuja, chto pridets'a
stavit' obratno, elsi ona-taki ne otlazhena,
libo ostavl'at' v nej musor, riskuja chto potom zabudu ego ubrat'.
*
Nasmeshlivost' spasaet ot nemedlennogo peer pressure,
no ne ot post-effektov.
*
Sharing/giving stanovit's'a zlostnym, kogda iz istochnika
udovol'astvija prevraschaets'a v samocel'.

Wednesday 11/06/96
Kstati esche odin pl'us govorit' "ja", a ne "l'udi":
ne budut preryvat' i dokazyvat', chto ]to ne tak.
*
Vnutrennij golos (pomimo prin'atija reshenij) dovol'no
legko ugadyvaet moj nastojaschij intent.
*
...from the point of view of the Mityok, the foul taste of bormotukha is
insufficient reason for not enjoying the stuff.

Zan'atno!
*
Igrivost' narastaet s prijatnym predvkusheniem.

Thursday 11/07/96
Nashel... as' ?
*
Res state:
hochets'a poboltat' s narodom, posmejat's'a, podelit's'a.
1) Legko najti, chto mozhet byt' komu interesno, i rasskazat'.

2) Esche, otr assoc slovno by ischezajut - vse mne mily.
Ostanovis', mgnoven'je!

3) Legko reshit', chem zan'ats'a i ne pugaet perspektiva
nepravil'nogo vybora (mozhet potomu chto zan'atie ne
prizvano uluchshat' nastroenie).
*
Zametil, chto moe otnoshenie k Olegu Popovu nejavno
isportilos' posle togo kak Nikulin v svoej knige obvinil ego
v plagiate.
*
Pomestil link na cartalk (ku!) v elinks i links, i
zametil raznicu v otnoshenii - dl'a mestnyh ]to dejstvitel'no
verh vesel'ja, dl'a svoih... pozhaluj, byvaet i smeshnee.

Friday 11/08/96
Folk Muzon - neploho.

Saturday 11/09/96
Obaldet' - nashel mikrokassetu za mart 96.
Neuzhto diktofon u men'a tak davno ? Da-a.
A vprochem, ved' pervye sentimental'nye progulki ja zapisyval esche na
bol'shuju kassetu.

Zan'atno slushat', kak ja inogda podbiraju slova,
a potom vybiraju to zhe, chto ja vybral, slushaja.

Kstati, togda zhe ja zapisal, chto smenil diktofon -
tochno, ]to uzhe zamena.

Uzhe v marte ja skazal "Mysl' takaja... stanovit's'a standartnoj frazoj".

Na bg v mnogih zapis'ah - muzon. Zvuchit.

Interesnuju mysl' tolknul - oi tom, chto expression i perception -
dva polus'a i neobhodimy kak svobodnaja ]kspressija, tak i svobodnaja
percepcija (vosprijatie).

"Proschenie ja daju sam sebe. Po mere vospominanij... budu vspominat'
to, chto ja natvoril i budu seb'a proschat'".

"Vran'e - ]to sposob izbezhat' obvinenija. Ne nakazanija, a imenno
obvinenija, neprijatnyh chuvstv".

From too many neg associations comes helplessness (can't gain control) => anger => hate.
Vot sejchas u men'a novaja trevoga o tom chto zadn'aja shina
postepenno spuskaets'a (byla m'agkoj kogda zabral iz masters koj
i snova m'agkoj utrom). Hot'a i nametil, kak dejstvovat',
mysl' krutit's'a v bashke i rastet protest - dostatochno li udovol'stvie,
chtoby k nemu pl'usovalos' stol'ko negativnyh myslej ?
Ob'ektivnost' myslej pod voprosom, no oni est'.
Dazhe zametil, chto mne neprijatno perechityvat' pro aukcion.

Kstati, pri vsej bazarnosti, mozhno zakl'uchit', chto den' zeml'anoj
svinki prodolzhaets'a.

Dzheff Piters byl prav - trest lopaets'a iznutri
zhelanie chinit' (i "uchit's'a") propadaet ne iz-za vneshnih
prep'atstvij, a iz-za otsutstvija vnutrennej solidarnosti.
*
Uzhe v marte ja tolknul ideju "internalizacija boga": "raz bog vnutri,
to l'ubov' k bogu - ]to l'ubov' k sebe".

Esche, ja togda doper do mysli, chto tekuschaja inkarnacija -
vybrana dl'a togo chtoby luchsin obrazom seb'a vyrazit' v ]tom
perevoploscheniem.
*
Bilif, chto l'ubov' ob'azyvaet men'a k bespokojstvu -
pr'amaja doroga k nenavisti.
SIL'NO.
*
Vrem'a diskretno. Vot naprimer, na IRC ja shuroval
poltora goda nazad. A kazhet's - prosto pereryv mezhdu
dvum'a zapuskami.

Monday 11/11/96
Vo sne doper do grandioznoj idei ravnovesija intentov - esli
moj intent horosh, to i protiv menja plohih napravleno ne budet.
Mozhet byt' nevazhnaja manifestacija, no ne intent.

I esli ja pomn'u chto moj horoshij intent - ]to vse chto nuzhno, i ja
sebe nravl'us', i u men'a horoshee otnoshenie, ja mogu prinimat' horoshee,
chto idet ko mne i ja mogu videt' skvoz' plohoe - videt', chto ono
dejstvitel'no NE napravleno PROTIV MEN'A.

Kogda ja ne vojuu s soboj, mne gorazdo legche videt', chego hot'at drugie i
s chem vojuut oni - dym ne zastilaet moi glaza.
*
Dobavlenie k 'nothing is as easy as it seems':
'nothing is as hard as it seems'.
*
Dig this - the way to block the flow of good is to view your good intent
as bad and then prevent its manifesting! (takim obrazom
v limite ja smotr'u na vse svoi dejstvija kak na zlo i nahozhus'
v absol'utnoj prokrastinacii).
Priznaju, delal.
No bylo li ]togo so zla ?
Ne, skoree ot nejasnosti.

Udivitel'no, kogda ja nazval ]to svoim imenem, dazhe stranno -
neuzheli ja dejstvitel'no tak diko borols'a so zlom v sebe na
vseh frontah ? Neuzheli ja schital seb'a nastol'ko zlym ?
Vprochem, ]to op'at' zhe zavisit ot celi - esli ja hotel' enforsanut'
ideal'nyuju manifestaciju, I was doomed to failure, but kept trying
it anyway, thinking that good intent is not good enuogh. But it is!

Horoshij primer: u men'a krutaja ideja, dumaju opublikovat', no vizhu, chto
manifestacija mozhet ne byt' ideal'noj: ne pojmut, ne ocen'at, ne tak
skazhu. Rezul'tat - nichego ne delaju.
I dazhe, byvaet, zl'us' na horoshie intenty, chto oni men'a stav'at pered
neobhodimost'ju reshat' - manifest ili net.

Eche chuvstvuju, chto bojus' pereborschit' s pohvaloj intenta.
Hot'a, razve ne nastala pora kompensirovat' samoedstvo proshlyh let ?

(Ja perevel intent kak namerenie).
V vospitanii, chtoby dite ne vyroslo v strahe, chto ob'azatel'na
ideal'naja manifestacija ("nothing i do is good enough"), vazhno samomu
byt' v good state i videt' intent skvoz' vneshnost'.
Kogda sam v bazare, rebenok mozhet razdrazhat', nichego plohogo ne imeja v
vidu. On budet nakazan snova i snova, poka ne poverit v to, chto on -
zloj.

No verno odno - nel'z'a trebovat' terpimosti ot cheloveka, kotoryj
seb'a est' vs'u dorogu.

Vozmozhnost' slushat' drugih (i voobsche interes k nim) rastet
neizmerimo, kogda vnutri tiho.
*
Kstati, bol'shaja chast' ]nergija uhodila na to, chtoby
dokazyvat' sebe, chto ja imeju pravo na plohoj intent.

Tuesday 11/12/96
K voprosu o motivacii - sam fakt, chto sistemu mozhno uluchshit',
ne ob'azatel'no brosit men'a v boj. No tot fakt, chto
]to sdelali drugie, da esche i provozglashajut seb'a luchshimi v mire -
izvini, podvin's'a! Otkuda tol'ko sily berut's'a ?
*
Primer togo, kak ochern'aets'a intent.
Nashel streaming sovestkij muzon na WWW.
Hotel pozvonit' Ane, podelit's'a horoshej novost'ju.
Zatem - "A ona ved' sama ne mozhet slushat'. Poluchit's'a,
chto drazn'us'. Stoit li ?".
I uzhe kak budto moj intent - podraznit'.
Zlo blokiruets'a, ja nichego ne delaju.
*
"I wanna be a human being, not a human doing".
*
Pomnish' moju mysl': "Ne somnevajs'a, v tom, chto
tebe mogut pomoch'; te, komu ty vver'aesh'
svoju tehniku ?".
}to sv'azano s moim otkrytiem, a imenno:
samyj prostoj sposob zablokirovat' dobro, chtoby
ono ne shlo ko mne - ]to somnevat's'a v dobryh namerenijah drugih.

}to sostavl'aet dve chasti zagadki:
to be trustworthy - verit' v svoi dobrye namerenija,
inache ja budu ih podavl'at'
to trust - verit' v dobrye namerenija drugih, inache
ja budu blokirovat' dobro, kotoroe idet ko mne.
*
PoMnish' chto Robins govoril naschet doverija i ezdy po uzkoj doroge ?
*
Prijatnaja mysl' - schast'e nahodit's'a tam zhe, gde ja.
Mne ne nado nikuda bezhat' i ne ob'azatel'no nichego delat',
chto by pojmat' sin'uu pticu za hvost - ona vsegda so mnoj.
Gde ja - tam horosho.

Wednesday 11/13/96
Vot tret'ja chast' zagadki.

Kogda drugoj chelovek hochet podelit's'a so mnoj problemoj, a vmesto ]togo
atakuet men'a (naprimer, na rabote, kogda chto-to sil'no ne pashet, mne
mogut skazat' chto-to tipa "Ty chto, special'no isportil ?" ili "Voobsche
nado bylo vse delat' na bumage"), ja chuvstvuju, chto oni hot'at men'a
obidet', a ne reshit' problemu. V ih slovah ja slyshu libo "Ty - plohoj
programmist", libo voobsche "Ty zhulik".

I vot tut nastupaet krutoj moment. Mne obidno. Diko obidno. I v takuju
minutu ja skoree sklonen poverit' v to, chto ih cel' - men'a zadet' i
unizit', a ne v to, chto oni ne smogli normal'no vyrazit' svoju mysl'.
Esli zhe ja pover'u v to, chto drugoj chelovek dejstvitel'no
delaet ]to so zla, u men'a uzhe ne voznikaet ni malejshego
zhelanija pomogat' drugomu ili reshat' problemu. Voznikaet bespomoschnoe
chuvstvo, kotoroe smen'aets'a agressiej.
Posle ]togo u men'a vkl'uchaets'a zaschita (plohoj intent porozhdaet plohoj
intent) i togda uzhe ja mogu srovn'at' ih s zemlej nasmeshkami ili
prosabotirovat' problemu.

Prervat' ]tot zloveschij krug mozhno, esli vspomnit' v samyj otvetstvennyj
moment, chto drugoj chelovek NE zhelaet mne zla. }to trudno, no vozmozhno.
Esli ja nauchus' ]to delat', to ja smogu videt' skvoz' obidnye slova i
pomogat' drugomu cheloveku, vmesto togo chtoby vvodit' v boj ogranichennyj
kontingent i vse raznosit'.

}to, kstati, pereklikaets'a s mysl'ju ob informacionnoj i
]mocional'noj chasti obschenija.

"Prosti ih, oni sami ne znajut, chto tvor'at".
}to - mosch'.
*
Poverit' v chistotu namerenij drugih (nesmotr'a na bazarchiki)
mozhet byt' legche, esli vspomnit', chto i men'a k drugim ne
byvaet ishodno zlyh intentov, hot'a inogda drugim i dostaets'a
ot men'a.
*
Kstati, tot fakt chto ja mogu poverit' v zlo drugih i
drugie - v moe zlo sovsem neudivitelen, t.k. dazhe v svoem
dobre ja chasto ne uveren.

Thursday 11/14/96
Juzery shl'ut nam excel ili powerpoint - oni dumajut, chto drugih
formatov i ne byvaet, po]tomu nam budet legko prochest'.
My stoim vyshe - my znaem, chto formatov dofiga i umeem chitat' l'uboj.

Friday 11/15/96
Iz "Neznajki": hot'a Zelenyj gorod i Zmeevka schitali, chto drugie ne
umejut zhit' kak nado, tem ne menee sami spravl'alis' otlichno.
Poluchaets'a, chto oba sposoba pashut, i est' smysl priznat'
pravotu drugogo i ego pravo na unikal'nost'.
*
Fanzi tozhe byl nesekuren - pomnish' kak on zagnil, kogda
klassicheskaja muzyka ne ponravilas' drugim posetitel'am kafe ?
*
Primer Fear of Failure - v priemnoj sidit simpatichnyj "vuz",
stavl'u zadachu poznakomits'a, no dumaju tol'ko o tom
"Chto esli ne vyjdet ?", "Kakogo ja togda budu o sebe mnenija ?".

Podvetzhdaet, chto bazirovat' mnenie o sebe na osnove uspeha -
tirgus.

Ne znaju, kak po-anglicki zagovorit' tak zhe hucpovski, kak po-russki.
Medvezh'ja bolezn' podkatila.

Vspyvaet ujma prichin, pochemu ne nado riskovat'.
I vse kakie-to absurdnye.
*
Nachalo peregruzki - delaju interesnoe zadanie, podkidyvajut drugoe,
ne menee interesnoe. Razryvajus' i nachinaju razdrazhat's'a.
*
AOL sejchas zadelyvaets'a krutym providerom.
Remember the time when AOL claimed it was BETTER than Internet ?
Since it is now an ISP and has flat rate, it's survival is no longer political.
EVEN BETTER, IT NOW HAS TCP/IP SUPPORT - SVOI V DOSKU!

Monday 11/18/96
Takoe dlinnoe oblako v nebe, i vse dvizhets'a -
kak imperskij krejser.
*
Kstati, rabochij bazar skoree vsego poshel
imenno s ]togo - kogda poiavilos' somnenine v moih
namerenijah. K ]tomu otnos'ats'a chastye mitingi,
strogie raspisanie i dr.
It's up to mne to reverse tables i poverit'
v seb'a, raz i esche raz.
*
Kogda fokus napravlen naruzhu, ego trudno dazhe zaglushit'
muzykoj v naushnikah.
*
Strannaja realizacija: I too do the best I can with the resources
I have.
*
Otkrytie: dl'a togo, chtoby govorit' s obrazom, nuzhno ego pozvat'.
*
Dialog s obrazom:
J: Kak teb'a zovut ?
O: Panika.

J: What are you there to teach me ?
O: Patience.

J: Why did you pick this obraz ?
O: For understanding.

J: Have I talked to you before ?
O: Yes.

J: Who did you look like ?
O: Otec.

J: So, how can I find patience ?
O: Wait. And remember.
*
WWW - kliknul na link i mozhno podremat' prezhde chem on pojavit's'a.
Segodn'a chego-to pol-dn'a nosom kl'uju oves.
*
fantazija iz proshlogo:
"Pribegaet jarostnyj Strod, a ja sizhu i naigryvaju na bandzho."
Zdes' - prihod'at nedovol'ye juzery,a ja slushaju MOD i igraju
na klaviature.
*
Sonlivost' soputstvuet spokojstviju.

Tuesday 11/19/96
Pokupka deshevyh chastej na rabote, nesmotr'a na kapitaly -
primer "ne zasluzhivaju luchshe ?".
*
Kogda pristajut chto-to chinit', mozhno izvlekat' iz ]togo
pol'zu po metodu Bahtijara - naprimer ja tol'ko chto othvatil sebe
prevoshodnyj monitor.
*
Bystraja pechat', ne gl'ad'a na klaviaturu - kak igra na pianino
vo sne.
*
When in my actions I declare disbelief in lack, I notice abundance.
*
From viewpoint of lack, when people buy too much, their demands
are unreasonable, so limits should be set.
From standpoint of abundance, supply will be increased.
*
Lack peresekaets'a with fear - "esli ja voz'mu mnogo,
chto mne budet ?".
*
Ideja ravnovesija intentov pomogaet razlichit'
1ju i 2ju stepeni zla.
Moja strategija - raznaja.
V 1j stadii ja voobsche-to ni pri chem, polezno ]to chuvstvovat'.
Vo 2j chelovek zadals'a obidet' men'a i temnaja sila na ego storone -
on bezuslovno dobjets'a on uspeha. Moi zhe dejstvija... ja mogu
prizvat' temnuju i sebe na pomosch', srovn'av protivnika s zemlej...
al'ternativa ?
*
Fakt - 2ja stepen' procvetaet v brake.
*
Pritvorstvo - vstupaja v brak, kl'ast's'a v vernosti do groba,
potom muchit's'a ustarevshej kl'atvoj i izmen'at'.
*
Sledi za sil'nymi frazami tipa "mne plevat' na ... !!!" - oni
signalizirujut, chto eto sovsem naoborot.
*
"I dont let words dictate my actions,
and I would never let someone else have the power to make me angry (and
therefore be able to incite me) over a stupid word."
*
Chuvstvuju strah, chto "informacija k razmyshlenimju" ne pojdet.
So, I'll face it and keep writing! Yeah!
*
Poter'a vozduha - kogda chto-to men'a zaderzhivaet
i ja uveren that there is nothing I can do in the meantime.
Especially if delay is unexpected.

Wednesday 11/20/96
Prijatno obgon'at' r'ad mashin zastr'avshih v probke.
Priznaju.
*
Zamechaju, chto otmezhevyvanie ochen' popul'arno na Internete.
Kak tol'ko govor'at chto-to nemodnoe, srazu v skobkah opravdyvajuts'a.
STABIL'NO, VSEGDA IZVIN'AJUTS'A, KOGDA SPRASHIVAJUT O
MOPEDAH V MOTOCIKLETNOJ GRUPPE.
*
V horoshem sostojanii, vpolne mozhno pogovorit' - i temy nahod'ats'a.
Hot'a, mozhet, i ne so vsemi.
*
O, rovno god nazad, 20 nojabr'a 95 ja provel ]ksperiment
s naklonom i dostavaniem do pola!
*
Da, nigde v dnevnikah ne otrazheno, no ja gde-to letom vyhodil
iz tela - ]to kogda ja nichego ne videl i provel odnu ruku skvoz' druguju.

Prosto zakryv glaza etogo ne emuliruesh' - os'azanie-to na meste.
*
Op'at' naehal na gvozd'.
Sizhu na rabote i nachinaju zagnivat'.
Dumaju - "A kakaja mne raznica, ved' vo-vrem'a
raboty ja vse ravno ne mogu katat's'a, does it make a difference,
mashina ili moped stoit snaruzhi ? V dannyj moment, kakaja mne raznica ?"
I otvet: "Raznica takaja, chto est' zabota i ja ne mogu nichego
sdelat', chtoby priblizit' ee reshenie (hot'a i nametil plan).
Krome togo, takie chastye prokoly pahnut mistikoj i vnushajut strah
v tom, chto ]to voobsche pravil'nyj vybor."
Oh ? Znachit, poluchat' udovol'stvie - nepravil'nyj vybor ?
Tak ja vse ravno budu ego poluchat'!
*
Konflikt: Kontrol' nad udaleniem i "Ne zakryvat' glaza na problemy".
*
Ispytuvbaju novyj sposob bor'by s tormozami
na irc - momental'noe udalenie: ignore.
*
IRC neploh - est' outlet i dl'a jumora, i dl'a dobroty (i dl'a nasmeshki).
*
Vojna - krajnij sluchaj terpezha bazara v poiskah celi.
*
Povtor'aets'a sindrom 'vtorogo znakomstva' - kak kto-to (iz "vuzov")
vydelil men'a iz obschego chisla, uzhe ne takaja reakcija.
*
Obschat's'a trudno i ne hochet's'a, kogda kazhet's'a, chto tekushcee
zan'atie ochen' vazhno i men'a otvlekaejut.
A vazhno ono ne samo po sebe, a kak sredstvo uluchshit' nastroenie.
Togda vse razdrazhajut, dazhe esli ne obraschajuts'a ko mne.
Solution ?

Thursday 11/21/96
Kak sohran'at' radost', kogda kto-to ee ne razdel'aet ?
Vozmozhno, reshenie - v baldezhe, ne sprashivaja sankcij.
*
Ja udivl'ajus', kogda uznaju, chto kto-to interesuets'a tem zhe, chto i ja.
Mozhet po]tomu ja udivils'a, chto vstretil v magazine dvuh juzerov Interneta,
hot'a ih dolzhno byt' prud prudi.
*
Projavlenie interesa k tomu, chem chelovek zanimaets'a
mozhet privesti k dolgomu, zan'atnomu razgovoru, ne sv'azannomu s rabotoj.
Primer - pochtal'on v World Cycle.
*
Phenomenology - filosofija o tom, chto mir suschestvuet tol'ko
v vosprijatii.
*
Programmy kotorye ja ne l'ubl'u, no sohran'aju vprok -
avos' ponadob'ats'a. Tozhe tipa uvazhenija: "Ad govorit, chto horoshaja
programma, navernoe ja chto-to nedogl'adel" ili "Stol'ko starals'a,
downloadil, a teper' udal'u ?".

Pohozhe, chto zdes' nel'z'a vyvesti formulu.
Poprobuem dejstvovat' po impul'su.
*
Chto delat' s impul'som, esli on mozhet privesti k peregruzke ?
*
Idei:
1) Parallel' mezhdu pam'at'ju i poiskom po Altaviste -
neobhodimo kl'uchevoe slovo (associacija), chtoby najti (vspomnit').
2) I esche Excite - feed it page with problem or thoughts and do 'like this'
search.
*
Mozhno posmotret' na mclip i prosledit' obratno hod mysli.
*
"... to pay the price of physical decay demanded by the dark side."
Confirmed - temnaja razrushaet iznutri.

"Perhaps the dark side was the most unforgiving Master of all"
*
Sposob izbezhat' spora: vyrazit' vidom nezainteresovannost'.
Jurik skazal, chto ]to metod }ntropii.
I dejstvitel'no, kogda mne chto-to tolkajut, vo chto ja
sovershenno ne vrubajus' ili ne hochu dumat' ob ]tom,
generiruets'a msg nezainteresovannosti.

Tot chto fakt, chto metod ispol'zuets'a }ntropiej, ne delaet ego plohim.
Metod nejtralen, vse zavisit ot pol'zovatel'a.

Primer associcii.
Krivoj Nozh. Link na rasskazy o razbojnikah.
Ocenka: ploho.
Polezno v celom, no mozhet iskazit' mnenie, esli
link is followed automatically. Togda ocenka smeshaets'a
s predmetom.

J: Eto vse ravno, chto sudit' o hoz'aine sajta po
vneshenmu linku s ego stranicy.
*
"Skywalker would not suspect
a thing. It was, of course, his fault that Palpatine faced this
dangerous necessity. Skywalker had driven him to seek survival within"
Blame.
*
"By itself, the dark side is a thing of
chaos and irrationality. (ENTROPY!) It has no control, no conscience, no
restraint. But domination is its goal. There is a bargain to be made
with it. It gives you power and exacts its price. In order to let the
power flow through you, you must let the destructive emotions flow
through you."

"When rage leads directly to results, a sense of the omnipotence of
expressed rage grows."

"Second by second, fear began to grow
inside Zelotes, like a living thing that was born there and was eating
his will in order to increase in size."

Pestage govorit Imperatoru:
"But you may yet learn. In life, I worshipped your glory, but now
I see it has its limits. The Force, the All, is one, my son. You feel only a
part of the whole."

"The way of the dark side was the way of
isolation, of personal aggrandizement at the expense of all other
relationships."
Entropija, polnaja vn'eshn'aja svoboda vedet k odinochestvu.

Friday 11/22/96
Chitaju pochtu. Expectation - vot esli by poluchut' mail ottuda ili
ots'uda, to...
Prichem obychno ottuda-to ja mail poluchaju, kogda ne zhdu.
What about positive anticipation ?
*
Looking for resources - postav' zadachu, a zatem ogl'adi kak mozhno
bol'she mest - something just might trigger the imagination and bingo!
Be open to neordinarnye ways of use.
*
Inogda rezul'tat men'a ne toropit i ja dazhe nahozhu udovol'stvie
v tschatel'nosti.

Knizhka pro neo-nacistov: Svideteli Iegovy rastili detej v strahe.
Gnev i agressija posledovali.
*
Researching info for somebody leads to new keyword and
very good new info!
For example, I was loking for Ottawa Moped owners and found info on Whizzer!
Now I can find those who were looking for Whizzers and tell them!

Monday 11/25/96
Zaschitnaja reakcija voznikaet momental'no kogda
chelovek, sklonnyj k tomu chtoby sudit', sprashivaet
men'a, chem ja zanimals'a.

Stereotip voznikaet, kak sposob voobshe izbezhat' obschenija s ]tim
chelovekom.
Odnako, pod sferu dejstvija stereotipa popadajut i mnogie drugie,
k kotorym ]to vovse ne otnosit's'a.
Naprimer, ja tol'ko chto chut' ne ustanovil stereotip "S hristianami
nevozmozhno razgovarivat'". Otnosit's'a konkretno k odnomu cheloveku, no
ohhatyvaet milliony drugih vmeste s nej.
*
Chto delat', kogda prisylajut anekdoty,
a mne nrav'ats'a ne vse ?
Mozhet ih v Arhiv buhat' ?
Ved' delo v chem - s odnoj storony "chelovek starals'a,
nel'z'a zhe tak", s drugoj, kakogo rozhna ja budu publikovat'
vse podr'ad, dazhe ne smeshnoe ?
Mozhno na ]to tak smotret' - esli
ja sejchas otlozhu ]to delo, mail budet u men'a viset',
poka ne dostanet. Togda ja ego krahnu i voobsche nichego
ne pomeschu. I avtoru budet huzhe, chem esli ja opublikuju chastichno.

Op'at' zhe, ne obidit's'a li, chto popal v sekciju
"luchshie iz hudshih" ?
*
Podtverzhdenie moej teorii veschej:
"Machinery does what it was built to do. Nothing more, nothing
less. If it fails, it's somebody else's fault. It's nothing personal, so
don't kick it and don't get mad at it. What you have to do is put yourself
in it's brake shoes. Is the oil-pressure gone? Well--you have to ask
yourself--how would you like to eat a hard-boiled egg that's been rolled
in sand? You see, you can "feel" its pain."
*
Pri neozhidannom perehode ot nehvatki k izobiliju, }ntropija govorit
"Kak ty so vsem ]tim spravish's'a ?".
*
Sila - ja inogda otlichaju prisutstvie l'udej za moej spinoj.
Naprimer, vhodit nachal'nik, dazhe nikakih zvukov ne izdal,
a ja znaju, chto ]to on.
*
Otmezhevyvanie mozhet sluzhit' zaschitoj, kogda
k moim slovam ne projavl'ajut interesa.

Tuesday 11/26/96
Konflikt - ideja prihodit, zapisat' len', a ne zapisat' stydno.

Dvojakoe chuvstvo, kogda ischu moped na Alte - lose-lose -
libo nichego novogo, libo kto-to operedeil men'a v spiske.
(Legko videt', chto s tem zhe uspehom ]to mozhno rassmotret' i kak win-win).
*
Lazat' po starym, neispol'zovannym zakladkam - vse ravno chto
delat' uborku.
*
Uprazhnenije dl'a uspokoenija: projti kruzhok vokrug
offisa.
GLAVNOE - DVIZHENIE DOLZHNO BYT' NECELENAPRAVLENNYM.

Wednesday 11/27/96
Primer dokazatel'stva pravoty:
zvon'at, govor'at, chto dzhust ne v NL. Govor'at - pochini.
Lezu, smotr'u - on tam. Mog by skazat' - por'adok, no
esche zahotelos' pripech', deskat' on i tak tam byl.

"I hate it when people stereotype me, when they don't listen and just sum me
up the same way I'd unconsciously summed up Bob: gas-station attendant. No
one to take notice of. It slapped my consciousness awake. Maybe that's the
way I can look at people as I travel in America. As breakers of
stereotypes, as surprises. All of us different, unique, and indefinable."

"Similarly, it is ever so difficult to resist grabbing something that you
know is going to fall off. Perhaps a plastic instrument cover, a side
mirror, a wire flapping loose, a map blowing away. It's against nature, and
underneath it all you realize that these things are worth less than the risk
of damage or death, and that taking a hand off the grip to catch that
something you could go back for, or buy another of, is just not worth it."

"Already I was beginning to slip into deep-thought mode. I've never quite
been able to meditate, and I think the closest I get to it is when I'm
riding on country roads. My active mind is busy with the details of bumps,
curves, and engine noise. But somewhere underneath is a smooth track of
thought that works itself deeper and deeper into a groove, a downward spiral
onto a higher plane."

O krovi:
"Is it somehow necessary to view such spectacles in order to confirm that we
are alive? The adrenalin rush, the horror, the despair, the elation? What
other events allow us to experience such an intensity of emotion, other than
death?"

"You know, you buy into the system, you're
making money, and one day you realize that they've really GOT you.
You're captured."

"I think he doesn't talk much about himself, which made me curious.
Strange how attractive that is. I found myself being pulled in, trying to
figure him out."

O, ]ta pacashka chjitaet Emersona. To-to ja i smotr'u.

"I've known a few people who've given up most of their possessions. I do
remember feeling rather naked in their homes, with no toys, or the
"screens" possessions provide. I remember a discomfort, but also the joy
of distractionless conversations. I remember them letting the phone ring
in favor of present company, and I remember thinking that I'd like to try
living that way."

"When you have come to the edge of all of the light that you know, and you
are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing
one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on,
or you will be taught how to fly."

"I ward off danger by saying to myself that people are basically nice, that
I'm competent to ride and fix my machine, that natural disasters are rare.
It works, I think, because people are reluctant to be mean to someone who
wants things to work out well."

"But I've worked out what fear means. It means False Evidence Appearing
Real."

"The day I went to buy the bike there was this Russian Ural and you. Part
of my trip around the world will be through Russia, and you were leaving
the same day. When you do what you really want to do, the universe
cooperates."

"Following instincts is what this trip is about. For a long time I've made
decisions based on what others expect. I'm a free spirit but sometimes I
get sidetracked and a lot of what this trip is about is following my
intuition."

About trip:
"I told him that most people didn't think I
should do it at all.
"Why not?" he shrugged. "I'd do it in a second. And you're
resourceful."

"I fluctuate between confidence and uncertainty, and just then I needed
reassurance. That, or confirmation of my unstable state-of-mind from
someone of like mind."

"When it's time to go, it's just time to go," he said.


"When you're stuck somewhere with nothing to do, waiting for someone to show
up, every minute they are late is either an irritation or something to worry
about."

Engine:
"And it all works until it gets old or is deprived of
something it needs to continue. Just like us."

Pro spletni:
"There's no trouble you can get me into," he insisted. "Besides, I'm having
fun, and they're bored and silly. Let them talk."

"So now I know how guys feel when they have to go home and they don't want
to. When they would rather be sitting around in a garage, greasy, fixing
something, riding it around, making jokes, drinking beers -- when girls seem
a huge interruption necessary only because of something so tedious as a
previous commitment."

Ee motocikl lomaets'a i ona nachinaet nenavidet' Kanadu, gde ]to proishodit.

"And I wondered, not for the first time, What is this obsession with speed?
Everyone agrees that it's great I'm taking back roads and not freeways.
That it's great I'm not trying to break time and distance records. But no
one else seems to want to do it."

Fokus:
"As I rode, my eyes were drawn to a certain kind of sign. Antique-hounds
see Garage Sale and Flea Market signs. Farmers see signs that say Tractors and
Feed, and mechanics see Small Engine Repair"
VO, JA TOZHE VIZHU GARAGE SALE ZA KILOMETR :}

Friday 11/29/96
"... no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No,
not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything--you can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is is kill him."
*
Judging mozhet sluzhit' kak sposob prekratit' razmyshlenie
o predmete - s'jev ego s g**nom ja kak by prinizhaju ego
vazhnost' => mozhno ne dumat'.
Pobochnyj ]ffekt - nastroenie portit's'a i tema vse ravno lezet v boshku.
*
"They were asking directions and he was explaining in French that he didn't
speak English. Each time he explained they would ask again in a louder
voice. (Amazing how some people think that volume has something to do with
understanding.)"

Monday 12/02/96
Lajf was gud tu mi - moja spina spasla men'a ot fizkul'tury i armii.
}to bylo sovsem neploho!
Zabolevanie tipa krasnuhi - pofig, a polezno.
*
Matrichnyj printer napevaet meloddiju i ja nasvistyvaju vmeste s nim.
*
Mysli v horoshem nastroenii
a) Est' chem zan'at's'a
b) Est' drugie mopedalers!
*
Associacii drugih - naprimer Presli i Zoloto Makeny dl'a mamy.
Tozhe ne tak dorogi sami, kak to, s chem oni sv'zany.
*
Podavlenie dobrogo impuls'a - bojazn' rutiny. "Chto zh ja, kazhdyj raz
budu ]to delat' ? Gde ]lement neozhidannosti ".
No ved', gde est' rutina, tam pochti net impuls'a.
Tam chistyj autopilot.
Ili zhe ]ntropija pritvor'aets'a impuls'ami, kogda v dushe temno ?
Ved' Fiks - master pereodevat's'a. Naprimer temnaja shutka - tozhe vrode
impul's, tol'ko na samom dele Temnaja skazala svoe slovo.

"Cliches and stereotypes such as ``beatnik'' or ``hippie'' have been
invented for the antitechnologists, the antisystem people, and will
continue to be."
O!
*
"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a
digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at
the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower. To think otherwise
is to demean the Buddha...which is to demean oneself."

"I argued that physical discomfort is important
only when the mood is wrong. Then you fasten on to whatever thing is
uncomfortable and call that the cause. But if the mood is right, then
physical discomfort doesn't mean much."


"I hope later she will see and feel a
thing about these prairies I have given up talking to others about; a
thing that exists here because everything else does not and can be
noticed because other things are absent. She seems so depressed
sometimes by the monotony and boredom of her city life, I thought
maybe in this endless grass and wind she would see a thing that
sometimes comes when monotony and boredom are accepted. It's here, but
I have no names for it."

"explore it a little, to see if in that strange separation of what man is
from what man does we may have some clues as to what the hell has gone wrong
in this twentieth century."

"When you want to hurry something, that
means you no longer care about it and want to get on to other things."
*
Pochemu by ne sozdat' svoe uchenie - "zajcizm" ili "zajchivizm".
Dzen-Zajcizm.
*
Zan'atno, Pola vorchiut, chto ne mozhet vlezt' v 'svoj' komp'juter,
hot'a
a) Luchshij komp po pravu prinadlezhit ej
b) On dazhe ne ispol'zuem, prosto za tem stulom sidzh'at

Tuesday 12/03/96
Dumat', chto ves' mir protiv men'a - znachit schitat', chto vseh ostal'nyh
sdelali iz odnoj bolvanki, togda kak men'a vystrugali otdel'no.
Chto vozmozhno tol'ko esli u men'a est' special'nyj status vo Vselennoj,
vyshe vseh. A esli tak, s tem zhe uspehom mozhno schitat', chto mir
ZA men'a.
A esli net, esli kazhdyj byl sdelan po unikal'noj merke, poluchaets'a,
chto ni protiv kogo net zagovora.
*
Zamusorivanie diska - snachala ogromnoe fajly kladut's'a tuda bez
somnenij - disk-to bol'shoj! A potom ja zabyvaju, chto kakoj-to fajl
sjedaet 20% i muchajus', kak by osvobodit' mesto.
*
Modest Mitrofanovich - primer togo, kak sredi chudes mozhno
ostavat's'a materialistom. Trudno predstavit' chudo, kotoroe
ego izmenit.
}to k razgovoru "Ja pover'u v Silu/Boga, kogda uvizhu dokazatel'stva".
*
Zastr'al v Zen & MM - uzh bol'no on zabral's'a v debri - ja bol'she
ne chuvstvuju psihologicheskij relevance => mne stanovit's'a neinteresno.
Propustit' ? Pozhaluj, ved' al'ternativa- voobsche zabrosit'.
*
Konflikt: s odnoj storony ja sklonen poprobovat' i brosit'.
S drugoj, govor'at "don't get attached to the result".

Wednesday 12/04/96
No wonder advocacy gruppy tak sil'ny - kuda-to zhe dolzhna
byt' napravlena sila. To chto ne idet vnutr', idet v mir.
Mozhet nenuzhnost' = oschuschenie bespoleznogo potenciala ?
*
Flowing rabotaet klassno - momental'no vizhu sledujuschij shag.
Tol'ko men'a tomit to, chto ja uzhe znaju ego, no esche ne delaju.
*
Implementiruju ideju Jurika: HTML v MS Excel i po hodu dumaju:
"Ved' ne ocen'at!".
Pri ]tom, do togo, kak ja nachal voobsche byl bazar - nenuzhnost',
nechego delat'.
Sejchas luchshe, no ]ntropija ne dremlet.
*
Chuvstvuju ?styd?, chto pishu tol'ko na REXX.
"Sona govorit, poet i kushaet tol'ko po-francuzski!"
*
Obez'jana na stole - Inerrupt Pattern. U nee takaja zabavnaja rozhica,
chto trudno serdit's'a, gl'ad'a na nee.

Thursday 12/05/96
Zhelanie zabezhat' vpered i pereskochit' na sledujuschij task
mozhet oznachat', chto tekuschij idet uspeshno i vozmozhno,
blizok k zaversheniju.
*
-/LINK9 - o tom kak izvlekat' pol'zu iz obschenija.
(kruto - ja vidno ran'she do ]togo doper - komanda poiska
v stroke, ja delaju A-S i poisk idet iz cmdline).
-/LINK10 - upbeat.
-/LINK11 - klassno i do sih por neoprobovano (otr reakcija
na proval, kotorogo ne bylo. Razve chto s Keti. I s Lapshoj.
COmmon denomnator - oni mne obe ne ochen' nravilis').
*
Mozhno mopednye progulki opisyvat' - to li v
chronicles, to li v volnu (srazu vizhu minusy -
odnim trudnee rasskazyvat', drugim trudnee vrubit's'a,
v chem kajf. K tomu zhe, tam, naverno i sejchas por'adok
s mopedami).
*
Bog/Celtnieks/Duh - klassnyj termin!
*
-/LINK12 - "rabota v oblasti iskusstva".
-/LINK13 - vot tak nado!
-/LINK14 - impul's i drugie l'udi.
-/LINK15 - jakor'
-/LINK16 - ja v taske

Chuvstvuju spor: "Chego perechityvat', ved' ran'she tebe ]to ne pomoglo!"
No ved' ja vizhu novoe v slovah, dazhe v svoih.
I potom, sv'az' mezhdu uznavaniem i vospominaniem.
-/LINK17 - zabavnoe primenenie upravlenija pam'at'ju/vosprijatiem
-/LINK18 - klasnyj termin
-/LINK19 - huliganstvo prodolzhaets'a
-/LINK20 - 'know outcome'
-/LINK21 - jakor'a at their best
-/LINK22 - teorija ]ntropii, kak VNESHNEGO vraga
Doesn't ring that right anymore.
Po-moemu ja v kakoj-to moment ispugals'a vneshnego vraga,
perestal verit' v to, chto ego mozhno pobedit'.
Osobenno, kogda okazalos', chto taki umeet obuchat's'a.
-/LINK23 - sekret samokontrol'a
-/LINK24 - riding high
-/LINK25 - "ne poddals'a ]ntropii"
-/LINK26 - personal'nyj magnetizm
-/LINK27 - religija seb'a
-/LINK28 - novye metody obschenija - kak izbezhat' poisk odobrenija
-/LINK29 - dejstvitel'no li mne nuzhno soglasie ?
-/LINK30 - "sostojanie bezuderzhnogo kajfa"
-/LINK31 - obschenie++
-/LINK32 - KAK pomogat' drugim, "neproshenye uslugi"
-/LINK33 - Kakie www stranicy - poleznye
-/LINK34 - krutye idei asfal'tnogo filosofa
-/LINK35 - spokojstvie sredi haosa
-/LINK36 - pol'za drugih l'udej
-/LINK37 - note the 2nd part
-/LINK38 - novyj smysl soobschenij na holde
-/LINK39 - 'will to love'
-/LINK41 - slowing down at kbd
*
Porazsmylim o sv'azi mezhdu tem, chto mne nuzhno
i tem chto dajut. Naprimer, v emaile.
Malo pochty - tosklivo.
Mnogo - peregruzka.
Just right - perehodit libo v malo po mere otveta
libo v mnogo po mere togo kak vdohnovenie istoschilos',
a eshce mnogo neotvechgennoj. Lose-lose.
Alternativnyj vzgl'ad ?
Malo - legko otvetit', sidi sebe i nichego ne delaj.
Mnogo - dolgo budet chto pochitat'.
Kl'uchevoj moment - mozhno otvechat' potihon'ku, ne na vse
srazu (vprochem, mne ]to eshe ni razu ne udavalos').

Podtekst togo, kak ja smotr'u na 'receiving': 'stoju li ja
togo, chtoby mne prisylali pochtu ?'. Brr!
Eto gde-to bylo - nosit' svoju samoocenku na rukave.
*
http://www.frii.com/~daine/s-index.html - spiritual pahthways.
http://www.rfl.com/emotions.html
http://www.rfl.com/tools/energy.html
*
Perebivanie - impul's, flowing => bogatyj razgovor,
esli prinimaets'a normal'no i rashir'aet scope.
Ne so vsemi tak i ne vsegda.
*
Vera v men'a i predlozhenie vmeste reshit' problemu motiviruet.
Somnenie v moih sposobnost'ah tormozit po strashnomu!
Dazhe esli ]to delaets'a v m'agkoj forme, nichut' ne menee gnilo.

Vot tebe i horoshij hint po povodu togo, kak motivirovat' seb'a.
*
Esche odno podtverzhdenie togo, chto
*
Mysli v horoshem sostojanii
1) Link - pesn'a "Come, celebrate".
*
Phone room, komp SUPER be butils'a, resetnul i
napravil v kbd }nergiju L'ubvi. Zarabotal!

Monday 12/09/96
Men'a dostaet reklama na zadnej stranice iworlda - kazhdyj mes'ac
odinakovaja fign'a, i vse napirajut, chto kto-to
u nih sgruzil plany po marketingu. Kakomu hakeru nuzhny durackie plany
po marketingu ?!
Net, oni uporno ispol'zujut slovo haker.
S tem zhe uspehom mozhno valit' v odnu kuchu vseh, kto umeet pol'zovat's'a
oruzhiem - i biatloncev, i ubijc.
*
Bezdarnost' men'a tozhe razdrazhaet.
Mozhet oni special'no tupuju reklamu sdelali, shob ee otricatel'no
zapominali ?
Mozhet delo ne v neg assoc, a v tom, chto kogda ih produkt popadets'a
mne na glaza, ja budu dumat', chto gde-to o nem slyshal ?
*
Primer "Sovrat' vo im'a spasenija" - kak v fil'me "Stalin" Leninu
davali sfabrikovannye gazety.

Kstati, Stalin - ]to krajnij primer - k ]tomu stremit's'a
]ntropija, trebuja vseobschego odobrenija.
Ikogda ]to dostignuto, okazyvaets'a, chto nastojaschih druzej
uzhe net i dover'at' nekomu.
*
File 87 was 2100 when I moved it off to local drive.
The new one is growing and I never looked at its size since.
A hochet's'a.

Tuesday 12/10/96
Reshenie problemy:
Ch pojavl'aets'a, nemedlenno ispravit' ne mogu.
Nado zhdat'.
In the meantime, est' drugoj poleznyj podhod, no tut uzh
pojavl'aets'a bojazn, chto drugih zadenet.
Naprimer sejchas, do chetverga ja pochinit' zamok v Targe ne smogu,
podumal, ne pozvnonit' li strahovym kompanijam, otvet - "Tak ty zh
na rabote, kak mozhno ?".
Immobilizacija sleduet. Esli dazhe vazhnym delom nel'z'a zan'at's'a,
to kak mozhno tratit' vrem'a na chto-to drugoe ?
Ladno, dogovorilis', chto straham aj pozvon'u posle 5
(esli budut otbrehivat's'a pro homeowner's policy, mozhno razuznat', chto
]to za zver').

"Wail, wail, screech, wail, howl, honk, squeak went the bagpipes,
increasing the Captain's already considerable pleasure at the
thought that any moment now they might stop. That was something
he looked forward to as well."

Wednesday 12/11/96
Collecting bad info may be predlog for inaction.
To zhe Rozhdetsvo - mrachnaja pesenka 'shopping every day'
u men'a sozdaet associaciju.

To est', vozmozhno, op'at' rech' o pravil'nosti vybora.
Tot zhe C - ja na nem ne pishu i nichego horoshego vspomnit'
ne mogu, tol'ko to, chto tam pam'at' nezaschischennaja.
*
Kogda son ne l'usiden, slabost' mozhet kazat's'a takoj estestvennoj
v konfrontacii - kak budto ona baziruets'a na dejstvitel'nom fizicheskom
zakone.. but it doesn't!
*
Total'no klassnye produkty ne vyzyvajut takoj isterii, kak
slegka dolbanutye. Primer 4DOS & KEDIT - vysshij klass, otnoshenie spokojnoe.
GEOWORKS, DESQVIEW - s b'akami, fanatstvo politicheskogo tolku.
(Podozrenie - ]to sluchajno ne naezd na mopedy ?).
*
Mockery is a defence against supernatural.
And damned good defence at that.
*
Primer togo, chto znachenie Pain&Pleasure perekor'abano - te kto za den'gi
ubivaet (soldaty) - slavny, a te kto za den'gi daet udovol'stvie (dzhigalo) -
pozorny.

Thursday 12/12/96
For each (my interest) find somebody who shares it, a to, naprimer,
sejchas, kupil novuju knigu Duglasa Adamsa, a pohvastat's'a-to i nekomu.
Sebe razve chto.
"Ja kupil knigu!"
"Ura."
*
Otkazals'a ot biletov, kotorye predlagal shef. Chuvstvuju seb'a
vinovatym, chto ne uvazhil. Interesno, est' li pravil'naja
reakcija, chtob potom horosho seb'a chuvstvovat'.
Kogda bral, byl dovol'no spokoen, vr'a.
*
Kogda nachinaet delo nadoedat' - brosat' srazu, poka ne
otlozhilos' v pam'ati, kak skuchnoe zan'atie ?
*
Zubnye:
a) Izobresti plombu, kotorye mozhno rasplavl'at' sostavom.
b) Reverse reakciju zatverdenija.
*
Chitaju neo-tech site.
Govorit, chto vrem'a svoe voz'met - ]to verno.
No potom on valit Linkol'na v odnu kuchu s Napoleonom - ???

Kstati, polnoe nazvanie - neotech objectivisim- related to Rand ?

Chitaju, poka ne v'jezhaju, chego on neset.

Zaschischaet biznesmenov - pohozhe na Rand.
Stabil'no, polno hitov pro Rand. Pohozhe, chto oni schitajut seb'a
"sledujsuchim shagom". Tol'ko poka oni ne zvuchat tak kruto, kak ona.
Slovo 'heroic' - znakomo.

Bol'no mnogo rugaets'a. "Criminal parasites" - ne pohozhe, chtoby
on iskal pravdu.

Protiv anarhii Useneta vystupil. Nu sovsem zavrals'a, kozel.
Nachinaju zlit's'a.
A nu ego na fig. Chitat' protivno.
Predstavl'aju - prisoedinit's'a k takim bigotam - t'fu!
Pohuzhe scientologii budet. Te hot' na fasade pytalis'
kazat's'a horoshimi.
*
Parallel': vneshn'aja svoboda - DOS. Nav'azannaja odnozadachnost' i prostota.
*
Ford Prefect:
"An SEP," he said, "is something that we can't see, or don't see,
or our brain doesn't let us see, because we think that it's
somebody else's problem. That's what SEP means. Somebody Else's
Problem. The brain just edits it out, it's like a blind spot. If
you look at it directly you won't see it unless you know
precisely what it is. Your only hope is to catch it by surprise
out of the corner of your eye."
***
"The Somebody Else's Problem field is much simpler and more
effective, and what's more can be run for over a hundred years on
a single torch battery. This is because it relies on people's
natural disposition not to see anything they don't want to,
weren't expecting, or can't explain."
*
Bojus', chto Shurik ostanet's'a nepochinennym, a tut slomaets'a
Targa i vse.
SPOKUHA, PROSHLO BOLS'HE MES'ACA, A Targa - TIP-TOP.
I SHURIK POCHINIM, GL'ADISH' JA LITERATUROJ ZATOVARILS'A.

Friday 12/13/96
Slovo 'crash' - neg assoc.
*
Zhelanie chto-to delat' propadaet, kogda ]to bespolezno.
Naprimer, mne neohota konvertirovat' at&t 800 dir, potomu
chto v nej hren chto najdesh'

Saturday 12/14/96
"On one hand, we have to develop our economy," said Tang Fengming. "On the
other hand, there needs to be control. In China you often have this balance
of opposites."
Konflikt.
A vnutri kak ?
Tozhe ved' ja zhutko bojus' upustit' iz-pod kontrol'a
to, chto proishodit snaruzhi, bojas' za vnutrennij mir.
*
Konflikt - hochu podelit's'a skriptom...
bojus', chto nikomu nme ponravit's'a
a s drugoj storony bojus', chto budet slishkom mnogo
hitov i korejcy peregruz'at's'a (kak r/a slovar' nalryls'a).
Ladno, davaj otberem narodnyj dostup, polozhim link v otdel'nyj URL.
Gotovo.
A teper' dumaju: "Kakogo cherta, tam i tak des'atki tys'ach juzerov!".
Mozhno v vide kompromisa linkanut'... hot'a on i tak linkanut v BOOK/MUZON.

Monday 12/16/96
"Na seb'a posmotri" na samom dele dolzhno oznachat'
ne "Sam durak", a "Ischi reshenie v sebe".

Tuesday 12/17/96
Men'a motoviruet to, chto kto-to prodolzhaet
tolkat' glupuju ideju, togda kak moja, luchshaja,
rzhaveet, potomu chto mne ee bylo ]ntropijno otlazhivat'.

Sejchas ja vorchu, chto streaminbg audio ne vsegda pashet.
A ran'hshe, MOD play i men'a szhiral polovinu resursov pod DV
i v OS/2 tol'ko MIDI rabotal (hot'a horosho RABOTAL, I have to admit...
speaking of which, there well may be MIDI routines in IBM REXX!)

Chuvstvuju stesnenie, kogda nachinaju diko taschit's'a
ot detskoj ili klassicheskoj pl'ushki.
If nothing else, oni diko napominajut o detstve. Prichem
polozhitel'no napominajut.

K slovu o metafizike - dvazhdy ja zabyval vkl'uchit'
budil'nik - v pervyj raz ja sam prosnuls'a bez 10 chas,
a segodn'a rovno v to zhe vrem'a mne pozvonili iz AOL.

O vazhnosti - nothing has meaning aside from meaning I give to it.

Otnoshenie men'aets'a mezhdu tem kak ja nashel horoshuju pl'ushku
i kak ja hochu linkanut' ee i podelit's'a ej s narodom.

Wednesday 12/18/96
Neustojchivoe ravnovesie -
lenivo rabotat' i stydno lenit's'a.
Pohakiruem ?
*
Trudno taschit's'a, kogda r'adom kto-to ug'rumit.

Kogda absol'tuno net otzyvov, mozhno tolkovat' ih v svoju
pol'zu i, naprimer, murlykat' pod muzyku.

Thursday 12/19/96
Dali AOLovskoe zadanie i ja volnujus' o competition.
Note:
a) Ja pon'atija nme imeju, est' li oni i esli da,
to chto delajut.
b) Otkrovenno govor'a, men'a ne ochen'-to stebet - dazhe
esli nam ne dadut kontrakt, ]to ne budet iz-za men'a.
Ja v por'adke.
*
Kstati, eshe odin paradoks - bojazn', chto men'a
ne priznajut kak hakera i v to zhe vrem'a strah, chto za
mnoj vedets'a pristal'noe nabl'udnie, kak za opasnym haker'ugoj.
*
Improving - vysoko v moem spiske cennostej.
Vvodit' mehanicheski odinakovuju chushku den' za dnem
dl'a men'a nevynosimo, mne ob'azatel'no nado uprostit'
i ulucshit'. Haking.
Tipa kak Vintik i Shpuntik na kuhne - obed svarit' tak i ne uspeli,
no sdelali ujmu vazhnyh otkrytij.
*
Konflikt - esli ne sostavit' plan, zabegaju vpered,
a esli sostavit', unyvaju, kak mnogo ostalos' do konca.
*
A mozhet mehanicheskij vvod srodni l'ubomu mehanicheskomu dejstviju => vyzyvaet meditativnoe sostojanie i krutye mysli ?
*
Znanie, chto sledujushcij shag nichut' ne kruche tekuschego
neskol'ko pomogaet ot speshki.
*
Vazhno idti vpered, a ne pochivat' na lavrah.
No amount of former zaslug daet vechnyj kajf - kak v muzyke,
tak i v hakinge.
*
Net takoj l'ubvi, kotoraja dast zhelanie zanimat's'a
chores do konca zhizni.
Imi mozhno ohotno i kreativno zanima's'a, poka est' podderzhka
i motivacija. Kogda oni ischezajut, oni prevraschajuts'a
v jarmo.
*
Ja s REXXom obraschajus' kak gunslinger so svoim kol'tom.
*
Ja ne mogu kontrolirovat', nad chem vdrug l'ud'am zahochet's'a
porzhat' - vspomni chudika iz "Dobroe utro, V'etnam", kotoryj
lez iz kozhi von, dokazyvaja drugim, chto "}to ne smeshno!".
*
Esche, u men'a neterpenie k nekachestvennomu jumoru.
Smotr'u na sajt NetWitts. Parasha, srodni samomu Comedy Central.
A pomnish' vcherashnego Jonny Carsona ? Bred'atina!

Po]tomu kachestvennye pl'ushki osobenno klassny - tipa CarTalk!
*
Primer expection - amadeus.mid, ja dumal, chto budet Falco,
vrubil, ne on, razozlils'a i vykluchil...
a teper' ne tol'ko okazalos', chto horoshaja pl'uha,
but IT IS Falco after all!
*
Tom i Ray chast upominajut l'ubov' k mashine.

Friday 12/20/96
Razdrazhenie - directing of energy at object other than
real source of disturbance.

Tuesday 12/24/96
Kogda moi programmy dolzhny rabotat' perfektno, chtob ja seb'a
horosho seb'a chuvstvoval, ne udivitel'no, chto ja hochu
total'nyj kontrol'.
*
Postupil novyj otzyv na l'usidnyju stranicu.
Zadacha, kotoruju ja sebe postavil letom - podelit's'a l'ud'mi
tem, chem ja gorzhus' most - L'usidom - uspeshno vypol'naet's'a,
hot'a in short range it seemed like I failed.
*
I feel guilty when I don't feel same interest/excitement
as somebody else.
*
K voprosu o "polozhis' na vdohnovenie" - related to
"strah, chto pridet beda, a ja ostanus' v 10%m sostojanii".
*
Klaviatura na kolen'ah - kakoj kajf!
}ta jaraja podstavka stala zlostnoj strukturoj, pozdravl'am.
Kstati, ja nichego ne napisal pro Zlostnye Struktury v MYSLI.HTM,
mozhno budet kak-mibud' podelit's'a. Esli zahochet's'a.

Thursday 12/26/96
Mysli v horoshem nastyroenii:
1) Pomn'u o nevazhnosti problem, takih kak barahl'aschaja programma.
*
Speaking of progress, stop and look how far file search has advanced
since the days of Archie.
*
Smotrim 87, kakogo cherta!
Staryy: 2171.
+ novyj: 2417
Total: 4588!
J**anyj h*j.
Daaa.
*
Of judgement - what's the point of skying somebody
just because his love energy is directed elsewhere...
interesno, mozhno li ]to primenit' i k "uchebe" ?
Ja poka dumal tol'ko v smysle tehniki.
*
Prep'atstvijsa zl'at, kodga dobroe im'a postavleno na kartu v dele
bystrogo reshenija zadachi.
*
Kogda kto-to pomogaet mne, naprimer v masterskoj, mne tozhe
hochets'a vyvalit' na nego vse problemy srazu.
Parallel' s juzerami - kogda oni ]to delajut, ja otkl'uchaju preryvanija
vvoda/vyvoda.
*
Chitaju elucid - tam est' krutye oboroty, kotoryh
net v russkoj versii! (I konechyno, vajsa vejsa).

Napishi, chto ja-taki smotrel cherez keyhole v L'uside!
*
Flowing in lucid dream - "let them arrest me and I'll see what happens".

Friday 12/27/96
Conf - uroven' paniki obratno proporconalen urovn'u znanij
(gotovnosti). Juzery panikujut vsegda, kogda im nado chto-to sdelat'
na kompe, dazhe esli ]to prosto i ne predstavl'aet nikakih problem.
*
Flow with people.
*
Stranicu kuda trudnee obnovl'at', kuda u nee - konkretnaja cel' -
a lot of editing going on => dazhe neohota sv'azyvat's'a.

Saturday 12/28/96
Is quoting of zakon prichin i sledstvij a good reason to strike back ?
For example the moron at on moped shop, who hung up on me -
his shop is excluded from my page.
*
Ku - vspomnil, kak mne ponravilas' Valerikina dochka.
Milaja.
*
Chitaju CNET poll results - kak tol'ko bol'shinstvo nesoglasnbo
s moim mneniem - srazu ter'aju dyhanie.
*
If self-worth depends on success, avtopilot will:
a) Avoid trying new stuff
b) Would do it if forced to and then try to refrain from checking
if it worked properly.
*
Ja mog by delat' vse raboty, sv'azannyh s kompom luchshe,
chem ih delajut pacashki. No, mne lenivo delat' to, chem
ezhednevno majuts'a oni.
Razve chto avtomatizirovat' vse v z**pu, do upora.
*
T'aga k vneshnemu konrol'u obratno proporcional'na
vnutrennej sile.
(exclude teh, kto voobsche nikakogo kontrol'a
uzhe ne zhelaet i prosto p'et).
*
Sposobnost' prekratit' razgovor s obrazom - moschnoe oruzhie!
(POZZHE, V 98M GODU - DO SIH POR ISPOL'ZUJU - KOGDA IDET
NEPRIJATNYJ VNUTRENNIJ DIALOG S KEM-TO, BYVAET DOTATOCHNO SKAZAT'
"SPASIBO, RAZGOVOR OKONCHEN" ODIN ILI PARU RAZ).

Tuesday 12/31/96
Chuvstvuju vinu, chto davno s Artemom ne obschals'a.
Massovyj mailing => otdel'nyj folder => ne vizhu msgej => voobsche ne chitaju, kak budto iznachal'noj cel'ju byl bojkot.
Primer togo, kak delikaten balans.
*
Zan'atno - I AM interested and do care about what
other moped owners have to say.